what would you do?

[k8bailey]

Hello, tricky situation - my SIL has been saying some pretty outrageous things about our MIL on Facebook

- All I need to do now is shoot the in-laws cos - excuse my french - I f*ckin' HATE THEM!!!!! If I were to never, ever see them I would be one very happy little bunny!!!!
Hahahahahahaha
- She's a kn*b! And I HATE the b*tch!
- They certainly don't deserve them (grandchildren) and I'll make sure they know as they grow what kind of people they are!
- Ha ha hope it's the witch in law maybe I can power up her broomstick and the old cow will bog off into the land of Oz! And witha bit of luck a house will fall on her and her smelly size 5 feet or whatever size they are will shrivel up nicely like the rest of her!

there has been more, this is just an example of recent goings on.
SIL has never got on well with the MIL, but its all kicked off this time because MIL didn't send birthday presents to 3 year old grandchild in time (birthday on a monday SIL expected presents to arrive on friday before because she booked a surprise holiday without telling anyone so it's hardly the MILs fault)

Anyway my partner has seen all this and is furious about his mother being attacked in public on the net....MIL hasn't got a clue as she doesn't use Facebook. SIL also claims she is keeping a diary of all the things MIL does to show her kids (3 & 4) when they're older what horrible grandparents they have (SILs words)

What would you do? Tell MIL? Have a word with SIL? Ignore it?

[beverleymot]

tell her- definitely! thats disgraceful!

[k8bailey]

We're worried that if we tell the MIL, they'll have a row and it will make things worse for the kids. Also what you don't know can't hurt you, MIL would be devestated if she knew, but on the other hand if someone was saying that about me I'd wanna know!

[jackthehat]

I'd keep out of it and plead ignorance when the brown sticky stuff hit the fan.............

Remember - No good deed goes unpunished !

[beverleymot]

but if someone else told her that they saw it on fb and she knows you/ partner use it she may put two n two together and be more upset- honesty is always best. the SIL seems to want to pick n choose when she has the MIL in their lives which aint on really

[k8bailey]

I don't like her either, but they use her to babysit every week and then SIL says this behind her back. I like to keep my opinion to myself, if you can't say anything nice etc.. I wonder if my BIL knows what his missus has been saying?!

[society]

That's awful.

Does MIL use the computer? Encourage her to join Facebook, tell her family members are on there. Then she'd see for herself...

[beverleymot]

maybe speak to BIL about it- thing is if she feels this way she should be telling her MIL not telling every1 else on fb ( especially when the MIL doesn't go on FB) its quite immature , and maybe its just me cos im an honest person but i would tell the MIL or speak to the BIL first then if it carries on tell MIL.

[redcrx]

so sil is married to your fellas brother?

if so, can her husband not have a word with her about airing her dirty laundry in public like that?

[annie0000]

I'd delete her, that way you are no longer involved.

[tiggerblue10]

Get your H to have a word with the BIL for him to sort out. Its better dealt with by the sons.

[MickyMacgraw]

Sil is keeping a diary of all the things that the mil done and will show her kids?
Why to install hatred in the innocent kids? A bit extreme isn't it?

[ummmm]

I'd have to post something on her wall. I wouldn't be able to bite me tongue. Just so every can see that MIL is not that bad.

[saxy_jag]

Ouch! Been in a similar situation very recently.

First off, not wise to tell MIL just yet, if ever. Why upset her, especially if you like her?

I'd suggest you or your partner have a word with her partner and tell him how much this has upset you. If you can settle the matter amicably, then fine, but be prepared to tell her and your own partner that you can have nothing more to do with her if behaves like this against someone whom, presumably, you like.

In our case, the comments were directed by DIL and other son's ex against me and my husband (DIL didn't like what we wore for grandson's christening). Like you, this was the latest in a line of incidents where we have supposedly upset the dear little princess. We decided enough was enough and now refuse to have anything to do with her. Sadly this means we don't see our son or grandson either, but at the end of the day the so-called adults will hopefully see that they're only hurting themselves and our grandson will begin to ask them awkward questions about his grandparents.

No good pretending there's an easy solution. We don't like this, but neither we nor our son need the stress that her constant back-stabbing causes (even though son can't see that at the moment), so it's better all round if we avoid each other.

[k8bailey]

they're not married but living together, MIL doesn't really know how to use the internet and there isn't anyone else who knows what's been going on. I'd like to just ignore it but my OH is understandably upset (I would be if it were my mum) I just worry that if we get involved we may do more harm than good. I think if my OH feels that strongly about it he'll have to speak to his brother.

It's the keeping the diary bit that really annoys me....it won't be fact based and is just a timebomb of her vile opinions waiting to split the family up.

[k8bailey]

MIL gets on my nerves too but this has started to make me feel sorry for her, I keep trying to put myself in her shoes....she doesn't even realise she's annoying SIL & me - it's not intentional, she means well!

[annie0000]

I would hope that the talk of the diary is not true and just said for effect. We can all get hacked off from time to time with even the most well meaning person, but as I see it, you shouldn't be writing in public forum anything that you are not prepared to say to someones face. Surely the fact that she is putting this stuff in writing could also be used against her, would it defamation of character or some other sort of offence. It could also be seen as cyber bullying which could be reported to SIL's ISP and may get her some sort of ban.

Regardless of what MIL has done to offend SIL, this is surely a very childish way to behave.

I go back to my earlier statement - Delete your SIL and tell her you don't want to be reading that kind of stuff especially when you both have children in the house (yes I know that they are too young to read, but they wont be soon!).

[jaydah]

I haven't seen it so its not as public as you think. Keep out of family spats; kids will make up their own minds when old enough.

Hope you didn't point it out to hubby, that could turn on you.

[k8bailey]

No i didn't point it out to my OH, he uses FB too. I know it's not as if she took an ad out in of the national papers to bad mouth the MIL but it's still quite public since she has 300+ 'friends' and now all of them know exactly what she thinks of the MIL.....I hope the kids do get the chance to make their own minds up, but it seems like one day, in the not too distant future, they are gonna have to chose between their mum and their dads family.

I hadn't even thought about my girls reading all of this one day, we already limit their contact with the SIL because she thinks nothing of saying all of this infront of the kids, and my eldest is at that age where she repeats everything she hears!

I just can't believe how much they use the MIL as a free babysitter, then she says all this about her! If SIL thinks MIL is soooo awful, surely she wouldn't want her looking after her kids at all!!

OH has decided to have a word with his brother but I doubt any good can come of this.