child support

[mummy_1983]

My sons father moved to spain about 17 months ago. He said it was for a fantastic job with better pay and he couldn't turn it down. The job never happened and the move was so he could be with his spanish girlfriend.

He was paying child support up until he resigned from his job in England and told be he would pay once he started his job in spain.

He never started this so called fantastic job he said he was offered and found work out there over a year ago. He has not paid a penny towards our son and have asked for help towards sons birthday party with school friends but he would not help.

we are in talks about payments still a year later and from his payslip he will only have to pay £11 a week even though he only sees his son 6 weeks a year as for his choice to move so far away.

Not only has he moved so far away his payments will be nearly 60% less than before he moved and spent a lot more time with our son.

Legally can i ask or have him pay towards our sons swimming lessons and extra maths and english lessons he does at weekends on top of the £11 a week, once he starts payments. The maths and english lessons are needed as he is in a extra support class twice a week at school and has improved since he started an learning centre which he enjoys more than school. If shared 50/50 would only be £59.00 each a month.

I know the cost of living is cheaper out there and he is working with girlfriend and living with her so his costs are shared with her. I am not being greedy I just feel as if I am paying for everything while he lives life and I go without to give our son help with his education and a healthy life.

Any advice on if I can legally ask for this money or any sites with information on what I can do in regards to this.

[waterbabe]

If your husband had any intension of helping with the cost of bringing up your son he would already be doing it. In my experience you just have to get on with it your son will grow up knowing that you have done your best for him.

[Kassee]

In my own experience - if he doesnt want to pay - he wont. My ex walked away from a long marriage, we had four children, he went self-employed and never paid a penny. It was a struggle - but it was his loss.

At the end of the day, they have left the most important thing in their life - their own child. My advice to you would be - wash your hands of him - walk away - let him live with his own conscience. Look after your little boy, and life will get better for you both, and easier as time goes by. Good luck

[waterbabe]

Kassee is right my ex refused to pay maintenance and wouldnt work so he had plenty of time to cause as much trouble as he could.
I battled on worked hard and brought my daughter up myself its years ago now and my ex now regrets what he did to myself and our daughter.

[pink-kittens]

'Legally', you can ask him for what ever amount you choose but you won't get it. I'm assuming you havbe goen via the CSA? If they can't get their act together for both parenst living in the UK then chasing someone who lives abroad must be even more of a nightmare!

As for washing your hands of him? To a degree a agree however, you cannot fully as you have a child with him. What you can do, is stick to your agreement, allow your son to see his dad where ever possible and be sure that somewhere in his life both your son will see for himself that his father is a waste of space and that your ex will regret what he has done for the rest of his life

[Kassee]

Well if he is not helping to financially support his son, and he is off living in Spain. I'm sorry but I would wash my hands of him. I definately would not let my child out of the country to visit him. and if he came to this country to see his son, then I would want some financial help or I would not want him around at all.

What sort of role model is that going to be for a little boy? Set down the ground rules and stick to them.

[pink-kittens]

Financial support and seeing the child are completely separate issues and should remain as such to do other wise would be selfish and means you are only thinking of yourself and not what is best for the child. What is best for the child is that contact is maintained with the father without exception where possible and it is possible here

Being a role model involves so much more than handing over some money each month and there are already ground rules in place here. All that is needed is a little more help financially and mummy is asking how she may go about that.

[mummy_1983]

Thanks for replies. One day when he is old enough to undestand he will form his own opinion of his dad and I agree that is for my son to do on his own.

Would be nice if his dad could think of his sons needs rather then his own needs. We have been in talks about payments last couple of days, but not willing to concider any more than £11 and he is telling me this is without deducting his travel costs off!!! Flight cost, train fair ..... When he chose to move to spain. After this payments are nil.

Starting to think it is easier and less stress to just forget about the child support.