moving away with kids and new partner

[love my kids]

im in the middle of a nasty divorce from a man who was violent to me, and wants to hurt me as ive got a lovely new partner who im going to marry and settle with when im divorced. We dont live together at the moment, and want to move to him and take kids, they love him so much. My son whos 13 has no access with his real father, he was there when he beat me up the last time, but he still has access with the little boy whos 2. Have been told he could block me moving, and had a letter from solicitors this week asking me if i have intention of moving, i dont at moment, an frightened he can stop me. Offering him access but have been told that means nothing, he can say im moving too far...3 hours on coach! he doesnt work and has no intention...not paying csa he says. My parner has a good job, i will be able to finally work when im there as his family will help out with childcare, have no family where i live now, totally isolated. We have the chance of a better life, but he wants to spoil it at every turn....where do i stand? ive been told even though i offer access, he could say im being spitefull by moving away! im not! just want the chance for us all to be happy.

[fat rascal]

Hi,

have you talked this over with your solicitor?

i don't think he could stand in the way of you moving, it's not as if it's to another country.

soory that i don't have any concrete advice for you, but my heart goes out to you and your kids.

hope you get to start your new life ok

xxx

[love my kids]

have been told by my rubbish solicitor he can stop me moving the 165 miles to where i want to live, my partner comes from there, and i want to be with him, am so desperate as my ex just wants to use the kids to bring me down. I would even be willing to bring the young one back the 165miles on a coach once a month and pick him up at the end of the weekend, yet he can still stop me, it seams so unfair, hes going to stand in the way of us making a better life for ourselves with a man who loves us all as his family, its getting me down now. been told by my partners friend he can stop me moving to england, scotland and ireland...thats unfair as 2 of those are on the same isle as me!!

[love my kids]

just trying to find out if there are ways round this predicament... we love each other so much and want to marry anyway, have even been thinking if we marry before the move will that make a difference in the eyes of the court, as they would be breaking up another family, as i would have to move from my husband to bring the kids back so my ex who doesnt want to see them., hasnt provided to them, pays no mortgage, or has no job as he doesnt wasnt to pay the csa, can be the winner in all this

[noxlumos]

I'm no solicitor, but to the best of my knowledge you can live where you like with your children unless there is a court order to the contrary, which since it hasn't been to court yet clearly there is not likely to be. Have you got any sort of order from the court? Do you have a residency order for the kids?Exactly what reasons have you been given for not being "allowed" to move and by whom please?

[homerthegrea]

As long as you stay in this country then there should be no reason why you can not move, and even if it went to court you would win as you would be providing a better life for the children something the ex has no intention of doing

[love my kids]

havent got a residence order, just thought as i was the sole carer for the kids and hes of no fixed abode that was the state of play, know differently after reading threads here, my rubbish solicitor said at the time of raising that point theres no need to go into it as the kids live with me..she said he can slap an order on me from moving out of wales to england as technically i cant move to scotland, ireland or england as he can say its too far for him to travel, bearing in mind he wont work as he doesnt want to pay csa! im so worried of this as i know we will get a better life there, my partner has taken the kids as his own, even to the point where the little one calls him daddy. We want to marry, i can finally be able to work again, which will better my values and life, i will have a family support network with his family, as i have nothing here, i have no help with the kids, my ex pays nothing to them, or supports them emotionally. Was told this is something the interfering goverment bought out last year, this order to stop you moving away from the childrens other parent if its deamed too far, i would be moving 165 miles away, 2.5 hours by coach, i would want him to still have contact, even to the point where i would go out of my way to bring the little one back to wales once a month for him to have him for the weekend and collect him, that would be by coach, but i would be willing, i am so desperate for him not to stop me. My older child has no desire to communicate with his dad, he was there when he beat me up, so hes washed his hands of him.

[noxlumos]

I'm sorry I've never heard of not being able to move anywhere within the UK if there is no court order in place preventing you and as he's of no fixed abode whose to say where he himself lives and how far that might be from anywhere. GET a residence order and get a GOOD solicitor as you seem to have lost faith in this one, or at least explain to them that they have to make it possible for you to start your new life. I had custody of my kids and movde from the north of Ireland to London with them and didn't even have to consult my ex in any shape of form as I had a residency order and sole custody.

[PinkFizz]

Thats utter rubbish!! He cannot stop you moving at all! Only if you decided to move to another country would he possibly have a case.

[WendyS]

You say your youngest child's father is of no fixed abode at the moment. I can't believe that any court in its right mind would allow a parent with no job and no permanent home to influence the right of a mother to give her child a secure home away from such a situation.
I'd seriously consider changing your solicitor to one who specialises in family legislation - (she doesn't sound incredibly competent) - and see if you can't find one who will give you some proper support by going to court and getting a residency order. I'm sure that in your circumstances this would be possible.

[suzi-q]

Very sorry to hear your situation. I was in a very similar situation during my divorce. My husband was using my 2 sons to get at me, screwing up their heads with filth and abuse about me every time they went to see him. IHe used to phone and say he was on the way round to smash the door down. We'd get the cats in, pull the curtains and sit there waiting for the door to get smashed in. But of course he never did.

Then when I met my new partner he totally disowned the boys - he said they'd lied to him (which they hadnt). He was absolutely foul and abusive to them.

My advice would be to stay logical even though you are in the midst of such a messy situation. Time WILL pass and things WILL calm down and get better. My divorce was only 3 years ago and now I am married to a wonderful kind man, the boys are doing well and getting on with their lives.

Stay strong, if your solicitor is rubbish can you look at getting a second opinion? Whatever happens he can't rule your life for ever. If hes anything like my ex, hes a spiteful, inadequate bully who is unable to get into his head that you've moved on and no longer under his control.

I hope you can move and start that new life. You so deserve it.

Good luck and lots of love and STAY STRONG. I so sympathise with where you are. xx

[love my kids]

Thanks all for your advice, helps a bit to quell my fears of a future that my ex rules, but its what my solicitor who is actually a family lawyer told me, apparently shes supposed to be good, i havent seen this, my thoughts are that because i have a legal certificate im not worth bothering with, she cant make enough revenue from me, and when i speak to her she always reminds me that im 4 times over my certificate finances, yet the papers have just gone back to court!! i am so worried financially, and she wont tell me exactly what i owe, and if i decide to let someone else act for me i have to settle the balance with her immediately, which she knows i cant afford to. The order is a new thing that came out last year to prevent a parent taking away a child abroad or out of reasonable distance. I am just so worried, this divorce is about how much he can hurt me, little realising hes hurting the kids, hes alienated his older son, yet he cant see it.

[Schlomo78]

Hi there, I feel for you, having looked up quite a few things for my partner who has had trouble with my ex I never found anything that said his ex could not move away if she wanted to or even go abroad if she so wished. There is a site I had a quick look at and it has a lot of links to other helpful sites http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/ also maybe you could get an appointment at the Citizens Advice Bureau as your solicitor sounds like she really doesn't care about your case one way or the other.
I hope you manage to sort things out and have the happy life you and your children deserve.
All the best. :O)

[noxlumos]

You are entitled to know what you owe anyone at any point. Tell her you are immensely dissatisfied with her standard of service and are considering taking it further as you believe she has been negligent in her handling of your case and GO AND SEE SOMEONE ELSE. I don't believe you have to settle with her before you do that and another solicitor will be able to help with fathoming out exactly what she's saying as I still can't find any legislation that covers what you describe about moving within the UK. Good luck.