The CSA and custody

[MickyTaker]

My exwife and I seperated in 06 and I eventually got her to leave the marital home in July 08 after a lengthy court battle and a hefty payout i could ill afford. She took with her everything including our 11 year old daughter, and16 year old son for whom she was claiming tax credits on my wages (she has maintained through our 23 year marriage that it is not her responsiblity to go to work) and child benefit. The judge in the divorce case refused to issue a residency order because of the kids ages and as he put it, my ex's 'blatant use of her children for monetary gain.'

When our son started an apprenticeship, she insisted he live with me as both benefits dried up.I have my son 100% of the time and I pick my dughter up from school on a friday and have to have her back Sunday night, bathed, ready for bed with her uniform ready for the monday morning!

I pay her twice the amount of money recommended by, but not thru, the CSA, on a voluntary basis. From this she takes our daughter horse riding, cheerleading, music lessons, parties etc (all of which she is on the board of, or the commitee of...) and in paying for these the amount left over from the amount i give her is less than �20. This is the figure she classes as maintenence. On top of this I pay for school items such as shoes, uniforms, kits, instruments trips etc. Now my ex has gone to the CSA for an assesment.

I am not worried about this as I believe I will be paying less than what I am now. My problem is now that as the CSA count how many days I have my daughter and offset it against their calculation for maintenence, my ex has stopped my daughter coming around, plainly as she knows she will get more money if it seems that I dont have my daughter that much. Has anyone been in the same situation or is there anything I can do? The CSA say they cannot help. I am really losing sleep over this, as although I miss my daughter dearly, I can see her being used by my

[ummmm]

She may have just shot herself in the foot. Let it go through the CSA and stop paying her until it's sorted. Obviously don't let your daughter go without but she's at an age where your wife could get a job.

Is she getting income support?

Also, you have your son with you full time and he's in education?
How many days a week does he go to college?

Start demanding maintenance from her for him.

[gbradfield]

yes she has shot herself in the foot here now hasnt she? stop making payments to her now because shes been living off you for some time now, your children are grown there is no reason she couldnt get a job!!!!!!!!! Obviously keep providing for your daughter like buying things she needs and do this on the days you have her that way you know where the money is going. Go and get some advice of CAB to on where you stan with access and they can possibly put you in touch with a solisitor. good luck

[tazmac25]

Excellant advice from the previous 2 posters
Stop paying and contact a solicitor - pay for the clubs etc your daughter goes to directly - then she will not miss out

Your daughter is of an age (almost) to choose where she lives - so start looking at a new residency hearing if thats what you want
You can also give her a mobile (at your cost) so you can stay in touch - I did with my daughter

My daughter finally came to live with me after my ex (husband) financially slaughter me
As soon as the boot was on the other foot and I started to claim thro the CSA for her he moved to the czech rep so he would not have to pay
It was obvious that she was the golden goose - which is tragic - as I appear your children have been used as such against you

**** Dont give up - you can get this sorted and your daughter will appreciate you fighting for her****

BTW my daughter has never been happier since she came back to my home and she is thriving in school etc
She no longer has any contact with her father - lots of reasons but the move was one of them
At the final residency hearing he wanted less contact than we were offering and that proved to all he just wanted her for the money etc

Good luck
Tazmac25

[MickyTaker]

thanks guys for your answers. Sometimes dads get painted as the bad guys. I know what I give her is nowhere near what it costs to bring up a child, but I give as much as I can and luckily have paid thru the bank so have proof. But I had to give her a pay out...she wanted 85% of everything, plus spousal maintenance, a new car in four years and a share of my pension. IN the end she got 55% and no future claim. However in doing so i have had to remortgage the house, the payments of which kill me, whereas she managed to buy a house outright and has no mortgage.

No she wont work...she gave up her job a month after we got married and hasnt worked since. That was twenty odd years ago. Our son is doing an apprenticeship. the CSA will not class him as a dependant as it is regarded a a job. She sent him to live with me when the Tax Credits and Child benefits ran out. She told him that was the reason and he will not speak to her now.

I dont know whether she gets income support. The CSA feel she can see my income but i have no rights to see what she is recieving. They have advised me to continue giving what i am giving her and it will be balanced when her claim goes through, they do not take into consideration any payments made before the date she approached them.I am self employed so my income has to be assessed. I dont earn a massive amount especially in the present climate.

The money isn't the issue, I cant tell you what it feels like to hear my daughter tell me that her mum says she cant do things because i wont give her enough money, and the fact for the last month she wont come to see me as she believes the things her mum tells her. It really does get me down.

[f.u.c.k]

she sounds like a money grabbing b1tch IO just hope none of this has rubbed off on your kids and that your kids are lucky enough to have one decent parent. man this kinda sh1t makes me angry. good luck