Wedding nightmare.....what would you do?

[spaced]

I have (had) 2 best friends, known them both for 16 years. 4 yrs ago I go work with one of my best mates as a labourer temporarily. He treated me like poo, but I let it go. I had to leave due to probs with my hand, and had to wait 2 mnths for my last wages as he said he "didnt have the money", even though he was paying everyone else.

3 yrs down the line we were still good mates, even though their was bit of tension when we met. One night I wne to his house, and my car got broken into. apparently it was happening to alot of people along that road. I asked him to be my best man abouta yr ago. The other day I was gonna go to his house for dinner. I asked him where the best plae would be to park baring in mind that I was driving a company car and was worried after what happened last time. He text me back saying that I should think before I speak, and that car robberies happen everywhere. He was basically saying that my question about parking was rude and I should not blame him. I replied back saying that I couldnt believe that after 16yrs of knowing each other he would let something like this come between us. This was a month ago and I have not heard from him. In all honesty, I much prefer not to speak to him and not have him as my best man. The problem I have is that I was going to invite him and his family to my wedding. What do I do???? Do I invite his family and not him? Invite none of them? Baring in mind that none of his family have contacted me since our argument. Silly that a meaningless text message would destroy a 16 yr friendship, especially a harmful text like mine. If I dont invite any of them, Ihave to be prepared for none of them talking to me again. Plus my other best man is his best mate too. He is in the middle of everything.....HELP!!!!

[MiniN]

Hi spaced,

what a terrible situation! text messages can spark so many arguements!

i think i personally would just send an invite to him and his family and then if they dont come its their loss and you've been the bigger person in the matter! if they come it will show they are willing to meet you halfway and if they don't then your better off without someone who can't put trivial issues asside for such an important event!

hope this is some sort of help.

have you asked your other best man for advice. he may be able to give unbiased dvice if he knows you both?

good luck and i hope you have a good wedding day with or without them.

x

[the>one]

he sounds like money has changed him and he's not bothered about his old mates......if never seeing him again wouldn't be a great loss to you, i wouldn't lose sleep over him.....explain your situation to the other chap......he'll probably agree......good luck

oh and if he don't.....i'm free that day ;-)

[nfn]

invite him as a regular guest. if he contacts you saying he thought he was best man then just explain that you thought he'd changed his mind but you'd be happy to have him with you. there is no rule that says you can't have two best men! My mate had a best woman - me!

[funnywebsite]

If you are having two receptions i.e one main one for close friends and family and another in the evening for colleagues at work and not so close friends and family then just invite him and his family to the evening event. I would not bother inviting him to my wedding at all really.

[Englishbird]

We had a situation this year which was similar. A friend of mine had consistently over 3 years behaved dreadfully to all of us. Due to many issues, including alcoholism, we fell out with her one by one. One of my friends had to uninvite her to her wedding, she was her longest standing friend (18 years). It was not a nice thing to have to do but the said friend had left the bride no option due to her behaviour.

It was a fabulous wedding and I have to say all the more relaxed because the woman wasn't there so nop worrying about what she would do.

It's your wedding day, it should be enjoyable and memorable. My only advise is don't invite someone because you think you should. If you want to invite him and his family, then do so and if they turn you down then they can't say you didn't try.

It is sad when long term relationships of any discription break down, but it happens and you can't compromise your current life because of (possibly) misguided loyalty.

A friend is someone who brings something positive to your life and vice versa, nobody is perfect, but if they bring you more heartache and stress than anything good then maybe it's time to let it go.

My life is calmer and considerably less stressful without this woman in it, and that was after 10 years of friendship. You have to make that judgement.

Good luck, and i hope you have a fabulous wedding x

[spaced]

Thanx for your advice guys! Its good to have other peoples views. I will need to chat to my other best man, I was gonna have two before this all happened. Not sure if he is going to be comfortable being at my wedding and being my best man without our other friend. But ur right, its our day and we invite who we want. When I think about it, I feel like he started this argument on purpose, like a way to get out of being one of my best men. Like I said he has not been the same in the last 3 or 4 years. Thinks only of money and what people think of him and no-one else. If hes gonna let a silly comment about parking ruin our friendship then that's his loss. Im not gonna loose sleep over it. Just feel sorry for my other friend who is in the middle of everything. He hasnt mentioned anything, its like he is trying to block out the thought of his two best mates not talking. When I told him he jsut huffed, puffed and sighed. That was nearly 2 months ago, he has not mentioned anything since. He needs to tell me if he still wants to be my best man. If not, I will have my father be my best man.

