Feeling a build up.

[ChocolatChip]

I know the odd person is often whining at me, since I am often writing about my depression on here. But the pressure is really building up inside me. I've begun self-harming, to try and help remove the pressure. For example, I cut myself today because I felt like I didn't give my dad enough affection when giving him his father's day card and gift. My boyfriend had known about what I was doing, and threatened to tell my parents if I do it again.
I'll be seeing my psychatrist on the 20th, and I am planning to speak to him about this.
I have so many people around me, but I feel like I can't speak to them, I don't want to hurt them.
I feel so dreadful and lost.
(By the way I am having cognitive behavourial therapy and I am taking anti-depressants)

[Sir Alec]

You are not whining. I have suffered from depression for many years and people have no idea what it is like unless they've had it themselves. When you see your psychiatrist, you must not hold anything back. Depressed people often feel like they are "bothering" their doctors. That's what they are there for. If you don't feel like you can talk to the people around you, discuss this with the psychiatrist as well. He may know of simple techniques to help you "let go". You will find that relatives and friends can be more sympathetic than you think. I've often been accused of being "nasty" when I've been depressed, mostly because I've needed some one to talk to, no-one wants to listen and I get frustrated and so say things I don't necessarily mean. So, all I'm saying really is - use the psychiatrist, it's what he's there for. If your not satisfied, it's always worth getting a 2nd opinion. Good Luck!

[ChocolatChip]

Thank you Sir Alec.
It is extremely difficult for people to understand. I don't trust any of my friends, and even if I did want to open up to them, they're too busy telling me their problems, to think about even asking about mine.
I feel like such a failure, and that I can no longer cope with life.
I'm terrified of everything. I can't cope.

[missprim]

I agree with everything Sir Alec said but it is so difficult when you have no-one to confide in about how you feel and if you have not suffered this, it's difficult for others to understand.Ask you GP or psychiatrist if there is a scheme where you live where you can get one to one counselling with someone who will understand you and will listen without telling you, as friends do, that they have problems too.The problem is that these courses only last for so long, but hopefully in that time you may have learnt a little on how to deal with your problems.Good luck and don't give up.

[luckyman]

i feel for u choc,but u need to take what is said on here with a pinch of salt,,,only ******* anyway would want to wind u up...chin up!!!!!!

[andy-hughes]

As a short-term measure, I do reccomend a call to The Samaritans.

The lack of vision and voice-only contact will enable you to sday exactl;y what you want to say.

Their volunteers are trained to be patient, so slilences are no problem, and ytou don;t have to try and 'make conversartion'. Sometimes just having contact with a non-judgemental stranger can be very theraputic.

I know - I was a Samaritan for three years, and I have a complete breakdown twenrty years ago, and was hospitalised, and take medication for ever, so I speak from both sides.

Do post here if you need to - I think the Ed is very patient with these situations, and there are people on here who can understand and support you.

Hope this helps.

A x

[Sir Alec]

Well done andy-hughes! The Samaritans is an excellent idea. You can even talk to them online if you are too emotional to speak about this. I don't understand why anyone would think that I'm trying to wind ChocolatChip up. I've been Bipolar since the age of 8 due to merciless bullying at school and a totally unsympathetic family. It's terrible when no-one will listen to you. I think it's taken guts just to share a problem as serious as this with complete strangers on AB and I hope that Choc finds the help that she obviously desperately needs very soon!