Maintenance/School Fees

[garythecat]

My ex-husband pays me a monthly maintenance payment of �200 which we agreed upon 4 years ago. Despite the increased cost of living I cannot persuade him to increase it. Our son is due to start high school this September and as he is academic I would like to give him the opportunity to attend a private school that has a great reputation. He has not been privately educated before but I believe this would be a great benefit to him. My ex says he can't afford it but I believe that he just doesn't want to pay a share of the school fees [I can manage half but can't stretch to the full fees]. I believe that he is not being entirely honest about his income. He pleads abject poverty yet, as we speak, he has just departed for his second holiday to Cuba in 8 months, whilst leaving his brand new BMW on the driveway of his 4-bed detached house. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to pay an extra �200 per month for the next 5 years to enable his son to have a good education? As we have always been on reasonably good terms I have not involved the CSA to set a payment but I am resentful of his selfish attitude and think perhaps I should now get them involved to help me get him to pay the extra money. Your opinions would be appreciated.......

[unhappychick]

Well I cant really say as I dont know what he does for a living and wether he has a new partner/child etc?

I understand it must be hard for you to take that he has this 4 bed detached house and brand new BMW sitting on the driveway, but how do you know he hasnt got the car on tick, and with a 4 bed semi, I imagine he has a huge mortgage to pay....its difficult as I know that to you, your son is far more important than these "material" things, but sometimes we have to accept that our ex's have got there own lives to lead as well as us our own, �400 a month is a lot of money for 1 child, I know his education is important, but couldnt you get him a home tutor once a week? I did this for my daughter and it paid off very well, her results improved drastically at school, they specialise in most subjects and are really helpful! Not only that it works out a lot cheaper for you all...Hope this is of some use to you, hope it all works out!

[myselfness]

id be careful getting the CSA involved, as they could say he has to pay less than the �200, especially if he does have money problems..

and to be fair, its not as if you came to the decision to send your son to a private school together, you decided it and are expecting your ex to help, when he could believe state schooling would be just as good...

[bednobs]

i think you have to look at like this: if you were still together what would happen, if one parent decided they wanted the child to go to this school and the other didn't? if between you you felt, (or indeed if one of you felt) it was not affordable or desireable then i would guess it wouldn't go ahead. Just because you are apart, it shouldn't mean that you have more say on how he is educated. These days, amount of holidays, and size of house are no indiator of how much spare cash you might have! - people put things on credit all the time!

[carron81]

hi

i would say �200 is a lot more than some people get in a few months.

there is a website you can go to and it will calculate this. http://www.csa.gov.uk/ you need to know roughly his wage, tax, how many days your child is with him a year and it'll calculate roughly what he should be paying

but to give you an idea my boyfriend has 2 children with his ex and i put the exact figures in and for someone whos on �25000 per year with wages which could be �35000 it works out that he is to pay �30 a week and that isn't each thats for 2 children. So thats actally less than what he's paying. So thats still �90 less a month than you get for 1 child.

He also pays for, clothes, all xmas presents etc which aren't taken into consideration on this

[tigwig]

I think unless it's a joint parental decision then you can't really expect your ex to increase his payment. �200 a month does sound quite fair to me I bet if you accounted for everything you actually spend on your son it wouldn't come to that much.

[donn1901]

many ways to look at this. yes your ex could have a nice house and nice car, may not be paid for and have many things on finance etc.. csa is a way forward 200 is neither near nor there in the year we am in. my partner has a job which i admit is good but if we split bearing in mind we have 2kids he would be expected to pay 160.00-200.00 per week n the csa will have a direct hold over him you could have been losing out for years. if he has a good job believe me u r losing out. �50 per week in reality doesnt go far!! go all the way get csa involved if he wants to look after his kids like any man he would make sure they dont go without