Visiting Graves...each To Their Own

[nailit]

My mums brother died early this morning. Mum obviously distraught and facing the prospect of her own death and she being the last of 5 siblings.
Just been on the phone to my son to inform him of his (great) uncles passing. Ended up having a conversation about cremation v burial.

Turned out that we had some differences in out preferred method of body disposal. (Not something that we had ever discussed before)

My son thought that burial was best as surviving relatives had a place to continue to 'pay respects' (whatever that means)

I, personally, find something morbid about continuing visiting graves of deceased loved ones.
My own father is buried and the only time that I have visited his grave is with my mum. And that's only to support my mum, otherwise I wouldn't go.
(my mums own wishes are to be cremated)

I can see arguments for both sides, but my preferred method (between the two) would be cremation and let the survivors get on with their life and not keep on having to visit the site of, what is essentially, a rotting corpse.

Burial or cremation?

[nailit]

(BTW, I ve actually obtained the forms to leave my bod to a medical teaching facility...just havnt sent them back yet...hoping for a few more years!!)

[pixie374]

I would always have said cremation... mostly to make sure I am actually dead lol. But I do agree burial is much more environmentally friendly, back into the ground. Just individual decisions though, whatever someone prefers.

[scorpiojo]

Ashes can be interred in a cemetery.

[pixie374]

I have never visited graves, as they are not there. It means nothing.

[scorpiojo]

...check how much space is left in your local cemeteries.

[TonyV]

For some reason my mum opted for cremation rather than "contaminating the soil" I always carry a donor card with me, some of my old bits might be of use to someone else.

[woofgang]

Cremation and no casket of ashes or memorial at the crem either. The bit that is burnt is not the person, its just the husk that they used and left behind.

I have posted this before

"You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him/her that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let him/her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her/his eyes, that those photons created within her/him constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith. Let them know that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly".

Aaron Freeman

[pixie374]

I have a donor card, but that doesn't affect whether you are buried or cremated.

[ummmm]

My plot is already paid for!

I don't visit the graves anymore. Too many family members buried close to each other. It just upsets me.

My kids can decide what to do with me, I couldn't care less.

[nailit]

//not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly//
LOL
Love that bit ;-)

[pixie374]

I've always been disorderly :-). It matters more to those left behind, I expect. My children can do what they wish.

[douglas9401]

Cremation for me, have me dispersed, recycled and back in use all the quicker.

I might print that off, Woofgang. :-)

[pixie374]

Is that quicker, Doug? By the time the smoke has settled and the ashes have got to the ground. I would have thought a burial in something biodegradable would be quicker.

[douglas9401]

I'm only thinking about what gets past the filters and up the lum, Pixie.
Captured by a gentle breeze and wafted onward to whatever awaits. :-)

[nailit]

My father wished to be buried. But, to my mind at least, came the unuttered wish that he was still here (albeit in a plot) and still in control as people would still come to talk to him (as my sister and mother do).

Im probably way of the mark but that's just the way I think.
Once Im dead, that's it for me. Any surviving relatives can talk to me as much as they want....I wont be answering!
Cremate me ASAP and have done with.

[pixie374]

Ok Doug:-) good luck xx lol

[nailit]

Wouldn't want to put my own child through the trauma of thinking that he had to visit my grave and communicate with me once im gone.

[Maydup]

Either way I dont visit graves or the memorial stones other than very occaisional as research into family history. There is nothing there for me and I feel no emotional attachment to the spot whoever it is or however close. I find more comfort and attachment in my thoughts and memories.

[MallyJ]

Cremation followed by a scattering of ashes ..... Really not into watching people die, visiting the dead body or popping off to have tea at a graveside...why? I do not want those to be the last memories of people I have cared about...having said that, if the deceased hasn't expressed a preference it is down to the person taking charge of all the arrangements....you do just what you think is best for those left.

[ummmm]

If we had my dad cremated his ashes would probably be sitting on my fireplace.