Question Author
Instead what do i get? Instead of "i hope your feeling better cuz i heard you were feeling **** when you went to the doctors" instead - i get "you ******* put your feet up in the doctors?! OH GOD IM SO EMBARRASED?!" oh sorry. SORRY I THATS THE ONLY WAY I CAN ******* SIT TO MAKE MY CHEST FEEL BETTER. IM SO ******* SORRY IM ALIVE. Its almost like i could cut my throat wide open, and instead of "oh god quick call an ambulance" im more likley to get "******* hell ive just cleaned that carpet"
I got to A+E - i get a dad who would rather talk about the shift changes where he works, and a sister who turned up just cuz dad was there, who didnt even ask how i was, who then started going about the problems with her flat. And i sit there...when really why? I shoulda just walked out and left, accept the only thing to stop me was the pain. The only person who seemed genuinley concerned was the doctor, even though in the back of my mind i know thats part of her job. Yet i felt so much better just having someone there who just sat and listened, who looked at if she honestly wanted to help me. i found it strange...almost...perplexing...new? Its not that people have never helped me. but i dunno, maybe im so used to helping myself ive forgotten what human support is like...after all, its years since ive had a relationship. and technichally, they werent even proper relationships. I hold onto the thought they were because it makes me feel...oh i dunno. whatever.
ha. I shoulda known better. Look at me huh? here i am writting whatever to random website. Im 24, i live with my parents, i have like 2 friends who i get on with but only really see to get ****** with, i dont have a girlfriend. Id have hoped even my friends would be a bit more supportive. Instead its like they aint interested. I havent got a "get well soon" card....even though this is the FOURTH MONTH of this constant never ending ****. I get accused of ************, skiving, faking...why do i