The Blond Man

[retrocop]

A blond man is in the
bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but
I'm not sure what to do; it's for dry hair, and I've just wet
mine."

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A blond man goes to
the vet with his goldfish.

"I think it's got
epilepsy," he tells the vet.

The vet takes a look
and says, "It seems calm enough to me."

The blond man says,
"Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

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A blond man spies a
letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope
"DO NOT BEND" He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it
up.

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A blond man shouts
frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only
two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first
child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her
husband!"

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A blond man was
driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then
another, then another.

A cop car pulls him
over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's
your air freshener swinging about!"

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A blond man's dog goes
missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the
paper?"

He does, but two weeks
later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in
the paper?" his wife asks.

"Here boy!" he
replies.

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A blond man is in
jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his
feet.

"Just WHAT are you
doing?" he asks.

"Hanging myself," the
blond replies.

"The rope should be
around your neck" says the guard.

"I tried that," he
replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

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An Italian tourist asks
a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their
boats?"

To which the blond man
replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the
boat."

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A friend told the
blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."

The blond man then
said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

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Two blond men find
three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked:
"What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say
we only found two."

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A woman phoned her
blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your
wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you
yesterday."

To which the blond man
replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home
yesterday.