Coat Of Arms

[marval]

I was looking at my coat of arms today and I thought to myself, “I really need to stop amputating people.”

I find it very difficult to talk to my broken umbrella. It never opens up.

I have just bought some counterfeit Mr Kipling’s. I must say, they’re exceedingly good fakes.

Last night my partner told me that he is leaving me because of my obsession with 80’s pop songs. “Don’t leave me this way” I replied.

I have just started a soft rock band we are called “Limestone”

My colleagues and I were up to allsorts at work last night. I now regret working at a liquorice factory.

The BBC is releasing a new programme on BBC2. It is called "Siamese Ducks." They are starting with a double bill.

I have just listened to an army imitating the sound a pigeon makes. I will be honest, it wasn’t the greatest military coo history will ever record.

I was starving last night, so I made some Indian salsa. After his dance I made him get me a curry.

There is not a single pub in my town that allows trainers in after 8pm. No wonder all the staff at my local gym look so miserable.

[Patsy33]

Good ones Marval!...