Fao Jourdain 2

[retrocop]

They are back,Church Ladies with Typewriters. :-)



The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning:'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up...

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

[murraymints]

PMSL !!

[DTCwordfan]

In Leicester many years ago, a large board in front of a church, the caption, "God Saves" - the graffiti, "Peter Shilton is better."

[marval]

The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who laboured the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

The pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

[jourdain2]

Creasing myself laughing! I'm the person responsible for notices etc. --- every-so-often something creeps through :( But it gives folk a laugh :)

I may just send some of these on to the Parish Mag. - make a change!

[jourdain2]

Keep them coming chaps and chapesses. I'll have material for months to come. Don't forget that Xmas is just over the horizon...…………..bet that shut you up!

[marval]

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

"Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch."

"Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."

[jourdain2]

:o) !

[jourdain2]

:o) !!

[marval]

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Wednesday, the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the Altar.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David A. Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

[jourdain2]

I'll have to look at this thread once everyone has finished - laughing too much to swallow my G & T1 :o) xxxx everyone

[marval]

Enjoy your G&T Jourdain

[marval]

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?”. Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Today's Sermon: How Much Can a Man Drink? with hymns from a full choir.

Join us tonight for prayers, coffee and fresh beagles.

[DTCwordfan]

“Spain has been a very Catholic country, since Christianity had been taken there in the third century BC”.

"The Bible is full if interesting caricatures…Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark."

"Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw…unleavened bread is bread made without any ingredients…David was a Hebrew king [who] fought with the Philatelists…Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines."

By the way and useless info, Solomon must have been related to Boaty......

[DTCwordfan]

What is the significance of an altar?
A. God knows

What's the difference between the New Testament and the Old Testament?
A. The New Testament is a better version

What is a pilgrimage?
A. It's when lots of people, like sandyRoe, wander off in the same direction for no apparent reason

Christians have only one spouse. What is this called?
A. Monotony

[marval]

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.

We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

[retrocop]

> KIDS IN CHURCH


>


> 3-year-old Reese


> :


> 'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,


> Harold is His name.


> Amen.'


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


>


>


> A little boy was overheard praying:


> 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't


> worry about it...


> I'm having a real good time like I am.'


>


>


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


>


>


> After the christening of his baby brother in


> church,


> Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the


> car.


> His father asked


> him three times what was wrong.


> Finally, the boy replied,


> 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a


> Christian home,


> and I wanted to stay with you guys.'


>


>


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


>


> One particular four-year-old prayed,


> 'And forgive us our trash baskets


> As we forgive those who put trash in our


> baskets..'


>


>


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


>


> A Sunday school teacher asked her children as


> they


> were on the way to church service,


> 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in


> church?'


> One bright little girl replied,


> 'Because people are sleeping.'


>


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


>


> A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and


> Ryan 3.


> The boys began to argue over who would get the first


> pancake.


> Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral


> lesson.


> 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,


> 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can


> wait.'


> Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,


> ' Ryan , you be Jesus !'


>


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


>


> A father was at the beach with his children


> When the four-year-old son ran up to him,


> Grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore


> Where a seagull lay dead in the sand.


> 'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son


> asked.


> 'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad


> replied.


> The boy thought a moment and then said,


> 'Did God throw him back down?'


> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


>


> A wife invited some people to dinner.


> At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and


> said,


> 'Would you like to say the blessing?'


> 'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl


> replied.


> 'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife


> answered


> The daughter bowed her head and said,


> 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to


> dinner?'

[jourdain2]

Great stuff - they will definitely be spread around - thanks for giving me another job; 'Chuckle Corner' beckons! :) x