Mens advice please

[ummmm]

I had a row with my boyfriend of 5 years and locked him out of the house. That was two weeks ago and he's still not back. He said we need a long talk and I agreed. We are talking fine, I've met him for drinks, he says he loves me and sends nice texts. But I keep getting angry and say things like lets just sell the house. I phoned him and asked him some questions about decorating and he said he would get the stuff for me. He hasn't. I was suppose to meet him last night to talk but he had annoyed me earlier in the day so i didn't bother. I said we could talk over the phone because there wasn't much to talk about. That all I needed to know was what he wants out of the house. I was being spiteful I know, but now he seems to be agreeing about the split. Is he calling my bluff? There is obviously a lot more to the story and I'm not a horrible person as a rule but my emotions are running high.

[joannie10]

was he being abusive to you - why did you lock him out of what I assume is his house too? Of course dont know as an outsider if he is calling your bluff but looks like you are both playing games a bit. Is he not back yet cause you wont let him or up until now has he not wanted to come back? What is making you so angry etc. Of course dont need to know the whole story but whatever you both need to talk and talk properly - do you both really want to be together?

[ChuffingHell]

I think the first question is why are you getting angry and why are you saying things like suggesting selling the house, if you don't mean it?

Are you not happy with him? If you do love him, I think you've got to get your emotions under control otherwise you risk scaring him away.

As you answering your specific question, is he caling your bluff, you can't get the full story on AB but if you are being irrational like you seem to be suggesting you are, I can see why he might want out. Of course, it may well not be that simple (things rarely are) but I think you need to figure out what you want and then make movements towards that. Not keep chopping and changing your mind and having arugments. After you've decided what you want you ought to ask your bf what he wants too and hope it's the same thing.

Good luck.

[Roughquest]

Im confused ummmm - your previous posting stated you wanted out of this relationship as he was not giving you what you want - this seems a repeat of the question before - only in more detail. It seems to me to do want out, so start getting that ball rolling, what about your children - you have 3 - youngest being 7 - they must come first, to be honest he doesnt seem bothered and is perhaps a bit fed up of all this indecisiveness. If you ar4e not happy - things are not going to change, time to move on honey.

[joannie10]

i certainly did not know any of the history to this but feel the advice Roughquest is giving you seems very good. Everyone needs to be happy - this will not be doing your kids any good either.

[ummmm]

I know, I'm so confused. The children are ok cause we don't argue in front of them. I'm angry with him because something bad happened to me last year and I don't think he has been very supportive. Then if criticises me for something I do I start thinking about how he has made me feel and I start getting angry. I'm not very good at expressing my emotions, I don't like confrontation and I don't like to rock the boat when things are going well. So I stew and it ends up coming out as anger. But now it's got to this point I've started to panic. I had cut off my emotions to a certain point. But I can't imagine living without him and I'm a little scared.

[Perfume]

Tell him how you REALLY feel.
Be honest with yourself and him.
If you are both totally open you will be able to work things out properly.
In situations like this you have to be honest even if its not what you or the other person wants to hear.

[PinkFizz]

The longer this goes on,the less likely he is to come home.You two need to talk soon!

[ChuffingHell]

How can it not be having an affect on your kids if their dad's not at home?

I don't know about any of the previous history but if you're not happy, you really ought to do something about it. And if you think that living on your own isn't for you and you're better off where you are, then you have to try and make the best of the situation you're in. That means talking and not just getting angry. You have yourself and your kids to think about.

Also, have you told him you don't think he's been supportive? If so, and nothings chaged then you have to decide whether you can accept him for who he is. if you haven't told him, then you should. How can he change if he doesn't know it's a problem - although if you think it's something he should just know he's got to be supportive about and he's not, then again, you decide whether whether you can live with his attitude or not.

Then of course there's the critising. I wouldn't be too impressed if my other half critised me. We'll tell each other if we think we're being stupid about something but never actually critise and visa versa. But that's just me. Maybe you give as good as you get, I don't know.

[vanquish]

5 years is a long time to give up. just remember the saying the grass is always greener but it never is. the only way you can possibly sort this out is to sit down and discuss it.

live every second like its your last because it could be.

good luck x

[filthiestfis]

Sounds to me like you threw him out to teach him a lesson and its backfired. Better luck next time, maybe its for the better.