Where to draw the line with Wedding invites

[HJT40]

I am getting married this summer, it will be my second time and my b/f's first. We have agreed on a small informal wedding at the registry office with very close family and friends, about 40 in all. These are people we want there. (I am not going down the route of my first wedding agan!) We are having an informal reception after and this is where we are stuck. I have been told that a good way to see who you should invite is whether you would be happy to buy this person dinner. I have tried this, but one person that I would not be happy buying dinner is my late mums nephew. Although I would be happy to invite his sisters. I am aware that inviting all aunts and uncles, but not inviting all cousins may cause a family problem. But I have sat and looked at my list and really wondered why I would invite a few of them. Friends it is easy, if they are friends you do invite them, if they are not your friend then you don't. Family it is not so easy. Perhaps I should have also placed this in the family section? Thanks

[zzxxee]

do what im doing ****** off on your own get married aNd then throw a big party for family and friends after lol

[QueenOfAmber]

Invite your cousin... you kind of well, have to... tough break girl!

[HJT40]

its the party afterwards that I am thinking of. Do you invite the ones would turn up for free food, albeit picky bits, who you wouldn't normally see.

[zzxxee]

dont have a party if its going to cause a problem what about a small gathering at your house?? not so exiting as a party and then people may not want to turn up lol

[annie0000]

I had a similar type of wedding, the registry office and hotel where we were having the meal could only cope with 44 so that is what we had - we both have large families, so that was really parents, brother sisters & kids with a couple of really close friends as well. In the evening, we had a buffet and disco at another venue for another 100. This was mainly friends, and less close relatives with a few colleagues thrown in. I have loads of Aunties, Uncles and cousins, so I asked my parents what they thought and at first they were happy not to invite any, they then changed their mind and we invited just aunties and uncles and no cousins as this would go beyond our budget. As far as I am aware, no-one was offended and they all still speak. I am not close to any cousins, so it may have been different then.

I would go with what you want - it is your wedding and your party - I checked with my parents as they did give us some money towards the wedding and as it was the first family wedding for a few years, it was not as if there was a "family protocol" to follow.

Hope you enjoy your day.

[Huderon]

Your wedding, and the associated get together afterwards, is really all about you and your partner. You are both going to make a public commitment to each other, with people you want there to witness it.

The same holds true for the party afterwards. Would you invite someone you didn't get on with or didn't like to a normal party ? If not, why on earth would you invite them to a celebration which is going to be rather special for you ? Just invite the people you want to be there and forget the rest. That way you will enjoy yourselves, and if people you don't invite are miffed afterwards, they'll get over it in the end.

At our wedding some people were invited at the insistence of my mother-in-law. One family took off after the reception and before the socialising bit. Before they went they came and explained that they had to leave because they still had to do the weekly shop ...

[Hazel104]

Speaking as a cousin (yes the only one out of four including my brother) that was not invited to my cousins wedding or the after party it is quite hurtful.

BUT I do agree it is your and your partners wedding so you should do what you want but it may well have repercussions. I think if you do decide to not to invite certain family members at least let them know why (the honest reasons) as I am still wondering exactly why to this day! Hope you have lovely wedding x

[Mr Veritas]

How about drawing up a list (it CAN be quite long if you wish) and then crossing off ALL the people you haven't seen and/or spoken too in the last 12 months?
I don't know if this makes it any easier.

[Velvetee]

I feel the same way HJT40. Do you have any tips or contacts for planning a wedding? I need to plan mine for April and haven't even started.

Thanks

[jno]

fair comment, Huderon, but it is going to be awkward inviting mum, dad, lots of sisters - but not the brother. If the guy would know perfectly well why you haven't invited him - because you had a big row or something - then I guess everyone would know where they stood. But if it's just because you don't like his language or his taste in shirts or something, then it could be a problem. If this is going tot be a family affair, I think I'd say bite your tongue and invite all the family or none. But if you're just inviting the people you are in touch with frequently, and everyone realises this, then I think you could get away with leaving him out.

[alishalexy]

I understand your concerns, firsly if its your future wifes first then you need to make sure that shes happy as she may have some dreams.
Second if you invite sisters and not a brother of the same family, thats is hurtful, unless hes made a pass at your ex or molested/raped someone you should invite him even if you don't like him, what is one more.
Finaly if you invite one cousin you should invite all cousins your starting a new life and you don't want anyone cursing you before you even set off on it. Make it a wonderful day. Bite your tongue for one day only.
By the way goodluck to you both. x

[Yvaines09]

The one person I didn't want at my wedding shot herself in the foot in the end when my hubby and I tried to decide whether or not she should go. She was his best mate's wife and dreadful but what can you do?

We told his mate we were getting married and she, being a gossip, told his kids before we had a chance.

Our wedding got downscaled to us and three kids, two of whom became witnesses and the other "unofficial best man". It was the most unstressful wedding on the face of the earth LOL