Going Over For Dinner Etiquette

[MDWCT2018]

This is something that came up in just a chat with some friends and I'm really interested to find out what everyone thinks about it. Basically one of my work colleagues was telling us about how she had met an old school friend from decades ago in M&S by chance. They exchanged pleasantries and contact details. This friend then invited my work colleague and her family i.e. husband and two children over for dinner. The two children were 10 and 13 at the time. The friend also had two teenagers of her own. What was bizarre however was that when they went over for dinner it was only the grown-ups that ate i.e. my work colleague and her husband and their host friend and her husband. They didn't feed the kids. My work colleague said that she then try to make excuses to leave early and when questioned why she said it's because her children hadn't eaten and they're probably starving to which this host-friend said 'why haven't they eaten, did you not feed them before you came'?!! I am absolutely baffled to hear this. I feel like when you are invited over for dinner as a family it would mean that the entire family would eat unless of course you have very young kids in which case they would need to eat much earlier but even then you would still offer them something just out of basic hospitality? I don't think I've ever come across anyone as tight-fisted/ mean as this or is this socially acceptable/normal dinner etiquette? Do you feed your young /teenager children before you go to dinner at someone else's house?

PS this is an event that happened pre-Covid circa 2019 but has come up in one of our recent zoom happy hour gossip fests he he he ;)

[jno]

I agree, a dnner invitation for a family means dinner for the family unless clearly specified otherwise.

[pixie374]

Yes, if they were all invited for dinner, they all get fed. They should have made it very clear otherwise.

[calmck]

Absolutely if parents and children invited then should be for all. If we are invited out with children they are always given a snack before we go in case the meal is late

[Theland]

I would have turned around and walked out and got a Mackies on the way home :-)

[Sqad]

Certainly, I would expect the 10 Yr and 13yr old to be fed asa family.

We were never faced with that situation as Mrs sqad was very good at suggesting that "Come to dinner, but don't bring your bloody kids. "

Lol

[tiggerblue10]

Weird! If I was in that situation I would've told the host to feed my children rather than me.

[Khandro]

//Do you feed your young /teenager children before you go to dinner at someone else's house?//

When I had them, I wouldn't have dreamed of taking them to a dinner party at a friend's house, luncheon probably, but even then I would have checked before doing so, which imo you should have done yourself.
Are you certain the hosts said 'bring your family' or did you assume it?

[Sqad]

//////Are you certain the hosts said 'bring your family' or did you assume it?/////

That is a good point.

[MDWCT2018]

Hi Khandro. I don't know how it was arranged but I think it was along the lines of why don't you and your family come over for dinner/ bring the kids etc

[burlyshirley]

Very strange imo, they obviously think this behaviour is quite 'normal', but I, along with others on here, think it's weird !

[woofgang]

I think that’s mean and nasty

[barry1010]

How bizarre but I do know a few families who cook early dinner for their children then cook again later for the parents. I assume this family is one

[jno]

could very well be, barry, especially those with very young kids, but why invite a whole family at 8pm when your own kids ate at 7?

[barry1010]

So the kids could play together? Save getting a babysitter?

[elliemay1]

I wonder did your work colleague do a return invite?

[Canary42]

A simple misunderstanding between two families with different habits.

I like Mrs Sqad's approach ;-)

[andy-hughes]

Even if the invitation was just for the adults, and was misunderstood, the hostess could easily have knocked something up for your friend's children.

To leave them unfed and feed their parents is just bizarre, and bad manners.

I would have left when it was clear my children were not being fed, I could not eat and leave them hungry.

[Canary42]

There's nothing in the OP to suggest the children weren't given something after the misunderstanding was explained.

[Redhelen72]

Maybe the children were not supposed to be there and it was supposed to be adults only.
I would suggest if the table was set for 4 then that’s was the case.
It really depends on the wording of the invite and if they bothered to confirm if children were invited.
Just because they have children doesn’t mean they want others eating with them

[andy-hughes]

Khandro - //
//Do you feed your young /teenager children before you go to dinner at someone else's house?//

When I had them, I wouldn't have dreamed of taking them to a dinner party at a friend's house, luncheon probably, but even then I would have checked before doing so, which imo you should have done yourself.
Are you certain the hosts said 'bring your family' or did you assume it? //

If you - and Sqad - read the OP, you will see that MDW is recounting an incident relayed by a work colleague, so he/she can have no knowledge of how the invitation was offered.

As I said, if my family were invited, I would assume my children were welcome, and would be eating with the adults - the host would have ascertained that the children were of suitable age before the invitation, otherwise it would have been for the parents only.

And as I also said, even allowing for a misunderstanding, the hostess should surely have had the manners to feed the visiting chilren, expected or not - that is simple courtesy.

To assume that you are bringing your children to dinner, but have for some reason fed them first, is bizarre.