Body & Soul0 min ago
Question About Security To Stop Abusive Ex.
6 Answers
Question:
I am moving back to a property where there is a chance my ex-partner could try and kick the door in or attack the property.
I am looking for a way to make sure the door is secure without too much change as the property is not mine. The owner (my mother) gets funny if anything changes too much.
The front door is a UPVC front door.
So far I am thinking about adding a chunky door chain (Not the flimsy ones) and drilling into the UPVC door frame and using Jack plugs with sturdy screws. However, on some websites quite a few people say even chunky chains type only buy you an extra few seconds.
I am also contemplating getting a RING doorbell or a RING security camera. Would you recommend these? While this won’t stop him it could prove to the police that he has come to the property (See below for details if needed)
The windows are double glazed and sturdy and have security catches so they can’t open fully.
Are there any other ideas that I am missing? Thank you.
Additional:
8 years ago I left an abusive relationship. The person used to hit me near the end of the relationship and control me. At the time I didn't ring the police as I was scared what he'd do. A friend helped me get away and move 40 miles away to a new town.
Sadly, he found out where I was, came to my door and tried to force his way in. He kicked the door open (Wooden door and frame) and then kicked through the chain. Thankfully a friend of mine was around at the time and stopped him from getting to me by hitting him with frying pan (It sounds like something out of Eastenders doesn't it?).
He left before the police arrived (25mins later) The police at the time weren't much help and said because i hadn't registered the abuse at the time this incident would have to go down as criminal damage. The attending police officer had a very poor attitude and didn't seem to believe us. It wasn't until one of the neighbours came forward with video of him kicking the door in that officer started to take notice (Im trying to keep this short). When they caught up with him he'd said he came around to get his stuff and that HE was attacked. As i say thankfully the neighbour had recorded 90% of the incident.
Now, after 8 years I am having to move back to the town where this person is and I am petrified. My mother had a fall, broke her hip and refuses to move. As I am the only one there is to look after her I have to move back there. Its only short term (5-6 months). While the rest of my family believe me and have seen evidence my mother doesn’t and thinks I am “Being paranoid” so doesn’t want me to add anything to the property.
I have called 111 to ask for advice but they just said for me to check their website about security and to call the police if he threatens or attacks the property.
Thanks for any help.
I am moving back to a property where there is a chance my ex-partner could try and kick the door in or attack the property.
I am looking for a way to make sure the door is secure without too much change as the property is not mine. The owner (my mother) gets funny if anything changes too much.
The front door is a UPVC front door.
So far I am thinking about adding a chunky door chain (Not the flimsy ones) and drilling into the UPVC door frame and using Jack plugs with sturdy screws. However, on some websites quite a few people say even chunky chains type only buy you an extra few seconds.
I am also contemplating getting a RING doorbell or a RING security camera. Would you recommend these? While this won’t stop him it could prove to the police that he has come to the property (See below for details if needed)
The windows are double glazed and sturdy and have security catches so they can’t open fully.
Are there any other ideas that I am missing? Thank you.
Additional:
8 years ago I left an abusive relationship. The person used to hit me near the end of the relationship and control me. At the time I didn't ring the police as I was scared what he'd do. A friend helped me get away and move 40 miles away to a new town.
Sadly, he found out where I was, came to my door and tried to force his way in. He kicked the door open (Wooden door and frame) and then kicked through the chain. Thankfully a friend of mine was around at the time and stopped him from getting to me by hitting him with frying pan (It sounds like something out of Eastenders doesn't it?).
He left before the police arrived (25mins later) The police at the time weren't much help and said because i hadn't registered the abuse at the time this incident would have to go down as criminal damage. The attending police officer had a very poor attitude and didn't seem to believe us. It wasn't until one of the neighbours came forward with video of him kicking the door in that officer started to take notice (Im trying to keep this short). When they caught up with him he'd said he came around to get his stuff and that HE was attacked. As i say thankfully the neighbour had recorded 90% of the incident.
