Baby Problems.

[Jenarry]

I feel like having a bit of a rant so here goes.
My brother and his new gf fell pregnant the month they met and had a baby at the end of october . The social services were involved from early on in pregnancy and they were both upset when ss took a more negative view on things and was talking about taking baby off them on day 1 mainly due to gf's history .The girlfriend was distraught and in flood of tears etc.
It turned out my parents were cornered into letting brother,gf and baby come to stay with them in their little 2 bedroom house for 6 to 8 weeks.
They are now on week 3 and my parents are getting very stressed with it all now and the ss haven't even started assessing how they are getting on with baby and if they can cope ,etc so I can see it dragging on for more than 8 weeks.
The frustrating thing is the gf has been 100% committed to keeping her baby during pregnancy and the endless meetings with ss,solicitors,midwives ,even the police but now baby is here it's like she's not interested. If the baby cries it's my brother that jumps up to go and see to baby while she doesn't bat an eyelid and doesn't show any interest .
Baby has been having terrible tummy problems with constipation and coliccy pain later in the day and yet doesn't seem to be trying to get to the bottom of it. she was feeding him a bottle of formula yesterday and she spent the whole time watching my brother and son playing a game on a tablet next to her and didn't look at baby once to check he wasn't sucking air not milk and then winded him for all of 5 mins.
my mum tells me that my brother is doing the lions share for the baby and helping a little with washing up etc but gf has to be asked to help or to do anything.even making sandwiches has been a real trial for her. my mum is getting exhausted having to sort out every single meal for them.
The gf has also showed signs of losing her temper with the baby which is very worrying as it's been crying so much .and one evening when he couldn't settle she was 'shoving' either the dummy or bottle in his mouth and then when that didn't help(as if it would) she put him down in moses basket quite roughly and went outside for a smoke!!! she sleeps thru the night and it''s my brother that gets up to see to baby and then she has the nerve to fall asleep on the sofa practically every afternoon.
we can see why the ss were so concerned about her.
it's all very worrying. she is saying she is stressed and tired (and my mum has caught her saying to health visitor that she does it all and my brother does hardly anything-she put the health visitor straight) but things are so easy for them now...okay baby has tummy problems that are a bit trying but they don't have to worry about shopping,cooking,cleaning and my brother is doing most of the baby care so what on earth is it going to be like when they go back to their own place. :/ :/ it almost feels like my brother would be better having baby on his own with our help.
Good knows what's going to be on the horizon and it is all falling on my mum's shoulders to look after them and to try to advise them if needed and ultimately to be the one reporting back to ss and health visitor about how things are.
There has been arguments about the leaving the baby and going out for a smoke thing and a couple of other things and 11o'clock one night during row she started shouting I'm going to ring up miss l,(her social worker) i've got to get out of this hell hole! what on earth.

[Caran]

Why were the SS involved from the start?

[BlackadderV]

I think the clue lies in the second last sentence of the first paragraph of the OP.

[Caran]

Girl friends history was not explained.

[Canary42]

The gf may well be still suffering from post-natal hormonal problems, so some consideration should be given to this aspect. You don't give any ages - immaturity may be an issue as well. Social Services should be providing support, not threatening removal. Altogether a stressful situation for your parents admittedly, but parenthood has never been easy, regardless of the age of the "child". I hope things improve and this fraught situation is soon resolved.

[ummmm]

I think you should stay out of it.

How she is in your parents home (and I presume you only have their word for it) could be miles different to how she'd be in her own home,

I love my in laws....but I couldn't live with them.

Maybe she's letting your brother take the main role because it's his territory.

[Canary42]

Very good points ummmm.

[1ozzy]

I agree with Canary42 @ 01:37.
Could be some form of post natal depression.
You indicate she doesn't lift a finger to assist with the usual household tasks. Is this only since the birth?, or is it indicative of her?
If SS were involved from the start this indicates they were aware of prior issues.
Your concerns show you are a compassionate person but I'm not sure of what you can do about the situation.
Maybe offering support to all concerned could be a good start.
IE: Visit and offer to help with household tasks, wash the bub, feed, try to calm it, etc.

