legal advice please!

[boobesque]

i have been seperated for nearly 2 years and my husband wrote to my mums address asking if I would agree to a divorce if he was to file for one. I wrote back and agreed.

We have no property and no kids to argue over. Today another letter was sent to my mums (from his solicitor) and he is now saying he cannot afford a divorce, can i get legal aid, would i be willing to wait until we have been seperated the full two years. This didnt worry me so much BUT there was also a three page request wanting details about my son, who isnt my husbands child and i do not want in any way involved as he had hurt my son on one occasion (my son has cerebral palsy and is quadraplegic) Why would he want this information? I am really worried as to why the solicitor would want information about my child.

Please can someone help me? i know this is an unusual situation, but i hope someone may have had similar experience or at least a bit of legal knowledge!
thanks x

[dotjhawkes]

Go to the county court with the letters and they will explain the reasons behind the forms without giving you legal advice, they are very good at this and they explain what you need to do from their point of view. i was surprised how much i managed to get done without legal advice just because i listened to the ladies in the county court office, you have a good brain boobs, it will come in really handy now.

[boobesque]

excellent! i didnt know i could do that. i will do anything to keep him away from my son, i have managed it with his father so i will keep my husband away!

thanks hun x

[lady_p_gold]

Divorce is very stressful even if there is no property etc. I think the reason they are asking is to make sure that you will not be making a claim. or to evaluate a claim that you could make against your husband for the care of your son. If your husband was supporting him at any time then you could reasonably argue that you wish that to continue and in view of his disability there could be expenses involved etc. So I think that is probably what is going on. Even if you were not even considering such a thing, which it sounds as if you aren't - your husband's solicitor would be failing in his or her duty if he did not look at every aspect which could come up. Hope this is the case, but of course I cannot be sure.

[boobesque]

thanks, well that would be great if that is the case as i supported my son and most the time supported my husbands workshy bum! i know i am probably worrying about nothing but i love my son too much for him to have anything to do with my husband and his family!

[boobesque]

my sons real father thinks he shouldnt be alive because he is disabled, he threatened to kill us both on numerous occasions, my husband was never a father figure to my son and we are now settled with a man my son does see as a dad is a dad to him in every way.

i think letting my son see his real father is the best thing for him, i am not letting him see a man who thinks he is a nothing in this world down to the fact he is disabled.

and the comment about my husband hurting him is true, not there to gain sympathy and i find your words very hurtful, and very presumptious of you.

[boobesque]

just to reitterate, my husband hurt my son physically not emotionally, as did his real father. my last post meant to say that my son seeing his real father is NOT the best thing for him

[dotjhawkes]

You use your head boob and do what you feel is best for the little boy only you understand. It is a worry when people start talking about solicitors and courts, but remember you can have a free 15 minute consultation with any soilicitor. use it wisely.

[stanleyman]

I'm sorry if I offended you it was not intentional but you only gave a small amount of information about this which was not relevant to your question and was open to presumption. You said you had no kids to argue over!

If they both feel the way you say then I fail to see why they would want to see him and you have no problem. Surely they would only want to see him if they cared, you can't presume they don't. I'm not condoning any bad behaviour but it is very stressful bringing up a disabled child and things happen when stressed that are later regretted. And what have his grandparents done?

[boobesque]

My husband never wanted to be a dad to my son, his family have shown no interest in him,so i cannot understand the letter, but i am going to citizens advice on friday as it may just be a formality, even though he isnt the father.

With regard to my sons grandparents, they felt the same as his father, his father did see him when he had calmed down, but in a safe place, his parents were never interested even when we were still together, and the last time he saw my son was 6 years ago, i did allow acsess but after the threats the police got involved and that was that. We are contactable at my mums house who has never changed her details, but i would fight if he wanted to see him, as i do not feel my child would be safe with him.

[mimififi]

Hi Boobesque, I would be very surprised if the letter was a preamble to the guy wanting contact with your son. It doesn't imply that. You could phone the solicitor direct and ask them why they have asked you this, you could just send it back unfilled in with a post-it saying "not relevent to the case; son not his" or something like that. I'm glad you are going to the CAB, but even if it does get nasty and you have to fight, I don't believe any magistrate/judge would grant access to a man who hasn't seen a child for 6 years and who isn't actually his biological. i think im right in saying that even to apply for access he would have to get leave of the court to do so, and I think it would be thrown out at the first hurdle.

I know its hard, but try not to worry about this. You don't know for sure yet why the solicitors want info about your son. It is probably nothing to do with access (hopefully). You are a sparky lady and you will be able to sort this out. remember the kipling quote "There's no creature so wily and dangerous as a mother protecting her young." He doesn't stand a chance.

[thikasabrik]

I don't have a clue what the solution to this one is and I don't know the legal ins and outs..... but I just want to say I wish you luck and I know you will come through this OK. x