Whats The Point In Buying And Owning A Property?

[renegadefm]

Just recently lost My dad. He worked hard all his life and passed away at 91.

But worked hard to buy the family home. Poor Mum is faced with having to leave the family home as she needs someone with her 24/7 something we are too stretched to provide, as we all got jobs etc ourselves.

So this will mean the family home will have to be sold to pay the care home for my Mum to move into. 

The issue from my point of view, is what was the point of owning a home, for it all to be gone towards a care home?

I'm pretty sure when Dad was younger he would have wanted to pass it onto me or sister to keep it in the family, but sadly now that won't happen. 

The way the system is set up is all wrong because if we knew then what we know now I would have had a mortgage and bought my home, and I'm pretty sure Dad wouldn't have either. 

If you rent a property theres less stress because if something needs fixing you contact the landlord. But I realise there are risks from renting too, for example the landlord might sell, and we could be terfed out. 

But what really is the point of owning a property, something that took a lifetime to purchase, only for it to be taken off you in a situation like we are faced with now? 

[Rosetta]

Of course its been a strain on you all, but it really is early days, please dont make any hasty decisions both for mums sake but also for yours. As BM says, it will ease for her, at the moment she probably doesn't know which way is up, it can be a challenge  just putting one foot in front of another . Grief is devastating. Could you nd your sister get together to make the best plan you can in the circumstances

[renegadefm]

Rosetta, 

We won't do anything hasty, sister is quite switched on, much better than me. 

But with us all working etc its becoming an impossible task to be with Mum. 

We have even had to take her with us to school runs, shopping etc. 

I can't emphasise enough what a strain its been, but its really been a case of we can't be in two places at once. 

 

[andres]

Could you , your partner  and her daughter ,go to live with your mother. She has a large house and on the days when you are both working you could get a carer in for a few hours. That way you will always be in the house that you love .

[renegadefm]

andres, 

Thats a nice thought, I appreciate that. 

But my shift work wouldn't fit in with that plan as I have extensively mentioned. 

Plus in my partner and I house we have pets that need looking after, two dogs, three budgies, a hamster, and fish. 

Problem is we tried having Mum stay here during the day, but she can't stand the dogs barking at her, so that didn't work. 

Plus sister might think I am trying to take over Mums house. 

I don't know my head is spinning with stress at the moment. We are struggling to find a solution that's best for all concerned, especially Mum. 

[zebo]

//And why shouldn't your mother pay for her own care?//

Why should someone who has had a similar salary in their working half yet chose to throw that money away expect me, and all other tax payers, to support them?

The 'moral' of all these situations is that living within one's means and saving some is not to be be recommended, join the rest who expect the state to pay for everything.

[renegadefm]

zebo, 

Theres a lot more to it though than just losing the house. 

The contents that Mum and Dad acquired over the last 60 plus years, I mean they we're married for 66 years, and kept and cherished their wedding gifts and purchases, can you believe Mum still uses their wedding dresser and wardrobes, yes its 66 years old, and how the heck do you get rid of that? Mum still kept her original ironing board, its wood and 66 years old. Probably auntique.

The road ahead for us all looks very rocky. 

[Barmaid]

Renegade, I appreciate that you are grieving, but as I have already said, it may not be necessary to sell the house in the immediate future.

[Thisoldbird]

As it's so soon after loosing your Dad I personally think your jumping the gun..  that's not meant to be rude but, I have a bit of knowledge on the situation. 

First Mum might not want anyone else popping in or helping out. I can be 99% certain given a few social visits, gradually helping, make a cuppa, wash the cups before leaving..the new visitor will gradually become a friend..that's how it happens most times. I've done the job..it's gaining the person's trust.  It's a game of patience to start with buy it does help settle the person needing help from resisting. 

There are carers set ups, 24 hrs in shifts if need be. You need to speak with Adult Social Care before you commit to selling the home.. it can be saved and Mum can get the care needed. It's only a few days since she lost the love of her life..give her time. 

I've also been in Mums shoes having lost my beloved 2.5 yrs ago. The bottom does fall out of your world.. I to this day have no idea how I got round that time.. but Mum needs love and understanding,  not being rushed into a care home. 

Adult Social Care is your starter.. good luck x

[Thisoldbird]

To add to my previous post there are care services that will provide care overnight.. and much more you have to seek out what's available in your area.. 

[renegadefm]

Thisoldbird, 

Thanks we will look into it a bit deeper 👍