Children left alone

[yummymum]

i want some opinions please, me and my childs father live apart although you could say we are together (our next baby is due in 5 days). Anyway today i dropped them both off at his house as usual, i then went round to his mums house, i was there about 5 minutes then went, as i drove up the road my partner was crossing over heading towards the shop I pulled over and asked him where our son was he said he was in his house I then asked who was with him and he said he was alone. I couldnt believe what i was hearing, he had left a 3 year old alone in the house, i drove round to his house and let myself in and watched our lad till he got back from the shop, I really was fuming when he got back and I had to walk out so not to argue in front of little lad. when i had calm down a bit I said to him that he was wrong in leaving him and was it something he did a lot, to cut a long story short he didnt see a problem with leaving him as the shop was just round the corner and little lad was watching tv! he then tried telling me i was over reacting and trying to control him and his son.He told me not to bother taking him if i was going to tell him how to look after him to which i asked him if he would ever do it again, he told me if he wanted to go shop and leave him he would and he wasnt gonna take orders from me. I dont think i have much choice but to not let him have him,also after all this he told me he wanted our little lad over night whilst i was in hospital!!!
wht does everyone think?

[LittleMissxx]

No chance !! Not at 3yrs old. Im still uneasy about leaving my 10yr oldif i pop next door. Hell, 3yrs...never

[yummymum]

how do i go about things now where his dad his concerned now? i have basically said that i cant bring myself to let him have him if he cant say he will not leave him.

[joannie10]

obviously a stressful time for you with baby due so I can understand you wont want any confrontation but definately need to talk about this and say that yes in the interest of child safety you do need to control your son. Highlight to him the very recent and highly public abduction of a 3 year old and advise him that if social services in this country ever found out about this then the child would be taken away from him. He has perhaps not thought this through properly that is why I am suggesting you try an open discussion on it. In the long run though if you are not happy with how he is looking after your child, you cannot take any chances and would need to speak to courts about access. I am not sure if there is someone somewhere in the chain before that that could advise you/him on this.

[yummymum]

Thank you, your right im just really not in the mood for any more arguing, im now unsure where i stand with him as his last words where for me to leave him alone and he would start a new familly else where. However i feel i am so right on this instance and so much could have happened that I cannot afford to back down.

[joannie10]

He sounds like he really doesnt care about what you think or have any respect for you to be talking to you like that - sorry. children are precious and you cannot afford to take any chances or have one little mistake made. Why he could not take the child to the shop I dont understand. Who is to say he would not have left him for longer if you had not turned up - or at what age he will think it acceptable to go off and leave a child for longer. Apart from possible abduction - a 3 year old is curious, who knows what he could have got his hands on or where he could have wandered too. Good luck - with everything. x

[laurence2]

Two words regarding your chids father.

Village Idiot.

He was only watching tv so i thought it was ok, what a pile of sh!te by this irresponsible *******

I would'nt let him look after your 3 year old again until he can prove that he is a responsible person, have you got any family that can look after him {thats the 3 year old i'm referring to by the way}.

The problem your have now is, has your son been left on his own whilst he pops out, will he pop out for a couple of beers next time he has the 3 year old, the seed of doubt has been planted, i would be very very concerned if i was in the same situation as you.

Best of luck in 5 days by the way

[yummymum]

I dont actually need anyone to look after him as im not working at the moment it was just so he could spend time with his Dad and when the baby is born i will have plenty of support from others. I know that even if he said he wouldnt leave him again i would be so worried if i was to leave him with him but he is saying he would leave him anyway so i really let him have him can i. he as made me so angry i have got to go in hospital next week and i dont want to be there wondering if my son is ok but then i know he will kick of if he doesnt see him and my mum as him all the time

[laurence2]

so what if he kicks off.

I'm getting the impression here that the split with you two was partly due to his temper?

If he wants to act the irresponsible father, he has to pay the price, hes told you to mind your own business, and he ''WILL DO IT AGAIN''

Hello


Sorry for being sarcastic, wake up YM, the signs are worrying

[yummymum]

Our break up was due to many things, long story. he seems to think he can do as he pleases and when i dare say something he can threaten me with breakin up/new family/telling me im a crap mum etc to get me to shut up. He as had every arguement going today rather than just admit he was wrong (I seriously believe he thinks he was in the right) dont worry my mind is made up he wont be having him alone untill i know he not gonna pull a stunt like that again, to try and make him realise i think i will tell him that if i was caught leaving a 3 yr old alone social services would soon be on my back so why shud it be any different for him? if he cant see he is wrong wht can i do, surely i would be being irresponsible letting him have him if i knew wht he could do? think im just unsure as im so near my due date and could really do with out all this

[laurence2]

He's controlling then?

