• People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you're breathing.
• You finally find something you've been looking for, for ages but can't remember why you wanted it.
• You reach the toilet when you forgot what you wanted to do.
• Tightening your belt becomes uncomfortable under your armpits.
• Your spare tyre is larger than your car's.
• Your top three favourite pastimes involve sleep.
• Most of your sentences begin with, "When I was your age..."
• You had to get rid of your dog as he kept trying to drag you to the yard to bury you.
• Universities inquire about your donating your body to science - they are desperate for specimens of ancient civilizations.
• Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don't want you behind the wheel.
• Your bifocals need bifocals.
• A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.
• Watching paint dry has a certain fascination.
• You are often asked to give a personal account of the story of creation.
• You often repeat things...You often repeat things... You often repeat things...
• You discover the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down.