At Popping Point

[cris r]

Does any person on here have to deal with a partner with OSD and how do they cope. My husband does not think he has a problem but he defenatly has some issues. I could tell you a hundred stories but i will just mention yesterdays.
After walking the dogs we decided to work in the garden. My husband painted the shed I cleaned all around the outside area. As i went around the front of the house he followed me and started to tell me off as I had left the broom propped up against the wall, also when i moved the table and chairs to clean under them I had pushed the chair against the wall and if you looked closely it had chipped the plastic coating that covers the chair. Apparently he told me in a very agitated state he is always having to put the broom away as i do not put it away myself leaving it lying around. I have a very large garden two hairy dogs and i am always cleaning outside so occasionally i do leave things around. I tried to say he was going over the top again but this just winds him up all the more because you are not allowed to answer back just do as he is asking. I have explained its like living on egg shells. There are only the two of living in the house . I pried myself on my home and my garden ( which I do myself ) but he can always find something to pick up on. He can not stand to see say a biro left lying around on a table he tutts when he has to put it away after me also he got up one morning and found a knife on the kitchen table the look on his face was horror. This is only a few of his issues . On the whole he is fine as long as you are doing things his way. Do you think this is OCD or just a need to control. How do I deal with it for my own sanity . This is not everyday just now and again but I am on tender hooks waiting for him to kick off with some unreasonable request or should I say demand. It is not just me he has upset so many family members they all know him so put up with most of it. No one ever visits and he is happy with that. can not get a handle on what I am dealing with so if any kind person can shed a light on this it would be amazing. Christine

[albaqwerty]

first things first ((hugs))

by the time I hit submit there will be a good few wiser answers no doubt.

Sounds to me as if he's controlling, does he tell you not to visit friends for example?

[scorpiojo]

It sounds like a bit of both.

Does he have a problem with the hairy dogs?

What happens if you don't do things 'his way'? What kind of 'unreasonable' requests or demands does he make?

[cris r]

No not really albaqwerty ( if I'm honest I don't have friends that i go out with or visit ) My sons live so far away so he does not have any reason to stop me going anywere. I would not stand for that sort of controling and he knows that. Its just the lots of little things that irritate him and make him cross such mundane things that no one would care about I just look at him sometimes than think REALLY when I say this is not normal he says it is...... end off conversation

[albaqwerty]

hmmm, is he retired? Did/does he have a job where he was in control of things?

[woofgang]

Have you told him, calmly, how his behaviour makes you feel? Has he had a proper diagnosis or is that your opinion, that he has OCD? There are treatments for OCD but the person has to want to change. Its interesting that you say that you have nowhere to want to travel and that you would not put up with being controlled. have you tested this? Is there somewhere you could go for a day or overnight so see what his reaction would be?

[cris r]

scorpion I shook the dog blanket yesterday and hairs went on his car you would have thought i threw a stone at it. I hoover twice a day when he arrives home from work the dogs area is cleaned. We have wooden floors they are not allowed to walk on them as far as he is concerned they spend the entire time behind the dog gate of course they don't my dogs are my best friends as soon as he leaves for work they join me in the kitchen. No demands he will ask me to do house hold chores like today after work i will cut a shrub back so he can paint behind it. if I forget he becomes agitated. he expects me to do my job as a housewife thats the impression i get. Funny thing is he works in construction management it is his job to find faults and he's good he save his company lots of money I always say he treats me like he treats his work force. he snags me

[cris r]

I should say on a lighter note he came home last week with flowers he said I deserve them. He loves to spend money on our home its his pride and joy as well he is very materialistic ( love my home but Im not ) he resents this. He hates himself when he upsets me and he will say I know its me but would not go and ask for help I know he suffers from Anxiety the doctor gave him something for this years ago but he refuses to take any medication. I just want him not to stop staging what i do but i don't know what to say that will make him realise leaning a broom on the precious wall is not the end of the world

[woofgang]

so have you told him how this makes you feel? The other thing to think about is if this is a dealbreaker and whether you will stay...can you leave?

[woofgang]

You will never IMO make him feel or know that a broom out of place is not the end of the world...because for him it is........as I say, decision time...is his behaviour a dealbreaker? if it is, have you told him this?

[albaqwerty]

aha!! he's in construction - Mr Alba is also in construction industry and sometimes talks to me as if he is still on building site.
I just look and cough and ask him where my hard hat happens to be which kinda brings him round to the fact that he is at home.

If all else fails, go and have a word with your doctor - are you both in same surgery? I know doc won't tell you anything but it might help his GP next time he sees him

[cris r]

woofgang Again No he would not stop me going anywhere ok I don't have any friends that I go out with but if I wanted to go out he would not stop me. I have had weekends away with family I went to a wedding on Saturday evening. He was fine a bit shocked that i was going out, it was a work colleague. My sons think he gets anxious and I'm the only one to sound off on. My eldest says ignore him when he makes petty comments but it is hard when someone is criticising you. if I ignore or walk away he would not let go until he had got a response from me. its as though he needs this reaction for a quick fix to his anxiety. I have read up a lot about anxiety just to see if i can get a handle on it.

[cris r]

I don't know how many time over the past five years I have threatened to leave. But he always apologises when he takes it to far. He is not violent even when he is at his height of anger. Its like letting of steam on me. Yes I have told him so many time how upsetting it is and he is always sorry after his our burst. But it does not stop it happening again. Even if I left I really don't think it would make him see the error of his ways he has always been like this. its just lately I don't like it and the fact that I answer back is the real issue and he is becoming more picky about stupid things. Thank you for all your feed back it is really helpful

[scorpiojo]

//But he always apologises when he takes it to far. Yes I have told him so many time how upsetting it is and he is always sorry after his our burst. But it does not stop it happening again.//

//he has always been like this. its just lately I don't like it and the fact that I answer back is the real issue and he is becoming more picky about stupid things//

If he won't ask for (or accept) help, please think about your future.

Good luck, Cris x

[woofgang]

If he does it again and doesn’t take any steps to get help for himself then he’s not sorry. If you are the only one that he behaves like this to then he has control over his actions. Honestly this has naff all about making him see the error of his ways or getting him to change. You can’t change or control him and he shouldn’t be able to change or control you. So is it a deal breaker or will you tolerate it?

[cris r]

Thanks again for all your replies much appreciated