13 year old daughter and options

[hammerman]

My daughter is approaching the time she has to choose her options and hopefully a path to her future career. However this is proving a little more stressful than it should.

She's doing ok at school...she'll never be a nuclear scientist but im happy with her progress. Trouble is, i want her to choose her career path with the current economic climate in mind and the fact that school leavers are in the top percent of unemployed people.

She's good at IT (computers etc) but she hates it and doesn't want to go there. I've tried explaining that she will have the possibility of earning good money and the jobs are generally out there.

However she either wants to do photography or hair and beauty (the latter being what her older sister...my step daughter, did). I wouldn't mind her doing hair and beauty but there's just not the money or the jobs out there. I'd prefer her to do photography as a hobby and then develop it from there.

I know you can't tell me what to do but surely some of you must be in the same situation.....what will you advise your kids ?

regards

HM

[NOX]

If you force your daughter to take IT when she hates it then you are on a hiding to nothing. Your motivations seems to be born of fear of failure, unemployment etc but if she hates IT she will never work within that industry even if she takes it as an option, and if she does she will be a very unhappy adult. Surely you don't wish that for her? My own daughter who is 13 also is pursuing a career as a photographer and I'm very happy with that because it is what she wants to do and the options for self employment within the photography sector is really quite huge, with good earnings and flexibility. I think at 13 she ought to be self determining in her choices with you only there for advice purposes, she final decision has to rest with her and if her chosen path is different than the one you would have picked for her then it just means that you have done a good in rasing her to be an individual who is capable of determining their wants, needs and future.
I would and have advised all of my children ( whose careers are very diverse and for the most part very successful) to pursue only what interests them, as passion for your chosen profession goes a long way in determining success and happiness.

[cazzz1975]

options are an important time, she needs to establish her career goals before she chooses the right lessons, there is nothing worse than picking a subject that she hates and she will struggle to pass a gcse in.

my daughter wants to be a teacher, she has a good chance of a job hopefully but she does have to do subjects she doesnt like (french) but because she knows what she wants to do she is putting all her effort into it.

I suggest she looks at her long term career options to see what she is interested in, it could be that she does a diploma course for health and beauty:

http://www.direct.gov...nsExplained/DG_070676

there is plenty of info out there to help her make a choice, she should also discuss it with the careers advisor in school, health and beauty is a good career.

http://www.direct.gov...gyourfuture/DG_066169

[Mosaic]

It is very difficult to advise young people now because the nature of the jobs market has changed hugely even in the last ten years, and at the same time the number of jobs available has shrunk. I can fully understand an intelligent kid hating ICT, as its secondary school teaching is crushingly boring. The same is true of most subjects though. Then there's the added complication of local colleges hard-selling courses for their own financial reasons rather than what's good for the individual.
You're right to think that being good and qualified at IT is likely to provide skills in lasting demand - but ask anyone in the sector and you'll see it is a constant treadmill of additional courses as technologies change very quickly. This isn't a bad thing, but is a factor to consider as many employers won't fund the courses you need for development.
Another point to consider is that she is likely to do well at something she enjoys.
And we will never ever be able to predict with accuracy what jobs will be available when your daughter grows up.
I'd suggest that gaining skills - practical, artistic, written and IT-related - are all equally important but above all being able to think laterally and be financially literate will serve kids well in the future rather than deciding 'I will be a (insert word) when I am 20'.
This outlook has worked brilliantly for example for Lauren Luke - who taught herself make-up techniques. Do a Youtube search if you want to see how she went about things.

[hammerman]

Thanks for your answer Nox but im not the ogre father you portray me to be...lol. She can do what she likes as far as im concerned but if she makes the wrong descision at 13 years old, she will likely have to live with that descision for a long time as re-training as an adult can be more and more difficult. I want her to make a descision on her future based on a career and not a whim because her best mate's doing photography for example.

She loves taking photos but knows nothing...and i mean nothing about photography hence my aprehension

Thanks again

[sara3]

I have to say, GCSE's should be a mix of "what's good for you" and "what you like".
two years of studying a) the key subjects she'll have no choice in (English, maths and the sciences) and b) subjects you think will be good for her, will make for an unhappy, stressed child.
personally, I do not think at 13 the pressure on a career should be so great.

also, I know someone who left a stressful, high-level (exceptionally well paid) career to be a nail technician. she couldn't be happier, and she rakes in the money.

I'd rather my kids (now 14 and almost 18) were happy and managing financially, than hating going into work every day for a potentially better wage. happiness is more important than a fat salary.

[cazzz1975]

she would be best to do something that she has a genuine interest in, something she is interested in without being told to be and something that isnt just the latest fad

i know they all go through that phase ;)

[cazzz1975]

I agree with that sara, my daughter has always wanted to be a teacher, well except when she was 6 and she wanted to be a pop star ;)

if she changed her mind and wanted to be a hairdresser I would be just as happy for her, I want her to enjoy going to work.

