Marriage?

[rach912]

Hiya,

I am 20 years od and have been with my boyfriend for since I left school, so four years now. We have been talking about getting engaged recently but i'm worried that people will think i'm too young. I know it's silly to worry about other people's opinions but I am quite insecure in that sense. The thing is I love him so much and I don't want to be with anyone else. We probably wouldn't be able to get married for about 3 years because we want to save up for a house etc so it wouldn't be financially viable anyway. Basically I just want to make that commitment because it would make us both happy and feels right. I want people to be happy though and not to criticise that I am to young, I don't want the happiest time to be ruined if you know what I mean. I feel torn by people's comments-on one hand I work with older women who got married at 18 and are still happy today and others that say oh you've got the rest of your life ahead of you don't rush into things....but I'm not it's been four years already. Should I stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and follow my heart??

[smudge]

Hi rach912 - If you & your boyfriend have been together for four years, you must know by now, whether you want to spend the rest of your lives together. If it feels right, then you should follow your hearts & instincts. 

When we married, I was only 17 & my husband was nearly 19. There were mixed emotions within my family & some said it wouldn't last. In time people could see how happy & determined we were at maintaining our marriage & on bringing up our two lovely daughters. So you see, we followed our hearts & have now been married 40 years!

Good luck in whatever you both decide to do. 

[Morrisonker]

Personally, I don't think marriage is the be all and end all of a relationship.  You know how strong your relationship is, you don't need a piece of paper like a marriage certificate to confirm that. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 and a half years (I'm 19, he's 21) and we've talked about marriage too, to the extent we're pretty sure it'll happen someday, but right now we're not ready, nor do we need to be married.

I would say enjoy what you have together, no matter what.  If marriage feels right then do it, don't worry about what others will say.  Like I say, I've thought about marriage, I work with a 22 year old who is married and 2 of my friends have recently become engaged and no-one has been anything less than supportive to any of us.  Be confident in your feelings for each other, if anyone makes comments on rushing into things, know that they're only saying so because they care and don't want to see you hurt. 

Ultimately though, do what feel right.  If you have to question your feelings then maybe the time isn't right.  There's no rush, you obviously care about each other and I'm sure he'll be happy to wait for you.

I guess that was a bit of a mix, my feelings on it aren't completely clear, but I wish you luck, i hope you make the right decision.

[luckystrike]

I think that you should get engaged, as you obviously are very happy together, and you sound like you have given things plenty of thought.

Being engaged, and then married, is great.  I got engaged when I was 22, and married when I was 25.  It was fun to plan a lovely wedding over three years without having to rush, and like you, we had plenty of time to buy a house and sort it out.  It would be such a shame if other people are sad enough to rain on your parade, but I think that this is very unlikely to happen - it's not like you're 16 and pregnant.

Stop worrying rach912, and good luck!

[lethologica]

I'm 19 and like you, have been with my boyfriend (19)  since school (3 years this month).  His brother (who's 30 odd) has recently got engaged to his girlfriend of about 5 years, so of course as soon as people hear about them they turn to us...

However my boyfriends dad when speaking to my boyfriends brothers fiances dad (this is going to get long...) was quite rejective of the whole idea despite the fact that we live with our parents (but spend about half and half with each set)...  That annoyed me a bit, but as it's not really an issue yet, isn't a huge deal...

You're always going to get the odd one (or few) that don't agree, but in the end it's your life and it's you that'll have to live with your successes and or mistakes...  If they're worth listening to, they won't be saying I told you so if it was to go wrong so don't worry : )

[funkychicken]

I think you should follow your heart and get engaged. I don't think you're too young, I got engaged when I was 16, people think I'm too young but I don't care because I've been out with enough ******** to know I want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend, hes perfect and I couldn't imagine spending my life with anybody else. If people judge you because of your age then thats up to them, but its your life and you should do what makes you happy =)

[rach912]

Thank you to everyone for their help and comments with the exception of damajowi. I have to reiterare smudge's comments of not being so petty; I just hope when you are stuck and need advice people don't give back what you give to them. My grammar and spelling are fine but when I am trying to explain a personal situation to strangers it is not the first and foremost thing on my mind, perhaps you have the wrong site and need to rethink your audience because people don't appreciate comments like that when they are feeling insecure enough already.
But again thank you to everybody else, it is nice to know that people have been through similar things and I really appreciate it. :)

[smudge]

It's okay rach912 - the very nice Ed has removed damajowi's unnecessary post to you.

[mats01_99]

My own personal opinion is that you should live together first, then get engaged, then get married. I'm not sure if you live together but I don't think you really know somebody until you have lived with them.

[secretspirit]

I moved in with my boyfriend when I was 18 and we'd been together for 3 months, then I married at 20 when we'd been together 2 and a half years. We've now been married for 4 years and I'm really happy and wouldn't change a thing. If you've been together 4 years you know eachother well enough by now - if he is what makes you happy then why wait?! Only one person has ever said to me that I was too young and they have been well and truly proved wrong.

I think there's an argument that says if you're living together and married when you're young then you haven't got time to develop all those set habits that you can get when you live alone for a long time that make it almost impossible for someone else to fit into your life. Good luck!