How would you feel?

[Jeffju]

What is your reaction to this? I'm intrigued to know how other people would react to my experience.

Been on holiday for two weeks. Agreed with ex husband (of 6 years) he could do some work on the outside of my house (was once jointly owned) while I was away, as I am planning to sell now and he will obviously benefit from the sale when he has his percentage. Fair enough.

Came back from holiday, his now wife had vaccumed my house from top to bottom, painted a wall in the lounge, put up pictures, put out candles and pot pourri, thrown away odd things that wouldn't mean anything to her but I wanted to keep, gone through my kitchen cupboards, painted the kitchen - ceiling and walls, I could go on.....

Yes I made a bad decision and shouldn't have left a spare key for my grown up daughter but...

Is it me???

[newlywed]

I would be furious!!!

I think it is a total invasion of your privacy and as for throwing things of yours away, how could they? I would be so angry if it happened to me.

I undestand that he benefits from the sale but they had no right to go inside the house let alone do anything to it.

So no it isn't just you.

[Black Noir]

If it was me I would thank them gratefully and tell them you have had a change of heart because the house looks so lovely and are going to stay after all.......

I would also be bloomin livid - did they just do it thinking it would add greater value to the house? Have they paid for all this paint or was it yours?

[CheekyChops]

Agree with newlywed, I would be FURIOUS!

How dare she throw away your possessions, I would insist that she pays for them or buys similar items! As for going through your cupboards, again I would be fuming.

Although I don't agree with her doing it without permission, I can maybe see where she was coming from by painting and putting out candles etc, she probably thought it would help attract buyers.

[Jeffju]

No they have probably used the paint already there. He wont charge me for the work, that is what we agreed as the sale of the house will benefit us both in the end.

It was just the total lack of human decency that has got to me, she just doesn't seem to have a brain ! I cant think of anyone else I have ever known that would do that in someone else's house.

[Marijn]

There is a good side to this.... You are no longer tied to a man who is so obviously disgustingly insensitive. I hope you can see this as a positive thing and count yourself lucky. She sounds just as bad too, so they deserve each other.

[Jeffju]

I think you are right. I feel better now I've told someone, they treat me like a child. I can't wait to move away.

Thank you.

[redcrx]

Id have gone mad at them, how dare she invade your privacy like that!

I was mad enough when my ex'es girlfriend who now lives with him in my old house, sorted through all my old things and shoved them in the attic!

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, would you have been so upset if you didnt know she was in your house...

[Jeffju]

I dont understand your comment.

[Marijn]

MrBen5... it doesn't really matter whether it was the new wife OR the ex husband who did the alterations. They were INSIDE her home WITHOUT her consent, changing things without her permission. They both seem very insensitive. And she's obviously a better person than either of them.

[liquidspace]

Definately should not have done that, invasion of privacy, I would be mad too. How would SHE like it if you did the same to her house?

[joko]

i would package up all the removable items and give them back to her, saying you don't like them and don't want them there - just to make a point

later on, after the point has been made, say you will agree to allow her put them out if and when you are showing the house to a buyer and she must come and remove them again afterwards.

[garry745]

For me, it most definitely is not you at all. Asked a question of a similar nature a few weeks back about this as my partners ex had been into our house during our absence, and decided to do some jobs all by himself.

I apologise in advance if I cause offence, but I think your ex husband is ignorant, arrogant and quite possibly stupid. He certainly didn't engage any brain cells that day, as any normal person would easily understand in that situation where the boundaries are. I dare say though that if you've mentioned this to him, he still can't see that he's done anything wrong, and is thus making you question whether you're right in feeling livid about his and his new wife's actions.

Simple fact remains. You asked him to paint the outside of the house. He chose to go beyond what was agreed, so is clearly in the wrong, no matter what his excuses are. He may have an interest in the house sale, but first and foremost, it is your home and that should have been respected.

Hope you've explained to him how you do feel about this, and where he went wrong.

[johnlambert]

Now I'm going to make you wish you hadn't read this reply so that you will want to gouge your eyes uot with a rusty spoon so that you can get the image out of your head:
Ready?











Are you sure?
















Last chance














Look away now











Did they also sleep and make sweet love in your bed??












I did try to warn you!!!!!

[Jeffju]

Yes I have certainly let him know how I felt about the situation and she won't be coming back. They did work very hard and did some jobs that were really necessary and I thanked them for it but, as you would agree a tradesman doesn't bring his wife along to do a makeover!!

Thank you for your comments.

[Jeffju]

They wouldn't have had time.

[unrulyjulie]

I too would be absolutely furious! It is a total lack of respect for you and your home. How dare he??? and how dare she? I cant imagine ever going into anyones home and doing this let alone the ex wife. What planet are they on?

I remember coming home from work and my mum in law had cleared out my spare bedroom, now it was mainly junk in there but there were also some personal things. Nothing private but just "my" stuff. I was fuming but didnt feel i could say a lot at the time because she thought she was helping! It is my space and i think that is very precious!

[pinkkitty]

oooh, Jeffju, I'm furious on your behalf!! That's so not on! There's little worse than the thought of someone going throught your private stuff. You say she doesn't seem to have a brain - do you think she was being genuinely nice or just interfering knowing it would cause a fuss?

[Jeffju]

I honestly think she was trying to help but didnt give a thought to how I would feel, and I don't think she cares how I feel about it anyway. (She does tend dismiss me completely, but thats another story).

She is one of those people that think they are an expert on everything and always trying to put you right.

Anyway I've made it clear and she wont be back!