one of my faults is that i am abit blunt

[dotty.]

I'm starting a new tree for a girl at work, her mum was adopted at birth in 1948. I've found that her birth mother had another daughter 2 years earlier, many times on here I've given advice about this, but I feel abit strange about telling someone this. What do you think? Shall i just give her the facts?

[237SJ]

I`d just give her the facts. She obviously wants to know the truth about her heritage and it`s up to her what she chooses to do with the information.

[237SJ]

What I mean is give her the facts gently and tactfully rather than not tell her.

[pussnboots]

Hiya dotty, Definately tell her all the facts, I know that I would like to know. She has asked you to do the tree because she wants to know her roots and this is one of them I'm sure she will be very interested.

[sandyRoe]

I think you should tell her that she has a sister. Just over a year ago I discovered that I had a sister I never knew about. She had been searching for years to try and find out anything about her birth family.

[dotty.]

all sensible thoughtful advice guys.
thanks.x

[Dodger666]

Just found this thread.

Let's clarify this. Are you saying the girl's mum's mother had another child two years earlier or the girl's mother had another daughter 2 years earlier?

If it's the former then her mother may not know about her unknown sister. If it's the latter it could cause problems between her and her mother. If it was me I'd keep quiet.

[starone]

My husband's mother died in childbirth (not with him but with a younger brother). He knew virtually nothing about her and was told a lot of lies to deliberately mislead him. When he got older he thought he would like to find out where she was buried so that he could at least visit her last resting place. He was very upset to find out she was in a communal grave - they had been too poor to buy a plot - and there was no way he could know exactly where she was. He came to terms with it, but it would have been far better if he had known when he was young. He would then have been used to the idea. I think it is far better to tell the truth in cases like this.

[marval]

I would tell her, my Oh found load of family members he knew nothing about on Facebook. He would have liked to have been told about them.

[jno]

yes, but telling the truth would have been the family's job, not dotty's (or any other outsider who happened across it).

[milly143]

My aunties and uncles found out my Grandma had a child before them that she was made to give up. They were shocked but have welcomed her to the family with open arms.

I'd tell her.

[Old_Geezer]

If asked to work on a tree, and you agree and discover stuff, then it seems to me only right not to hide what has been found. How the individual copes with the information is up to them, but they must be already aware almost anything could be uncovered, and be prepared for it.

That said after 10 days I guess you've already made a decision.

[marval]

Yes the family should have told her, but they didn't. What if she does find out? she will then wonder why Dotty didn't tell her.

[ChuckFickens]

From the point of view of somebody who is adopted...

If I was to ask you to do my family tree I would want to know it all and wouldn't be happy if you held stuff back.

[Davethedog]

If she was adopted will it bother her?

Does she know her birth Mum.

[dotty.]

update on the above. I have told the girl at work that her mum probably had an older sister but that it looks like the older sister was not adopted as she married under her birth name. The girl at work is waiting for me to find more info before she tells her mum.