Premium rate chat lines

[bumble]

I've found out my boyfriend of nearly a year has been using premium rate chat lines and text services. He also confessed that his last mobile bill had been �1800 because of it! I'm so hurt and upset and it makes me feel sick to think about it. He asked me to move in with him after 6 months together and I thought everything was going great. He says he loves me and wants us to have a future togther, but I can't forget it.

[4getmenot]

forget any future if he's gonna spend that much money. He'll be sponging off you.

[bumble]

He would never sponge off of me, he doesn't even take money from me now i've moved in!

But would you class it as cheating, or is it just meanless?

[jno]

very wise words from triggerhippy. You don't have to decide yet - you can do so any time you want, it's your life. I'd say give him a chance to change - it does sound like addictive behaviour and he may need some sort of therapy, so change may not be instant. I'm assuming he is talking to women rather than trying to get through to a Richard & Judy quiz; no, I don't think this is cheating exactly, but it's certainly time and money he would be better spending on you! I'd say hang fire, don't move in, but don't dump him just yet either. If he loves you he will try to change.

[bumble]

I do think that it is some sort of addictive behaviour, and he says he is sorry and he will change and that I need to give him a chance to prove that to me. He also said he's going to change his phone to a Pay as you Go one, so he won't be able to overspend, once the credit's gone it's gone. I just want this seek feeling to go away, I love him so much and we get on so well, just can't believe he did this to me.

[bumble]

And he's also said he wants us to move on from this and to never mention it again, otherwise how can we move on. Would you see that as him saying that he deeply regrets doing it?

[jno]

well, that sounds like a positive move; it does seem as if he realises it's got out of control and wants to stop. But I don't see why you should agree never to mention it again; it's obviously something that worries you, and you should always be free to talk about your concerns. It's not something you should bring up every time you have an argument - in fact you should try to remove it from arguments altogether by arranging for it to come up in non-confrontational situations; maybe you could volunteer to take over the payment of phone bills or something?

[Reverandfunk]

No offence but he must be stupid to ring those lines, everyone knows that in reality they are answered by carol from Skegness who is actually doing her ironing and cooking the kids tea as she does it.

[ChuffingHell]

I've sort of been in a similar situation with my other half.

He did something before we got together that I found out about after we'd been together for about 8 months (and had lived together for 2 - he too asked me to move in with him, after 6 months).

It was one of those things that gave me that really sick feeling too and took a long time for us to move forward from. and we argued for ages. I really don't think you can just pretend it didnt happen and not talk about it. I also think if it is an addicition, he (and you) need help understanding why he did it. However, I suspect he's v embarrassed about it too.

My bf and I ended up going to Relate over it for a few months which perhaps you and your other half ought to think about. I was quite sad about the idea because we'd only been together for 18 months at the time and the idea of needing therapy after such a short period of time was quite depressing - but it was the right thing to do.

We went to sessions together and talked about how we were both feeling about these things, and I think it went a long way to getting us through it. At the end of the day, I thought the relationship was worth giving it a go

I still think about what happened occasionally and it does make me feel a little funny for a few seconds but not sick in the stomach anymore.

Feeling for you. I know its tough but take comfort in that he obviosuly feels bad about it, knows it is wrong and wants to change. He has to understand that this isn't just his issue now though - it affects you and if you want to talk about it, you have that right.

[liquidspace]

I too have just found out that my bf uses sex chat lines when he has a day off and I am at work. It makes me feel sick to think of him dirty talking some stranger and vice versa.

He said he doesnt have a problem with it, he can live with it, its me that has the issue.

He hasnt said he will stop either. I feel for you. Has your bf said he will stop. Just because he doesnt want it mentioned anymore doesnt mean he will stop. He probably wants you to get off his case so he can carry on in peace. Beware. Sorry to sound negative by the way.

[bumble]

He has said he will stop, and his sworn he will but I just can't see how he can go from spending all that money to not using them at all. And I will still bring it up if I need to talk about it, cos it's still getting me down even though he's promised it'll never happen again.

Are you still with your boyfriend then?