Self confidence help!

[wiggal]

Hey all,

Well I think this is about self confidence!
My fella is off to a mates stag night on Saturday, and they are going go karting in the day and to a strip club in London in the evening. This is not my fellas idea of fun, well the go karting is, but not the strip club believe it or not!
Silly thing is, I know he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me, yet I'm still worried about him going to the strip club!
His mate asked him on the phone if he was going to pay for a lap dance, and he said no, and said he would never waste his money on something like that, I'm just being me and being stupid, but I dont like it :(

Whhhhhhy?! Why can I not just be normal, not over paranoid and all sorts when I know he loves me? :(

Wiggal xx

[naky-nag-nat]

First things first, you are 'normal' - you just have normal human insecurities. Discuss them with your fella or they'll eat you up. :o)

[whiskeysheri]

If it's not even his "thing", I would say you have even less reason to worry, hun. It doesn't make it any better, but if he is going to be unfaithful; he will. He's with you for a reason. :)

[wiggal]

I have discussed them, and he pretty much says Im silly because I know that he would never do anything to hurt/upset me or anything!
I have always lacked self confidence, but at times like this it really sucks!
Even though we have been together over 4 years, live together, are planning to buy our first house together and so on, I still always think that he will say to me one day he has met some one better and is leaving me.

[wiggal]

Hey Whiskeysheri,

He has always said to me that he would never cheat, as no matter what happens he has too much respect for me to do that. And if he did ever meet anyone else or anything, he would leave me first, and never go behind my back.

I think that comes from his ex, cheated on him and fell pregnant with someone elses child whilst he was with her! And that really really hurt him!

[whiskeysheri]

He sounds like a good guy, hun, with decent morals. You just have to trust him and believe what he says when he tells you how he respects you.

From experience, I know what my bloke's friends think of the girls in the strip clubs, even if they do visit! :)

[naky-nag-nat]

As Whiskey said - 'trust'.

[wiggal]

He is a very good guy :)
And I know im being stupid which is even more annoying!
I know he wont be getting drunk, as he can drink a bottle of whisky in a few hours and still be pretty much sober (i pu that down to having 3 kidneys lol!).

[sandrajo]

I agree with naky-nag-nat, talk to him about how you're feeling...they're just normal emotions after all. : )

[wiggal]

naky,

I do trust him!
I completely believe him when he says he would never cheat, but would leave me rather then go behind my back.
My insecurities have caused a fair few problems before, and I just wish I could get rid of them! Grrrrrrrr!

[whiskeysheri]

There you go, hun!

What have you got planned for Saturday night, then? You'll feel far better about it if you're out doing your own thing, rather than sitting at home wondering, "what if..." :)

[cazzz1975]

I have to agree with whiskey, you also have to remember he is with you, he chooses to be with you.

[ladyalex]

Have a care.
If you keep going on and on asking him and asking him about what he's going to do, he'll get awfully fed up with it. I bet there's absolutely nothing he can possibly say to you that will convince you that he is not going to stray. The problem sounds to be with you rather than with him.

Have a good hard think about whether he is a man you can trust or not. Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him ? Do you have any evidence ? If he is trustworthy, stop bothering him about it, checking up on him etc. It's very difficult to break what sounds like a pattern , but if you keep on worrying away at him, questioning him , checking up on him, it feeds itself and you have to keep on doing it. Just make yourself stop and live with your insecurities yourself. They're yours, after all, not his.
If he's not a man you can trust, bin him.

[wiggal]

I will be sat in on my own as I only know one person where we live. She is one of my closest friends, and Im trying to get hold of her at the mo to arrange to go shopping on Saturday sometime.
I cant stand being on my own, which doesnt help!
Im alot better then I used to be, where I would just stay in bed asleep or getting upset.
That comes from a few years ago. But he never used to arrange to go out anywhere at weekends or evenings because he wouldnt want to leave me because Id be a complete wreck!
I sound like a complete head case and I really sad useless person now dont I!?

[wiggal]

Ladyalex,

I have asked him once what the plans where, I have no intention of bothering him, if he wants to text me then thats cool with me!
He doesnt have to tell me he wont stray, I know he wont, its just me!
That doesnt make sense I know, but it does to me!

[VorVZakone]

It's not appropriate for a bloke in a relationship to go to a strip bar. Strip bars are for sad to##ers. I have been to 3 (lol), one unsuspectingly, 2 cos I was in the States, it was with workmates, and there was #$)(# all else to do. This girl started chatting to me, we got on really well, then she started to strip off. I'm like 'noooooo, stop, what are you doing????'. It is so humiliating. What am I supposed to do. Sit and oggle her t!ts like some sad loser that can't get a girl? If I want to see a girl naked, I'll do it when I'm in a relationship with one. The one thing that makes me sicker than anything in these places is the sad fat losers sitting along the catwalks dropping fivers in the garters.
Sex goes on in some of these places. That''s what 'VIP' rooms are for.
If you're insecure about it (you should be), tell your fella your fears and just ask him not to go.

[whiskeysheri]

Of course you don't, sweetie. If you don't manage to get out, rent your favourite DVD, treat yourself to some luxury smellies (a facemask, etc.) and get yourself something lovely in to eat. If you want to email/PM me, then you can, hun.

[wiggal]

Im not going to ask him not to go!
Its the stag night of a very close friends who he has been mates with for the last 10 years!
It is very much the kind of thing for the groom however, and even my fella has said that he doesnt know why he is getting married!
I would never think of asking him not to go.

[VorVZakone]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_an d_west/6173037.stm

Read the paragraph starting 'however'.
Not too relevant, I just thought it was funny.