Sqad's Application Form

[mrs_overall]

Ladies, please print this questionnaire, complete it IN TRIPLICATE and submit by email to [email protected] with full length photo

1. Vital statistics
2. Bra size
3. Preferred choice of painkiller
4. Height, weight and BMI
5. Hair colour and length (head)
6. Hair colour and length (not head)
7. Full medical history
8. Available dates (must be able to travel abroad)
9. Pertness of bottom rating
10.Full description of underwear (material & style essential)
11. Details of any specialised "talent"
12. Must be willing to sign a confidentiality disclaimer

Please be aware there is a long waiting list

[EcclesCake]

There should also be a question about preferred tipple to weed out those common women who drink pints!

[albaqwerty]

pmsl Mrs O, wonderful!!

Do the vital statistics have to be in the correct order?

[mrs_overall]

If you get through stage 1 of the application, you then have to complete another questionnaire which will ask questions to rule out "common" women who drink pints, wear leggings etc

[sara3]

I'll consider this if I get to 70, and I'm still single.

[lady-janine]

i understand that as a super model you do not have to complete such a form MrsO. You are so lucky.

what sort of a rake off will you be taking on this enterprize? a good one i hope, as a form of pimping this act could be fraught with danger. as you are also a national treasure we need you to take the best possible care of yourself. x

[mrs_overall]

Pimp?????? How very dare you!

[EcclesCake]

Oh, I didn't realise I was THAT common......

Such a waste of my extensive Rigby & Peller collection!

[albaqwerty]

I'm getting that male catheter user ad again!

Number 11, I can suck and blow at the same time.

[sunny-dave]

Presumably all applications not including the key words "Rigby", "Peller" "Landing Strip" and "Pert as two footballs in a sack" will be shredded by his PA ...

[friedgreentomato]

Sara - 70? I think the average age here is 75!!

[aelmpvw]

if leggings wearers and pint drinkers were in stage one it would speed up the process

[mrs_overall]

Wow FGT, I thought you were younger than that

[friedgreentomato]

Oh Mrs O we can always rely on you for the funnies!!

[Noth43]

...but Sara3, when you're 70, Squd wil be......er.....dead.

[Noth43]

based on the assumption no one lives to 150

[gness]

I can play Amazing Grace on my bus pass......does that score me extra points?

[albaqwerty]

sqad has his ways....

[Noth43]

I'll bu99er of now...

[albaqwerty]

gness, the theme from Dambusters would.

[mrs_overall]

I have embalming skills - I could make him look good when he is 150....