A Depressed From Life Need Advice Help .

[xion1717]

not want to give my life story , but its like a puzzle that need to be solve ..
1 - i lived in a pour develop country witch one of the worst pour countrys in the world .
2 - had a very hard childhood where my family dosent give any care for me , my parents duress me in the house and never let me go outside or communicate with others for 20 years , except for school until 3 middle school , was doing house work of cleaning and cooking and washing and others , my mother was sadist , with everyday routine of hitting and yelling without any simple reasons , only cause she want to .
3 - school is another type of hell where teachers was only come in the class to set or ask question and do punishment of hit , they didnt give a damn to teach us , even in the test when we ask all the question correctly we wasnt giving rank higher then %80 , some of them are asked for bribe if we want to succeed .
4 - the society we live in is fully corrupted , what ever we do we should give bribe to done anything , even for hospital care that we paid for already .
5 - had difficulty in pronounce caused by an accident where i was hit with iron plate by my mother in my head in 13 years old , witch let the people had difficulty to understand what i said .
6 - was usually kicked out and sleep in the street every week , witch was some of my luck that i had a netcafe were i was able to go to and used the Internet for free for some service that i do for the netcafe keeper , and i owe him for my life for that , but whem i was kicked out usually i was capture in the morning and forced to back to the house .
7 - with the Internet i was able to learn alot of skills , i make some experience , English ( fluent ) , Japanese ( conversional ) , design using 3d max and phottshop , illustrator , after effect , primary , muse , dreamweaver , programming language c# and unity 3d , embeded systems using flowcode and arduino ide , website design with html and php , and master the use of computer and ms office , almost all skills are in middle level of experience witch give me the ability to do some middle complicated application level .
8 - was lucky enough to run from the house and work for company , but they used me for the maximum level and put me in high pressure work sometime 2 days without sleeping , all this for room to lived in and $50 in the month , others worker getting $200 , and the country was had civil war .
9 - for some problem happen in the company , some worker was making mistake or robbery and through it on my , and for some extra caution i make , i prove my innocence , but this people became threat my life and they try to kill me more then one time , cause of that i was had no choice but to live inside the company for 5 years .
10 - i find a good chance to refugee from my country to other country where i find a work in another company as a programmer , the company still new and its manager know nothing about programming or how usually the companys been managed .
11 - other then tell that my country had a war , and some gang are after my life and my family still try to capture me again , the country i work in right now are hate my country very much , and we are always getting Ethnocentrism , and my manager in the new company know how to give order only , if i told him it may take month , he make it one weak .
12 - when ever i apply for any company they ask for univercity certificate that i couldnt take for money and life situation .

the conclusion is : i dont know where to run , and what to do , every person i know in my life is trying to kill me or to used me , i am super depressed and hate every single cell of my body , wishing if i sleep with never wakeup , whatever i do i just failure because where i am and for not having money or power , i know its just a damn fate and some people meet a worst then that but still i struggle to change it .
i need help but where and how ?
and dont advice me to suicide , cause when ever i try i couldnt .

[jim360]

Nobody on this site will advise you to kill yourself. I don't know he country you are in right now but if there is any kind of professional support system for mental health then you should try to make use of it. But in the meantime, for what little it's worth, somebody who has faced those kinds of challenges growing up and has overcome them has a right to feel proud of how far they've come, even if it still feels difficult and depressing to be in the present situation. I don't expect this to help, but the only way to overcome the negative emotions and depression is to let them pass, and to hold on to the good from time to time.

[brainiac]

It sounds like you are not in the UK, but if you are I recommend you phone the charity Samaritans, who have sympathetic, trained people who will give you excellent advice.
The number is 116 123

If you don't want to call them, you can email them:
[email protected]