You sound strong minded, you stick by your guns and call the shots, if he thinks anything of the children he might just wake up.

Ps, is he going to the birth by the way?

sorry for being intrusive, things like this bug me.

[yummymum]

he is not controllin in any other way but when he thinks he is in the right he will go on with himself and make me out to be the worst party rather than admit he is wrong. Seems like he would rather not see his son that admit to being wrong. In the past we have both done wrong by each other, i have drawn a line under it all and moved on where as he uses it to get himself out of situations like this, by passing blame back on to me. He also uses silly irrelavant arguements to change the subject, ie today he said our son was more likely to be in an accident with me driving than something happen by him being left alone . can you see what i mean?? he was meant to be being at the birth(im having a section) and i would never stop him, however with everything he as said he as made it really hard (if you have read my previous post u will see what i mean by "everything he as said")

[laurence2]

He childish then?

Hes just trying to justify leaving the 3 year old on his own. Well your more likely to have an accident in the home than you are driving {3 year old left alone} a vehicle.

I'm sure he's sensible enough to know that house fires can happen at anytime also, or don't tell me, he'll argue that he checked the appliances and the electrical wiring before leaving the 3 year old on his own, he has to ''UNDERSTAND'' that anything can happen at anytime to anyone of us, the 3 year old was his ''RESPONSIBILITY'' at the time, god forbid if a fire would of broken out whilst he popped around the shop, ask him to look up the word ''CONSCIENCE''.

[yummymum]

I know anything could happen i just cant make him see this, i dont know if he knows its wrong and wont admit to me or if he really thinks he is right, if he was anyone else i would have reported him

[Denise_uk]

Hi. My opinion for what it's worth: regardless of whether your son's father thinks what he's doing is irresponsible, YOU know it is, and that's what matters. This is your child's safety, and at the end of the day, God forbid if anything happened to your son, could you live with yourself having sent him there knowing what you know? I couldn't. It's just not worth the risk. Just my tuppence worth anyway. All the best for the new arrival. Denise x

[kate1976]

A child can choke in seconds,

they can fall over and bang their head against something hard,

a fire can take over a house in minutes,

a curious child can find something sharp and shiny to play with or matches,

a child can get scared being left alone and scream blue murder which could bring on fever or fit!

Someone could break into the house, that only takes a few seconds!

Abduction! (ok very small risk but it does and can happen)

Need I go on?

I know you probably are aware of all this but please don't leave your son in his father's 'capable' hands again and put him at risk!

I don't know what to suggest but please try and talk it through, it's ok if he says it won't happen but believe me I and I know others have been in situations where 'it wouldn't happen to me'

Hope you get it sorted, good luck with it and with the new baba!

xxx

[kate1976]

Apologies, I posted before reading the replies I was just so angry at him!

I know you know all the things that could go wrong but you need to drill it into him, if not then let him go find his new family and you keep your children safe, he does sound very controlling and I know it must be frustrating for you when he won't listen but for the sake of your children you must do what's right!

[yummymum]

Thank you everybody, i have always told myself it wud take one thing for me to draw an end to our relationship and after a lot of thinking i have decided that this is it.doing wrong by me is one thing but putting our son in danger takes it to a whole new level for me. I just cant seem to forgive him for this, i wish i could be an outsider and report him to be honest because least then he would realise how serious it could have been

[laurence2]

YM.

Only you know in your heart of hearts what the right decision is regarding your childs father, its easy for people on here to follow the leader so to speak and agree with all, but its clear that all are shocked by his actions as well as his attitude towards your son and you.
Remember he's still the father tho, nothing can change that, he just really needs to grow up and stop the child like behaviour, ie blaming everyone except himself, if you can't admit to your mistakes in life, it makes it one heck of a struggle.

Best of luck

[yummymum]

i know what is game is, he will cause other bits of arguements to excuse himself from the main problem, im wise to him by now. think i have just got to stick to my guns, just sad that its so close to next baby being here. And wouldnt anyone in his situation just say they where sorry and it wouldnt happen again not actually defend themselves and say they wud do it again...the mind boggles. thanks again

[spanner7853]

maybe you should remind him of the Madeline McCann subject, that might change his mind. 13 yeah but not a 3 year old. What if the house caught fire and he was stuck in there?