Sister problems

[pitstopbunny]

I have a sister who is 6 years younger than me and we get on reasonably well. Once a month we visit dad's for dinner, which we did last night and I see my sister once a week normally.

My washing machine recently broke down and she offered to do one load of washing for me, once a week. Yet last night, after only the 2nd time of doing my washing, she declared that I needed to get myself a new washing machine (I am on incapacity benfits so this is impractical right now) as she doesn't have time to do my washing (she doesn't work, so I do not know why she has no time!) and promptly gave me back my washing, clean yet soaking wet.

Then I announced, that because I was spending Xmas day alone, (lack of invites on my families part) that I was going to spend a few hours at the local hospital helping out, to which she declared - it was very unlike me and what was up!

I can't recall what I have done to deserve this, but I am not sure what to do now....give her a wide berth or to tackle her, although I hate confrontation!

Last night, even with my father, I couldn't seem to get a word in and he kept talking over everything I had to say - I put it down to old age creeping in! My Step Mother even noticed it, so it must have been bad.

I love both my dad and sister but it makes me feel uncomfortable having dinner there and I cannot wait to escape and come home. Any advice would be great!!

[Scarlett]

Oh dear- I TOTALLY know how you feel. But I think this is simply FAMILIES and the way they are. You always hurt the ones you love and all that.I think you will feel SO much better if you confront them. Sounds like you are holding all this stuff in, which is probably contributing to you being ill. Hold your head up high, say to your sister, "By the way, I didn't appreciate you saying that helping out in a hospital was "not like me". Have you any idea how rude that was?" and see what she says. Being a sister she won't apologise, she will just make some excuse, but at least you will have said your piece!

And next time someone talks over you at the table, just say "Excuse me, may I finish?". They will then shut up, and be embarassed that you had to speak out because of their rudeness. If you let them walk all over you, they will. Stand up for yourself and they will treat you with more respect!

Regarding the washing- you can't really complain since it was a "favour" your sister was doing you. But it just goes to show that she is no sister to you by handing it back wet! Don't ask her for any favours again. Have you got a friend who could help you? Your sister will again, be ashamed of herself when she sees you have had to ask a friend to help you because she wouldn't.

In my opinion, families give us so much grief, you are often better off just socialising and investing time with your friends. They will treat you kinder!!

[twopennorth]

My advice is to enjoy your christmas day at the hospital where you will be appreciated. Perhaps this is something you could continue doing more often in the future? Who knows what friends you will meet?

Your sister sounds quite bitter. I wonder why she offered to do the washing for you when she couldn't really be bothered. Perhaps she thinks you're lazy, who knows. In future make your own plans so you don't have to rely on her. It might annoy her as it denies her the opportunity to make you feel inferior, but it will help avoid conflict you find unpleasant.

As for your old dad, well, you might just have to bite your lip. You know it isn't you as your Stepmother noticed it too.

Is it worth asking the council about getting a new washing machine? In our town the council had a reclamation scheme where people on limited incomes could go to a warehouse with donated household furniture and appliances. Charities sometimes have furntiture warehouses as well but you'd have to pay there which could be a problem if you are on a limited income. It could work out cheaper than the launderette, though.

[funnywebsite]

When she offered to do your washing she probably only meant the one time hoping you were going to get a new machine by then. She thinks you are taking liberties saying you are on incapacity benefit and there is no way you can afford a machine. It sounded like you are going to dump your washing there every week for ever. Use the launderette. You will be self sufficient and not need her help. Families are always falling out, you cannot please people. If you want to spend Xmas day at the hospital then do it.