Coroners

[bednobs]

I have been recently bereaved. As the death was unexpected and the cause is unknown, a police investigation is ongoing. The PM has not given any answers so far, but several complete organ and various significant other body parts have been retained for further investigations. The police inform me that these further investigations might well take a year or more.
An interim death certificate has been issued, which would allow a funeral. There are 3 choices
1) go ahead with a funeral now, and let the police/coroner deal with the retained parts when they have cmpleted the investigation (hospital incineration) 2) go ahead with a funeral now, then ask the funeral director to deal with the retained part when the investigations are complete 3) wait till the investigations are completed and then repatriate all the parts and have a funeral.

My head is swimming and emotions are overwhelming me regarding these horrible choices on top of the grief i feel i'm drowning in. Ha anyone been in this situation, and can offer me words of guidance/reassurance? How do the mechanics work if i went with choice 2 but the funeral was a burial? Lastly, can you just go and talk to funeral directors to ask for advice even if you don't retain their service or their services might not be needed for a year?

[pastafreak]

Oh bednobs, that is unspeakably sad. I cannot imagine the turmoil you must be experiencing.
I cannot offer any practical advice, except to say to follow your heart and also what is most practical for you. Do seek the advice of funeral directors as they have the experience to offer the best advice.

[calmck]

My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
To speak with a funeral service is good advice. As the retained parts are significant could you have the funeral now and then have a cremation of the retained parts and set the urn into the grave or plant a bush with them in a place that is special to you

[Butterbun]

So sorry to hear your news bednobs. My sincere condolences to you and your family.xx

[albaqwerty]

I don't have the words, am just so very sorry xxxx

[wolf63]

I can't even begin to understand the hurt that you are suffering. A big cyber-hug from me. ♥♥

[marval]

I am so sorry for your loss Bednobs, there are no words.

I cannot help with this, but I think talking to the funeral directors might be useful.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all at this terrible time.

[Cloverjo]

Very sorry bednobs.
I can’t climb inside your head, but I think you need a funeral. Not that it will end your heartbreak and grief, but your baby will be laid to rest.

[scorpiojo]

So sorry for your loss, bednobs. Maybe some advice from here

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/bereavement-support/

[rowanwitch]

So sorry bedknobs, whatever you decide for a while you will wonder if you are doing the right thing. One day whichever you chose, you will know that you did. Follow your instincts once you have all the facts.

[Tilly2]

I am deeply saddened to read this, Bednobs. Truly awful.
I believe that option two would be best, with the cremated retained parts ashes being added to the grave at a later date.
My sincere condolences to you and your family.

[tamborine]

Sincere sympathies bednobs. A friend had same experience with her child and organs were retained at medical college indefinitely. I hope this helps your decision.

[bednobs]

thanks everyone

[barry1010]

I am sorry for you loss.
There is a fourth option.

You could have a memorial service now to bring together friends and family to remember and celebrate the life of your daughter and to mark her passing - this could be in a church or anywhere - with a funeral proper when the investigation is complete. This solution may help to ease the burden of your grief.

[bednobs]

a this is answerbank and answers may help someone in the future, i'll write what i did
i called a funeral directors to talk through this - they were perfectly happy to chat to me despite the fact i moght not need services for a while. With option 2 they can re-open the grave for the extra parts later (although in a separate coffin) If we have a cremation they can do the 2nd part later, but there may not be any ashes for us to get back for that part

[Mamyalynne]

At least now you have a little more to base your decision on when you need to, so glad they were happy to talk you through the options.x

[windywillow]

How terribly sad this is. You don't know me but I hope you will accept a cyber hug from a stranger. {{{HUG}}}

[tamborine]

my above friend had a burial of her beloved daughter. Few were aware of the circumstances, except as cot death. She has since had 2 more healthy children, now adults. Wishing you a similar future happiness.

[tamborine]

p.s. She is also has grand children.

[pixie374]

Just so sorry, bednobs xxx do whatever you feel is best xx

[bednobs]

that's kind of you tambo, but as i'm now a sterilized 46 year old it seems rather unlikely!