Separating - Who goes?

[forestertwo]

When a marriage has broken down, what is the situation when the husband refuses to leave on the grounds that he can't afford to live elsewhere?  There are two teenage children at home.  The atmosphere is awful.  I desperately need some advice.  Thanks.

[kazza12345]

i dont know if there are any legal answers to this but i can sympathize with your position  - however i can't see why the husband should have to move out, is there any way you (or the wife if its not you) could move out instead?  If you cant afford it, then i cant really see how you expect him to?

[mattie]

Get some legal advice, and get a solicitor who specialises in divorce. You will probably have to seek an injunction forcing him to leave the home, citing the fact that the marriage has broken down irretrievably, and the children are suffering.

In divorce cases, the welfare of the children comes first.

You will have to be strong to deal with this situation, for your children's sake if not for your own

good luck.

[Gilli]

Try looking at this website, & its message boards.

If you post details of your situation, you will get advice from others who've experienced similar situations and may be able to give you ideas for moving forward (... but be warned, the nature of such a site means that people from "both sides of the story" are equally likely to post and therefore you may not always get what you'd like to hear. Then again, it can be useful to see things from a different perspective).

You can also search the message archives.

www.ondivorce.co.uk

Plus - there's loads of info & links to sources of practical & legal help.

Hope it works out for you - hard to believe, but one way or the other it will eventually.

[Tim Baxter]

Who's assuming that the wife is posting the question?

There is no legal precedent as to whom should leave and I don't believe that any decision by either partner for either partner to be solely evicted is enforceable.

It's usually settled by bullying, threats, guilt, responsibility for the children, coercion or (at the end of the day) by good communication and reason.

If the husband can't afford to live elsewhere then the wife has to admit that there will be no maintenance for her if he does.  The childrens' maintenance cannot be waived but will not be enforced as long as the wife does not apply for CSA action!  These allowances should give the husband scope to move out.

As a last resort a court can enforce the sale of the marital home but then both parties lose posession, is that where you want to be?

[forestertwo]

I am the wife and if there were no children involved I would definitely leave and stay with a friend or whatever but it's difficult with two children.  I'd never desert them and for us to leave and rent will cost at least �550 pcm to stay in the area/close to school.  I take Kazza's point but it would cost my husband considerably less to go into lodgings than it would for the three of us to be uprooted, not to mention the additional stress for the kids leaving their home. 

[rarll]

When I was going through divorce, I was advised by my solicitor not to leave the home as this would be seen as dersertion and looked upon very unfavourably by the courts.

[Tim Baxter]

You have my sympathy.  Largely I agree with Mattie, take legal advice and start proceedings.  Children are looked on as needing care and protection etc and the courts will probably decide on action to help them.  If the process of this doesn't convince your hubby that you're serious, carry on and get an injuction.