Denial

[jennyjoan]

I visited a friend yesterday and like myself she has gained a lot of weight. She says she is a certain size but of course she is at least 3 sizes bigger.

Anyway she proceeded to buy a wedding outfit online and asked for the "slim" size - she was telling me she poured herself into it and then couldn't get out of it. She started to panic big time and tried to calm herself down and after about 20 minutes she got out of the outfit. She said she was lucky in that she didn't break the zip etc and therefore she was able to bring the outfit back.

She told the shop that their sizes were preposterous and that said garment was much much smaller.

I can't believe a person is in denial so much as I have accepted my weight gain. She is actually a size bigger than me. Why do people not accept their weight gain.

[ummmm]

Some people don't really notice if it's gradual.

[jennyjoan]

This applies to another friend who is worse in that she says she is losing weight - half a stone here and there - my God she is gaining said amount by the stones full. I just let them ramble on but it annoys me as I am honest re myself.

[jennyjoan]

Ummmm - it is not gradual - these friends were so very thin like myself - surely you know if your clothes are tighter and can't breathe etc. They have been fat let's say it for the last 10 years.

[tonyav]

Tell her to take a look in a mirror, jj. Not one of those fairground ones though.

[ummmm]

I don't weigh myself so only go by my clothes.

[sherrardk]

Each to his own - just because you have accepted your own weight gain doesn't mean that others will. Plenty of other stuff to get your knickers in a twist about.

[Buenchico]

Suggest to your friend that she finds out how the sizes used by the website she visited compare with other retailers. (i.e. you're only questioning her assumption that the retailer is out of line with others, not actually questioning her dress size). Provide her with a tape measure and get her to enter the measurements (via the sliders) here:
http://sizes.darkgreener.com/
The click the blue button (marked "New! See all your sizes") to find out the relevant size to order from a list of well-known stores. (I just entered some random measurements, for which someone should order a Size 16 from French Connection but a Size 20 from Gap!).

[jennyjoan]

I can't tell them to look in a mirror as they would look at me in amazement "Me I'm not fat".

I loathe and detest mirrors - I have body dysmorphia - just use a little one for my face.

Unfortunately some weeks ago I got into a lift and the bloody thing had mirrors all around - frightened the life out of myself when I saw Mrs Blobby and then realised it was me.

[Prudie]

I'd say 2 things, 1 is weight gain can be very depressing because there is a lot o pressure to be slim and I'd understand some people would be in denial and 2 sizes do vary considerably from different retailers.

[jennyjoan]

Prudie - don't I know it re depression over weight gain. Could write a best-seller on the topic.

[cazzz1975]

not looking in mirrors can be another form of denial, In your mind you see yourself as a certain size despite acknowledging you have gained weight, but until you acknowledge the reality (looking in a floor length mirror) you are in denial about your actual size compared to your mind's perception of your size.

[boxtops]

... and sometimes you can be bigger than you actually look. My friends are often surprised when I say my size - they say I carry it well. I think in the case of conne's friend, not only does she wish she were still a size x, but she's been unlikely with shop sizing - it does vary wildly from store to store.

[boxtops]

...it's usually a photo which shocks me - oh no, whose arms are those?!

[naomi24]

I agree with cazz. I think a lot of overweight ladies only look at their faces in the mirror. Perfect make-up, perfect hair …. the rest ignored.

[Old_Geezer]

Whilst it may be a friendly thing to do to mention you believe they are not facing reality, others' denial is not something that should affect you so. So, if they have a "problem" then you do too. Don't push it, everyone has to cope with life and if refusing to accept something makes life bearable and less depressing for them, well that's a common enough coping strategy, and they may well come to terms with the situation in their own time.

[jennyjoan]

Those are fair enough comments. Re the mirror business - I truly never looked in a full length mirror even when I was pathetically thin.

My mother was exactly the same - just a tiny face mirror and she was lovely looking and a lot slimmer than myself.

I am not in denial as I do know my size and what shape I am. Horrible may I say considering the figure I had many moons ago. Know, however, will never be that size again but need to really get weight off even for my health. But anyway enuff said. JjCon