A husband and wife were having dinner at a very Fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who was that??!!” “Oh,” replies the husband, “that was my mistress.” The wife says, “That’s it; I want a divorce.” “I understand,” replies her husband, “But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Infinity or Lexus in the garage, and no more Country Club, but the decision is yours.” Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. “Who’s that woman with Jim? ” she asks. “That’s his mistress,” replies her husband. “Ours is prettier,” says the wife.
Solly Cohen died and his widow called the local paper to insert a death notice.
She told them to put "Solly Cohen dead".
They told her that there was a minimum charge of £5 and for that she could have six words.
She replied ok change it to "Solly Cohen dead, Volvo for sale"