age gaps

[nannon]

how would the parents on here feel if their 23yr old daughter met a man 17years older than her with two kids from previous relationship? if he makes her happy, treats her so well, is very well educated, is doing a degree, (not particulary financially syable at the moment) but makes her feel good and happy? My parents have hit the roof when i told them about my new bloke. I know they are only worried and concerned but that have purely judged him on his age and children - they know NOTHING else about him, they wont let me tell them about him either so i'm a bit stuck. I am so close to my family and totally realise why they are concerned but their concerns are unfounded. We didnt know each others ages at first and we have just clicked. I wish he was 7 years younger (as i'm sure he does!!) but he's not, and i can see this going a lot further.

[lia*]

i don't see anything wrong with that, but i would say listen to your parents. in my experience, 99.9 % of the times my parents are always right. put yourself in you parents place, would you agree to that for your child? i am in my fourties and i still ask my parents for their opinions and always welcome their advise. do you have any siblings? what are their thoughts? you can always replace him, but you cannot get another set of birth parents. again i would say listen to your parents.

[lafrancaise]

Of course, your parents are worried because your boyfriend is no doubt nearer their age than yours so a bit of an equal. Youth is parties and having a good time, they might think you'll miss out on this with this person. I'm sure once the initial shock has worn off they'll be prepared to meet him, but I'd wait until they're ready if I were you. Good luck

[silly moo]

I think I would be a little wary.
17 years age difference seems a lot at your age, but in 15 years it won't seem so much. Then in another 15 it will seem a lot again.
Hope it works out for you.

[len_1]

Hmmm.. i think this is a personal preference thing to be honest. I don't see anything wrong with age gaps but 17 years is kinda tooo big. When you're 43 (not that old) he'll be 60. It won't seem like there will be a problem now (and there might not be) but have a look around at the average 60 year old.

Plus, if he has already got 2 kids.. in a few years when you want some will he be willing/able?

I personally wouldn't set myself or let my kids settle into a relationship with such a big age gap.

Like i said that's personally.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[Drusilla1S]

It is not unusual for people to find love in relationships with big age gaps. Why should we only fall in love with someone two or three years older/younger than ourselves?

Take a look at these celebs and see how many of these relationships have lasted for a number of years. Even the recent break up was from a long, established partnership.

http://www.handbag.com/galleries/gallery/gossip/celebrity_love_life/rels_agegaprelationships/MemberID=1/

Have confidence in your own feelings, attempt to maintain good relations with your family, but do not be swayed by them. Best wishes to you.

[nannon]

thank you - i have thought bout myself wanting kids and i do and we have spoken about it cuz we're both very all or nothing people, so we've discussed everything. He would like more children with me, in a few years when i've done my teacher training etc. I respect my parent but feel like they have always told me what to do - even when ive really not wanted to do it. My sister also does not agree, but none of them have met him!! I'll never stop speaking to my family but i dont think i'm willing to give up my happiness, at the moment, for them again. Just have to see how it goes i guess!!!

[tigilou]

Hi nannon there is a 15 year age gap between me and my partner we have a daughter who is 2. I am also 23. I know exactly how you feel even though my parents took it very well (i went away on holiday with him as a friend and came back pregnant and things were very tuff as you can imagine) but i look at it like this he takes good care of us loves us whose to say i could meet someone my age and be treated badly. I think follow your heart and if its not meant to be time will tell and look at it as an experience if it does good on ya, age is nothing really just a number good luck and if you need anymore help let me know.

[noxlumos]

I'd personally have no problem with it myself. I think you need to make it clear to your parents how much you love and respect them but that in no way is your relationship with your partner negociable. Tell them when they are ready to meet the wonderful man you've met then you'll truly rejoice the day, in the meantime, keep up your usual relationship with them and wait for them to come round.Good luck.

[3Angels]

I can understand your parents concerns.
I am 27, when I was 18 I met a bloke who was 38. Within 2 weeks I had moved in with him and 3mths later I was expecting our first baby.
My dad hit the roof and we fell out for a while over it. In the end though he said he wouldn't interfer in case the relationship was meant to be.

At first we had no problems but as the years went on the age gap got more noticable, mainly because he moaned such alot which made me feel old. He also didn't like me going out and doing stuff with my friends and he was very insecure.

I think relationships with age gaps can work and often do, but you have to prepared for problems.

We have called it a day now after 10 years and 3 kids and I wouldn't ever have a relationship with such a large age gap again and would discourage my kids fomr doing so too.

Good luck with whatever you decide though.

[andy-hughes]

I understand your parents' concern, but not their reaction. You are a grown woman, you make your own relationships and your own choices.

From experience, I have known parents 'loose' their children over taking against their child's partner, for waht ever reason. I would never ever 'hit the roof' over the partner choice of any of my girls, I'd offer an oppinion if asked, but otherwise, I'd mind my own business.

Concern is one thing, causing unhapiness to your child because of your own fears, is another.

[gessoo]

You have found something very special - don't let it go! As for what will happen in the future, well yes, things can change. However, this is true of every single relationship. All partnerships carry some risk. As a parent, I would be glad if my child found happiness and contentment.

[gedk]

I was 21 when I met my now husband and he was 34, in the process of getting divorced and he had 2 young children. My parents weren't too chuffed and things were a bit awkward for a while. Eventually though they realised that he made me happy and that we loved each other which at the end of the day is what mattered. My husband and my parents now have a really good relationship. We have been together 14 years now and have a 19 mth old son and are more in love than ever!

I'm sure your parents will come around eventually and if they don't then it will be their loss. I wish you lots of luck for the future!

[kassiopeia]

You have to tell your parents you understand their concerns but need to see where this is going. They probably have images of you sitting at home looking after his children while he goes out, gets drunk and then comes home and beats you! It's amazing how us parents play stuff like that out in our heads and before you know it we kind of feel like it has actually happened and are baying for their blood (please don't tell me that it's just me that does it!)

Parents are quite often right as lia* says but if they haven't met him then it doesn't sound like parents intuition, just concern that you're going to throw, what they picture to be, your life away for this man. My daughters father is 11 years my senior and although it didn't last (because I wasn't strong enough to ignore all those against us) I don't have any regrets and even my present partner thinks he is great and always sides with him in rare arguments! Most older men have passed the petty jealous stage and have come to understand women more than men the same age as yourself.

Go for it if it feels right and although their stubborness towards your fella is frustrating go easy on your parents, they had their idea of an ideal life all mapped out for you and you've shattered their illusions. Hope everything works out for you, take care and be happy!

[lady_p_gold]

Sorry but in my experience age gaps of more than ten years either way usually fail ...... but there is nothing to stop you learning and growing during your relationship with him, just don't get pregnant.

[lady_p_gold]

I just re-read that and it sounded a bit harsh ... as I said they usually fail, but as some have said in the replies, they do sometimes work, but whatever you do give yourself a lot of time to see how it goes before you have children ... and also realise that there is a whole relationship with his children which you will become involved in as they visit and stay and generally become part of your life, which you may not always want ....