When In A Hole, Stop Digging
This chap was stopped at a routine PSNI checkpoint near Newry. The officer asked to see his driving licence which he produced. He then started making conversation with the officer, asking how his day was going and how his family was. "Don't mind him" his wife in the passenger seat piped up. "He always goes on like that when he's had a drink". As the officer gets the breathalyser out the guy who was asleep on the back seat wakes up and clocks the officer. "Jaysus didn't I tell ya we'd not get far in a stolen car!"
As the officer calls for backup there is a tapping sound from the boot and a muffled voice. "We over the border yet?"