Friends Family Are Emigrating Tomorrow.......

[PIGGYPOO]

So how do I console a Friend whose Daughter and Grandson aged 3 are emigrating to Canada tomorrow....I have no words? She absolutely dotes on her Daughter and Grandson and is in bits... Dreading tomorrow. What do you say in a situation like this? I am in tears thinking about it already x

[pastafreak]

Its not easy...and they may not comprehend how their parents feel until faced with the possibility of their own kids leaving. When I moved from the US to the UK with my Brit husband and our daughter,I was a bit overwhelmed by my mums emotional reaction...particularly when we said our goodbyes. She virtually collapsed on her bed-beside herself with tears.
I came close to understanding when my daughter went off to Australia for a year. And I may have to face it again if she decides to leave the UK when she finishes her degree. Its a definite possibility.

Your friend has to remember that this young family has to do what is best for them...just look at the economy here to know many of us would move if the opportunity presented itself.

[Kassee]

I do think its selfish, as your friend is worrying about her own feelings, and how she is going to feel. Hope she is not making her daughter feel guilty about going because that would be terrible.

Her daughter has her own young family and her own life to lead, and its right and proper that she does that in any way she chooses without feeling guilty.

[Kassee]

You say your 17 year old daughter has told you she would never move away from you like that. But she is only 17 ! When she is in her thirties with a family of her own and the prospect of better opportunities abroad, who knows what she will do then.

[Robinia]

Telling her all about the obvious ie skype, facebook etc isn't going to make a scrap of difference right now. Your friend is understandably devastated and no doubt feels that half her life is disappearing over the horizon but she will adjust in her mind to the situation... it could take a short while or it could be a long time. All you can do is be there for whatever it is you normally do together...treat her normally but with allowances if you know what I mean.

I speak from experience, my son & family went to Australia 3 years ago, he recently came for a short stay on his own and it was even harder than the first time when he left again. I miss them all, the children are growing up far away but can only be thankful I have a confident, successful and hopefully happy son who's taken a massive step, I wish I had his confidence.

[jomifl]

Canada isn't that far, she has to learn to let go. I have a friend whose in-laws gave up their council house and friends in the east of England to buy a caravan in the south of England so that they could be near their child/grandchild. Their son-in -law got a job abroad so they were left 'high and dry'. If they had let their daughter go they wouldn't have lost their house and would have still been amongst their friends.

[ummmm]

I wish we had a 'like' option.

*like' Robinia...

[Robinia]

Kassee, it's not selfish to be upset when anyone is leaving, be they family or friends....it's human. It's only selfish if you use emotional blackmail to try and alter the course of things and I very much doubt Piggy's friend has done that.

[jno]

that's what happens with children, they grow up, they promise to forsake all others when they marry - and that means parents, they get families and lives of their own.

[Robinia]

Thanks ummmm, I felt a bit emotional typing that.

[grasscarp]

My daughter and son in law went to live in Chicago and had 2 children while out there. I went over several times but the biggest boon without a doubt was Skype. All free of charge and able to be right there with them in their flat most days. I even was the first to notice that grandson had a problem with one of his eyes by seeing him on Skype. They are back here now, so not like a permanent move. However, with todays communications not as bad as you think it will be.

[PIGGYPOO]

Thank you Robinia. Kassee my friend is not being selfish at all or emotional in front of her Daughter. She is portraying a very positive attitude in front of them actually and is encouraging them in her new life. I just know when they get on that plane she will fall apart........

[jno]

she mightn't, mums are often tougher than you think.

[Robinia]

...and even if she does crumble for a while she'll recover. She has other family, and obviously a good friend in you... she's not being deserted, it just feels that way at the moment.

[PIGGYPOO]

Thank you all x

[Kassee]

Sorry, I misunderstood what you were saying, and assumed your friend was voicing how she felt, and would feel, to her daughter.