Can a person be too 'Kind'?!?

[xAsh]

Now, this may seem a silly thread in advance.
But, can a lad be too kind to girls or to anyone?!?

I'm a 19 year old male from the south coast, Portsmouth to be precise. I think i'm too kind to people, especially to girls. I mean, i think it's cheesy as such, just the way i've been brought up. I think girls see more as a friend, i just wish girls would see me as more than that instead of going for the 'jack the lad' type of guy with all this up front confidence, why do girls do this and not go for guys like me, i mean sometimes it does my head in, this guy at work, so arrogant, cocky, 17 years old, not particularly great looking, but all the girls are around him and he's not kind at all. I just feel im too polite, too generous, is there such a thing as being 'too kind' without making yourself look cheesy or as if you want something?!? Why can't some people just realise that you're a nice person?

Im going to ask this girl ive liked for ages at work tomorrow, shes like me, nice person and ok looking, i look quite young mind. I just am wondering because, silly as it sounds, do you girls or have you ever rejected a guy because 'he's too kind' and seems cheesy.

Sorry about the SA lol, i haven't really phrased it right but you get what my general question(s) are.

Thanks

[bednobs]

it shouldn't be like this, but nice, accommadatng obliging guys are just not attractive! i think there is something in our dna which makes women want butch (in an emotional sense) men on some level, even if we deny it. there is alo something about a meek ans mild personality that makes you just want to push it!

[missjef]

I wish more lads were like you!
Im an 18 year old girl, and im sick of kads being too full of themselves, or trying to act all manly & stupid because they think they will look stupid infront of their friends if they act themselves.
i just dont get it. There are so many guys out there who will just use girls, and i wish there were more guys who wouldnt do this!!
My boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday after going out a year and a half nearly saying that he wanted to be alone!!
So in answer to your question no way have i ever or would i ever reject a guy for being too nice!
emily x

[B00]

Short annswer "no"- a lad can never be too nice to girls or anyone!

I'm willing to bet that if you asked any of your female friends out they'd happily say yes! Do you think that perhaps because you are friendly and nice, that they think thats all YOU want from them? Friendship??

I'm sure the girl you like will say yes to a date when you ask her- Good luck.

[Barmaid]

For some reason, many women just go for bad men (speaks from experience). But you have to date a few bad eggs to really appreciate kind people like you. I suspect your big problem is not your kindness though, but possibly a lack of confidence.

Having said that I ended a recent fling with a very kind bloke. Not because of his kindness (he was lovely) but he was SO eager to please - too eager. It was like having a little puppy dog running round after me trying desperately hard to please me. It drove me mad. If I wanted a puppy dog, I would go to the pet shop!! So as long as you don't come across as TOO eager, just work on the confidence. But never ever ever stop being kind. There are far too many bad people in this world. And one day you will meet someone who appreciates your kindness and generosity.

I hope all goes well with the young lady tomorrow.

[B00]

you should have got him to dig up your back garden before you dumped him though barmaid

[xAsh]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your replies.

I think yes, i do lack in confidence. I think because ive never been with too many girls, that's the problem. I understand girls like different types of males though.

I think i am kind, because A) i was brought up like that, and B)Probably to 'scared' if that's the word to make myself look silly. I've got a fun side but i don't know why that doesn't come out with girls. It's just really strange, i think ill always be the same.

Anyway, thanks again guys and girls, appreciate it. Some good tips and words there.

Hopefully shell say yes.

Take care all.

[Barmaid]

Yeah silly me! But even I couldn't use someone like that. Still I never had to wash his socks!!!!

[raysparx1]

xAsh, Confidence will come, if you can make a girl laugh you are half way there, be polite,open doors for ladies,treat them with respect, I have always treated ladies with respect,but i was also a bit cheeky with them, don't try to be something you aren't you will just look like a winkle, there is a girl out there for you,just try not to come over as weak,but don't stop being nice.

[sophie_1003]

ray---so glad to hear someone say about guys opening doors for girls, got one of those forwards through my email the other day that was "what guys wanna kno about girls" one of them was---"do you want us to open doors for you or do you want to be all independent and do it yourself" or something like that, I suppose I'm quite old fashioned in that I get quite offended if a guy doesnt hold a door open for me, he doesnt have to let me go first, just dont let it slam shut in my face! suppose that applies to women as well though!
xAsh---you sound lovely, im 19 and when I met my boyfriend although he was really lovely and cheesey he did have confidence, but I think even if he hadnt (had confidence) I still wouldve been attracted to him, loads of girls are romantics at heart and as long as your not too eager (like Barmaid said) you should be fine!

[xAsh]

Thanks for more replies ray and sophie. I have decided, i will definitely as that girl if she wants to go to the cinema. I'll be nervous but what the heck. If shes says no then at least i know.

And ray, i think people do see me as a pushover, but i like it like that, none of them know ive done martial arts for over 8 years and do boxing too. :).

[raysparx1]

xAsh, You sound like a really nice bloke,good luck matey, go for it, Ray

[Tha-Flash]

It's good to be nice and kind.

Let's say someone asks you to do something, you can just say "yeah, i'll do it in a minute".. as in, you'll do it but aren't going to jump straight away.

If I tell you that you can be too nice then you might go out and be the total opposite so just use common sense and find a balance. It's about what YOUR comfortable with.

Man, this is all self improvement. I love this stuff.
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/community/

good luck with it

[luckyeight]

On the subject of opening doors, I hate it when ppl make it into a gender issue - I open doors for everybody if I'm near the door and would expect anyone to do the same for me (not in a 1940s Hollywood style, but just if you see someone coming and it would be rude to let the door slam, you know?).
On your subject, Ash, I agree that it is possible to be too kind - not just with girls but generally in life. It's about the fine line between kind and a pushover... I think its because people are attracted to people with self respect and self confidence, and if you are constantly attentive about other people to the point that you compromise yourself, it can be perceived that you have no self respect, in a way. It's that phrase 'generous to a fault' - you can give too much sometimes and I think people are suspicious of that sometimes eg the poster who referred to the 'puppy' boyfriend.
It's all those good old fashioned concepts, I suppose - treat em mean, keep em keen, playing hard to get etc - oldest tricks in the book, but they still work, for boys and girls.
I think the secret is to stay the kind, generous, sensitive lad you clearly are, because a good heart is worth everything in the end, but just be careful about how you reveal that to certain people, if that makes sense. Women don't really like bstrds, they want good, true qualities, but everyone is intrigued by 'antihero' qualities sometimes.
Best advice tho is to not change yourself intrinsically; you are who are and people will always respect that. It's just maybe the impression you create you need to work on - if you've offered to go out of your way for someone a few times, then just be careful you don't get taken advantage of and have ppl think you're a mug. You get what I mean. Btw, love that you do martial arts n boxing. Nice work! Good luck with the girl. If it's meant to be, she'll say yes.