[Octavius]

Personally I think you both appear to be a little immature.

It sounds like he has over-reacted to your text message, but also sounds like you still have a gripe over him taking a little while to pay you, and in turn reacted to his text message so there is underlying tension on both sides. You don't say whether you actually turned up for this dinner, if you didn't then I could understand why he would be offended. There is no need for either of you to get offended at a silly text message, so you both need to grow up and make peace or move on and forget the friendship.

I would invite him and his family as guests, but I think you would still owe some explanation as to why you have 'sacked' him from best man duties. Either way, ignoring each other doesn't move anyone in any direction.

[Englishbird]

ps I once picked up another friend, who lives in a bit of a rough neighbourhood. She was poncing around taking ages, so i shouted up the stairs "for god's sake hurry up before my car ends up on bricks" - she still talks to me ;o)

[Octavius]

I have often joked with a married couple who have been friends for ages, that they live in the ghetto. They think me and my partner live on the set of Footballers Wives. We are still friends!

[spaced]

octavius, first of all he paid me the money, late, but he still paid me it. Since then he has acted distant from me. You know when hello and how are you are fake, that what it was like from then onwards. When he invited me to dineer I accepted, it was him that turned round and said dinner was off and my text about parking was rude. So I have been totally cool with him, its him that has turned into someone I dont know anymore. The reason i had doubts about him being my best man was for the simple reason that we were growing aprt and he was acting funny. I never sacked him, as far as he know he still is my best man, but if he has an ounce of brains he would realise that he has jeopordised that since his text message to me.

If anyone needs to grow up, its him. All I ever did was ask him to be my best man, accept a dinner invite, ask about parking and then get a moody message back and get ignored by most of my mates.

[Octavius]

So why raise the issue over the payment thingy that happened 4 years ago?

[spaced]

because i think this is the point where he changed from being my bestest friend in the world, to someone I dont recognise anymore. he treated me like cack when I worked with him. He thought that because we were such good mates he could boss me about like some idiot and I would not blink an eye. Funnily enough, becasue he was my best mate I kept my mouth shut and said nothing. When I left, he was paying everyone else their wages, except me. Again, he thought he could take liberties as "oh he'll understand, hes my best mate, he wont mind waiting for his wages". As it was xmas and I needed the money at the time, I reminded him twice that I needed my wages - like "sorry to be a pest and remind you, but I need at least some of my wages to keep me afloat" he didnt even offer a bit at a time. when it came to him "miraculously" finding my wages, and I remember this like it were yesterday, he came to my house counted money on a table, literally throwing and slamming this money down and then left. I let it go. We still hooked up, went out, played golf, but something was not right. Then he pulls a stunt like this.

[Octavius]

If 4 years ago he changed to being someone you didn't recognise any more, why ask him to be your best man a year ago?

Anyhoo, why don't you invite him down the pub for a beer and a chat and tell him (not me!) this, maybe over a beer and a chat you might smoothe over these problems for the sake of an old friendship. If so, then you can tell him that you would still like for him to be your best man etcetera etcetera. If you are both still holding grudges for whatever reason then I do not see an end to this, so you might as well tell him that someone else is being best man but you would still like him to be there. That way, he knows where he stands and if he doesn't turn up at the wedding, you know where you stand.

[spaced]

Your right octavius, and thats why i like to here peoples thoughts from the other side of the fence, but even though he was acting like an idiot, I still have a heart and considered him a good friend, good enough to be my second best man. I think its pointless asking him for a beer. He holds grudges and getting everything in the open would just makes things even more unfortable. I am just going to ride with it and continue my wedding without him. If he were a true friend he would not have started an argument over parking, would not have treated me like cack at work. Im better off on without that cack in my lfe.

Sorted! Anyway, man its getting dark! 1hr 20 mins till i leave work! Woohoo!