[mccfluff]

see if you can get her work exp at the local paper with the photographers. she may have to wait a while, (we have a wait list) but she may or may not change her mind when she spends a week actually doing the 'job'

[NOX]

I wasn't portraying you as an ogre- I don't know you- but you asked a question and I gave an answer which is my genuine opinion on the matter
If she knows nothing but is interested then she is welcome to add my daughter on facebook as she's been doing photography for a couple of years now and has a sold a few pictures already, but if she hasn't already shown an interest in getting her own gear etc then I too would question how genuinely interested she is. You gave the impression that she was interested in it as a career.

[hammerman]

Thank you for the links Cazzzzzzz....very useful and she's already said that she'd want to go down the dipoma route....doing two days at college per week.

Thanks everyone for your help

[sara3]

my daughter also chose photography as a GCSE, and then as an A Level. she has really enjoyed it and is predicted an A or B, either of which will secure her place at a good university next September. she isn't continuing with photography at uni, but the good grade will help get her into a better university.

if I'd pushed her to do IT, she most likely would not be getting good enough grades to get to university. and then she would probably blame me for the rest of her days, as I blame my mother for ruining my education prospects... and my mother also blames herself (and rightly so!).

[EDDIE51]

You will only antagonize her if you insist on her making a career choice now.
What she needs is CGSE in the subjects that are needed for any decent job.
Maths, English and a foreign language with a science or geography if possible but Maths and English top priority.
Far too many kids choose the 'easy' options for GCSE like 'general studies' which to be honest are less than worthless. I hear there is even a GCSE option of 'Modern Studies' or some similar name that basically just asks a few questions about current affairs. Such subjects are a totally worthless waste of time. They only benefit the school which can boast of increased GCSE passes in the exam league tables.

[karenmac60]

My ex was advised by the careers counsellor at school to keep his interest in photography as a hobby and get a proper job. He now runs his own photography business and is doing very well, having won several awards. You can't foresee what the jobs market will be by the time your daughter leaves school - a lot of IT folk at my work were recently paid off. It's her life and her career, and if she ends up doing something she hates she will be miserable and could well end up resenting you. Success isn't just about the size of your bank balance.

[karenmac60]

Eddie, Modern Studies is one of the 3 social sciences along with History and Geography. It is quite an in depth subject covering political systems and international affairs from a social and economic point of view. It's studied in Scottish schools and is recognised as quite a heavy weight subject. It's a lot more than a few questions on current affairs.

[giveup]

At 7 my daughter wanted to be a vet or a stripper(her own words) 30 years later she's an accountant.

[erin-x]

You say you're apprehensive because she knows nothing about photography. Surely that's why she wants to learn about it.

I can only speak from experience and say that trying to get her to make a decision about her future career is pointless. I changed what I wanted to be countless times and it worked out fine for me. My last year at school was spent doing AH biology and higher maths (both of which I hated and failed) and a non graded art portfolio class which was to help me get into art college (I never showed for my interview). I wasted a whole year of my life which I will never get back.

So what i'm really saying is don't make her do something she hates. It gets you nowhere.

[nungate]

I can understand how you feel but at the end of it all, it is your daughter's life and the choices should be hers. You can advise give her the benefit of your experience and so on. My husband and I spent a fortune on private education for our daughter and she now works in a shop sellling shoes, I don't care a jot about what she does as long as she is happy doing it. There will be ample opportunities in the future for your daughter and as long as she chooses a good selection of subjects and gets a good grounding in those they should take her where she wants to be in the future. 13 is very young for a person to be choosing what will be their life's work, it's pointless trying to force her into subjects she doesn't enjoy besides there are college courses available for photography, if she knows nothing about photography now encourage her to go out and take photos and to learn a bit more about it before making a final choice

[craft1948]

There's nothing wrong with doing hair and beauty............the trick is to have a long term plan and open your own salon.

[bednobs]

personally, i don't think what GCSEs you have matter all that much in life (unless gcse's are the only qualifications you are going to get)
Most further education courses wont really mind what they are actually in, as long as you have maths and english (which are compulsory anyway). I can't remember the last time it mattered for me what my gcses were in - the college course i did just wanted you to have 5, the uni course i did just wanted you to have the college course, and the degree i did just wanted you to have the uni course.

[EvianBaby]

I've never understood how anyone can expect a 13 year to decide their future career and make choices based on that.

I've also felt that GCSE's have naff all bearing on where you do end up work wise in adult life. She should just do the subjects she enjoys and is likely to get the best grades in so it looks good on her CV. Aside from that, it really doesn't matter.