electric toasters always burn

[darklar]

When the dial on a toaster is set to about a third of the way round it will toast to an average amount... by about a half way round you can expect your 'toast' to be highly carcenagenic and black.... so why does the dial go any higher - is there a need that I have overlooked?

[treaclefight]

you have over looked how often i have to toast frozen sliced bread because the kids have eaten me out of house and home, the warp factor nine setting on your toaster is for toasting from frozen :-)

[kags]

Billy Connolly used to say that the dials on toasters are not actually connected to anything, but the degree to which your toast is cooked depends on the current (ha!) load on the national grid. If you put your toast in during the commercial break in Corrie it will be barely cooked, but at 3am it will be incinerated.

[thekraut]

and if you think of pop tarts... I think they are a definite nine, even at midnight. or catfish

[darklar]

what time of the night is catfish?

[IndieSinger]

Haha darklar you do make me laugh. By the way, is your name anything to do with South Park's Marklar?

Following on from kags' comedic post, Eddie Izzard does a great toaster sketch in his Glorious tour, convinced that the "turny dial thing" lies to us:
Toasters! Ah, toasters are good. Like them. Like toast. Mmm. Got a toaster there, but it's got a turny dial knob thing on the side there, and it lies to us. It does not tell the truth. Numbers from 1 to 6, and they lie. You set on 4, you put bread in on 4, and boom it comes up on 3. This is 3 toast, no good at all! You set and change to 5, your bread comes up 6. This is 6, all burnt, all burnt! 'Cause the toast is in there going, "Stay down lads, stay down! Stay down, go for the burn! No pain no gain. No fish no fowl. No socks no shoes. No hair no haircut.
And the other toast is going, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I dunno. Just felt like saying it."
I think with toast it's one and a half times with each piece of toast. Correct me if I'm wrong here. Toast goes in, comes up. Immediately, you don't even look at it, you whack it straight down again. Then you wander 'round the kitchen with one eye on the toaster. The whole automated idea is lost, as you have to keep [runs to imaginarly toaster and looks in, twice]. The toast waits. It's going, "Wait... wait until he looks at the cup of soup." Then you're going, "Cup of soup, pot noodle, cup of soup, pot noodle, oh no it's BURNING, it's BURNING, aw no, in the bin.
And it gets stuck in there, and you know you're not supposed to put a knife in. But you're an adult now. It's your toaster. You wanna live on the edge. Get knife in toaster! Get knife in... and forks! And all cutlery in the toaster! Use a whisk as well! Whisk whisk whisk! Get it in! Take it and do it in the bath! In the bath! Eat a jam sandwich at the same time! Light matches! Burn the house down!

[DuzyEverwork]

Blimey IndieSinger no wonder the Yanks have moved out of your kitchen! :o)