Now, after 8 years I am having to move back to the town where this person is and I am petrified. My mother had a fall, broke her hip and refuses to move. As I am the only one there is to look after her I have to move back there. Its only short term (5-6 months). While the rest of my family believe me and have seen evidence my mother doesn’t and thinks I am “Being paranoid” so doesn’t want me to add anything to the property.
I have called 111 to ask for advice but they just said for me to check their website about security and to call the police if he threatens or attacks the property.
Thanks for any help.
Answers
1 to 6 of 6
Terrible situation to be in but it is rare for anyone to harbour this sort of anger for 8 years. I think if he bumped in to you in the street he'd be embarrassed and keep out of your way, but that won't give you peace of mind. I have a Ring doorbell and it is excellent. The images go straight to the cloud so even if it is vandalised the footage is safe. I get a quick reaction...
16:50 Wed 23rd Aug 2023
Terrible situation to be in but it is rare for anyone to harbour this sort of anger for 8 years. I think if he bumped in to you in the street he'd be embarrassed and keep out of your way, but that won't give you peace of mind.
I have a Ring doorbell and it is excellent. The images go straight to the cloud so even if it is vandalised the footage is safe. I get a quick reaction on my devices so that I can who is at the door before they even ring the doorbell. I would install a camera at the back of the property, too.
I think strong bolts top and bottom of external doors are better than a chain - if you have the camera you won't need to open the door to know who is there.
Hopefully you'll feel less stressed after you've been living in the house for a couple of weeks.
I have a Ring doorbell and it is excellent. The images go straight to the cloud so even if it is vandalised the footage is safe. I get a quick reaction on my devices so that I can who is at the door before they even ring the doorbell. I would install a camera at the back of the property, too.
I think strong bolts top and bottom of external doors are better than a chain - if you have the camera you won't need to open the door to know who is there.
Hopefully you'll feel less stressed after you've been living in the house for a couple of weeks.
@Barry1010
Thank you for your advice and help. I'd stupidly never thought of bolts for some bizarre reason so I've just purchased two very heavy duty ones from Screwfix and im picking them up this afternoon.
If only that were true "I think if he bumped in to you in the street he'd be embarrassed"
One reason i 'woke up' and got out was due to him going after an ex (While i was with him) that had left him 10 years previous. He smashed her windows and kicked her door in.
According to friends who are still in the area he got out of prison last year for stalking and assaulting his then g/f. He hasn't changed.
@bedknobs.
Thank you for the reply. I have but sadly the advice is not applicable.
For e.g;
It says to call the police and talk to them about security (which i did and they sent me to this page).
If there has been a history of harassment to contact the police and ask about a retraining order. (Ive already been told i can't as I didn't register the abuse)
To not return to any previous addresses they may know of until the restraining order has been put into place.
The only thing it did say which was helpful but i'd already done it was to flag it up with 111 so if I do call them they have my address flagged.
Thank you for your advice and help. I'd stupidly never thought of bolts for some bizarre reason so I've just purchased two very heavy duty ones from Screwfix and im picking them up this afternoon.
If only that were true "I think if he bumped in to you in the street he'd be embarrassed"
One reason i 'woke up' and got out was due to him going after an ex (While i was with him) that had left him 10 years previous. He smashed her windows and kicked her door in.
According to friends who are still in the area he got out of prison last year for stalking and assaulting his then g/f. He hasn't changed.
@bedknobs.
Thank you for the reply. I have but sadly the advice is not applicable.
For e.g;
It says to call the police and talk to them about security (which i did and they sent me to this page).
If there has been a history of harassment to contact the police and ask about a retraining order. (Ive already been told i can't as I didn't register the abuse)
To not return to any previous addresses they may know of until the restraining order has been put into place.
The only thing it did say which was helpful but i'd already done it was to flag it up with 111 so if I do call them they have my address flagged.
I like my Ring doorbell, it does everything I want and is easy to use but mine is a few years old now and there are other makes available that may be better/cheaper. Check them out before you commit. Your WiFi will need to extend to wherever you put the camera/doorbell (that is obvious but easily overlooked).
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