[1ozzy]

Just read your post @ 22:56 14/10/14 Jenarry
Throws a whole new light on this one.
I wish them all the best.

[anneasquith]

could very well be p/n depression, but could also be the reason why her other children/child are not in her care, whether mum and new father like it or not, they may well have an obligation to report their concerns to the s.w. amd health visitor as the baby must be the priority in this situation.

[Jenarry]

sorry for the vagueness. ss are involved because due to concerns for child welfare she had a baby took off when she was just 18 but more recently just last year she had two other children put into full custody of their father due to concerns of neglect...children aged 7 and 3. she is 30 yrs old next month but acts more like teenager.
I was happy to give her the benefit of the doubt and she seemed so determined to have baby and to look after his needs but 3 weeks on it's like she's not even interested . I am trying to give support and I want to try and do more but it's so concerning that if she is finding it difficult now what on earth is going to happen when they are allowed to return to their flat.
me and my mum have agreed in a care plan to between us visit every other day to give help ,advice and support but will this be enough?...
Are we going to have to hold their hand indefinitely. she openly admits that she really struggled with coping with her 7 yr old son.

[Jenarry]

also my brother has an older daughter who we all love dearly but his ex has decided that none of us are to see her now as she knows new gfs background and has took the view that we had to decide between having anything to do with new gf and baby or her daughter. :o(
The new gf seems oblivious to the upset she has caused and whenever we talk about my brother or us not seeing her, new gf says yes its really hard for me not to see my two -i haven't seen them since last year .
It just makes me want to scream !! she is having these children took off her and then falling pregnant again and causing one big mess for a little innocent baby to be born into and affecting the life of another child who at the moment isn't allowed to see her dad,grandparents or auntie.

[anneasquith]

I am repeating myself sorry. but if you/mum/dad have concerns re the baby's welfare you are obliged to inform the authorities involved with this '' case '' I can sort of see your SIL point.

[Jenarry]

yes I know anne . I agree and I have said the same to my mum no matter hard it is baby comes first.

[tamborine]

Your brother needs to use condoms & stop impregnating his gf

[anneasquith]

does your brother work ? ie will mum/baby be on their own if/when they move to their own flat ?

[grasscarp]

Baby born end of October, so now even a month old yet and she sounds like she is suffering post natal depression. With my first child I had such severe PND I was hospitalised so I think she needs help.

[lcg]

i hate to be harsh, but she sounds like a useless lump and i really don't know what your brother was thinking - if he did think she would miraculously change. how can anybody expect her to be suddenly different on her 4th child? she obviously is lazy, immature and not cut out for mothering - and at worst is a dangerous child neglecter/abuser. if i were your brother, i would have thrown her out by now and got on with being a parent by myself - behaviour that you have described is just not on and you have to tell your brother and ss/health visitor etc. but beware - if you stick your nose in you will probably be blamed if things go south. why don't you chat to your mum/dad and get them to back off completely so your brother sees for himself just how his g/f is.....and hopefully he will see the light. looking after a baby/shopping/cooking/cleaning etc. is had (but he could do it - millions do), but if he is left to his own devices and is responsible as you say, hopefully he will kick her to the kerb quickly. if everybody else pitches in and takes up the slack, it will take him longer to realise this and longer to dump her. you could try talking to him about it to see how he feels (take him out of the house and away from everybody else) but at the end of the day, it is his mess to deal with, not your mum's or yours. he needs a wake up call and a reality check, and everybody pussy-footing around will not help.

[joeluke]

If she's already had 3 kids taken off her she's obviously not maternal and should have been sterilised before she had another poor child she can't look after

[Prudie]

It's unhelpful, a bit rude and against the Site Rules a bit but I totally agree with tambo and joeluke. She's already had 3 kids taken away and now problems with a 4th. poor poor children.

[askyourgran]

Now we are getting the bigger picture I agree with Joeluke. The housing set up isn't ideal for all concerned At least the baby has someone else to care for it besides it's mother.