My daughter 6 wants to live with me after split mum says no chance

[Charlie_fred]

My partner and I are on the verge of seperating after 8 years living together, things were going fairly amicably with the split, I was to keep the house as it was purchased by me before we met and is in my name only, I have agreed to let my partner take anything she needs from the house when she moves out. We have a 6 year old daughter and we both love her very much and tried to keep her as sheltered as we could from the arguments/fallouts as possible. However when our little girl(Robyn) said she wanted to stay and live with her daddy my partner was enraged and said NO WAY Robyn is too young to have an opinion in this matter and no matter what she wants she stays with her mum, it's the law.  I have tried to convince my partner this is a big mistake and will only make robyn resent her for doing this. I have allways shared the day to day responsibilitys like taking Robyn to school/picking her up ect,I own a shop that has a manager and staff that provides me with a good income without the need to work myself, so being a full time dad would be no problem at all. However my partner says if thats the case then I will have to go to court to get an eviction notice to kick her out of the house as well as a child custody order for Robyn.  Can anyone give me some idea of a fathers legal rights regarding this situation, and at what age can children have a deciding opinion with regards to who they want to live with?.  any help at all is much appreciated.

[Hendrix55]

Definitely one for Citizens' Advice Bureau.  Is your name on her birth certificate? 

[Charlie_fred]

In reply to Hendrix55, yes my name is on the birth certificate.

[hectic]

Unfortunatley, unless your ex partner is willing to allow Robyn to reside with you, it will have to go court and you can apply for a residency order at first and then proceed to a custody hearing.  I was in the same situation myself, I was 7 years old and my mum and sister were moving elsewhere and I wanted to stay with my dad, fortunatley I have a great mum who let me stay with him as it was my choice, I eventually ended up moving back with my mother when I was 11, I have no bitterness toward either of my parents as they left all decisions up to me, you may want to tell your ex partner this, I hope you do sort everything out, good luck

[hectic]

Just another thought, could you's not come to agreement and have shared residency?

[boobesque]

when i was 5 my parents divorced and my father was given custody of me, i didnt want to live with him and it was stated in court, yet when i was 6my mum appealed and my opinion was allowed to be heard and i said i wanted to live with my mum and the custodial order was overturned and my mum got custody of me.

[Mistopheles]

The law does not state that a child automatically lives with it's mother - you have as much right to custody as the mother has. Unfortunately, if you can't settle this between you, it will be a case of fighting through the courts. The court will listen to what the child wants, but will also look at all other factors - money, work, housing, etc. and will usually order an independent report to be made by an outside body (like social workers).

Hendrix is definitely right - see CAB as soon as possible. They are a good starting point and will tell you what you need to do.

For your daughter's sake, if there is any way to resolve this without fighting, then please do so. If you do have to go to court, it might be worth trying to talk Robyn's mother into agreeing that whatever happens, and whoever gets custody, the other parent will allow free access to the child, holidays, outings etc. as much as humanly possible, and that you will try and stay on polite terms.

Good luck.

[ceebee007]

There' s some useful info at the CAB website as follows:

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/family_parent/family.htm

(There's a separate section if you live in Scotland, Ireland or Wales.)

It would appear that a lot depends on whether you and your partner are married or not.

[shehin]

What a sad story.

There must be a way to resolve this situation together without tearing each other apart.  If you both truly want what is in the best interests of your child you must find a compromise. 

Could you find a third party to help you thrash out all the possibilitiea? 

[JB]

One of my friends was in a similar situation when she split up with her partner - they ended up agreeing to take Joint Parental Responsibility (via solicitors) and it has worked out very well. It was a bit tense to start with (rigidly sticking to 'their' days) but as time went on, it became more amicable with their little girl getting the best of both worlds.

Hope this helps.

[Charlie_fred]

Thanks a lot all you guys who have posted an answer to my question, I will try to get Robyns mum to agree to shared custody if not its off to the C.A.B on tuesday ill keep you informed of any changes, and once again thanks very much.

Charles.

[Mrs_Pegasus]

What a madam she is!

Others have posted sound advice but judging by your circumstances I would assume you have a solicitor (i.e. for business) and I would go direct to them.  I am not saying the CAB arent good but I guess you have a solid legal contact already.

I know of a similar situation and the child went to live with their mum although she didnt want to and within 6 months she was with dad because she didnt settle and in the end the mother had to face up to the fact she wanted her father.  Since then the relationship between mother and daughter has strengthened and everyone is happy.

I wish you the very best.  Its a terrible time for all but your daughter is the most important.

Positive thoughts.

[ann_h]

I disagree.

 

Your wife is upset because she feels rejected by your daughter. She is already having to leave her home (your house) and the thought of an unfamiliar new house, without her daughter in it  either, is probably terrifying.

Taking legal advice and threatening eachother is very unwise right now.

Better to let Robyn stay with her, and try to explain to your daughter. Presumably you'll still be living nearby, and as long as you can keep things amicable I am sure you will get loads of time with Robyn, probably more as time goes on.