I dont think my 2yr old likes me

[TopCat1]

Ive a beautiful little girl, not yet 2 + 1/2 yrs. Shes the light of my life and my hubby+I enjoy her so much.

The thing is, shes total Daddies girl. That itself doesnt bother me, but the difference she makes between us does. Daddy gets all the cuddles, she would spontanously kiss+cuddle him. I rarely get a kiss unless i ask. If they are sitting on Sofa together and I join them she would tell me to go away, when its my turn to put her to bed, bath her, get up in the mornings, she screams/cries for Daddy and when its Daddys turn , if I was to walk into the room she gets annoyed+ tells me to go away. But its the way she naturally gets on with us, she is so affectionate to him, but yet I seem to annoy her.

My hubbys extremely soft with her, hardly ever disciplines her, lets her away with EVERYTHING, sometimes I think its just laziness, other times I think its because he is so easy going. I'm the disciplinary, but I like to think I balance it off with fun things I do with her. But my time is also spent cooking meals, washing clothes etc, the time my hubby has with her is all hers. Is this the problem? But she also treats her Nanny (my mum, who looks after her mornings while I work) the way she treats her daddy, she adores her +again there is a remarkable difference in the way she treats us, infact, when I come home from work, + she sees me, she cries+ tells me to go away + its not because she thinks I'm taking her home, as we have to stay there for a few hours until our lift comes, so its not just her daddy, that she excludes me for. Do you think I'm being silly?

Please note, I don't react to any of this, and I dont 'go away' when she tells me, I try to ignore her behaviour and join in anyway.

It breaks my heart as I think my little girl doesnt love me.

[devilwoman]

aww how sweet, nice for daddy, not so nice for mummy, please dont be upset i'm sure she loves you inher own way, you're doing all the right things, she wont be daddies girl forever i think as she gets a little bit older she'll be more friendly with you as she does girly things, i promise you it will be your shoes and hats she dresses up in, your make up she plasters on her face, you both have different ways to nurture and enjoy togeher daddy can read stories, give piggyback, throw a ball around with her, mummys can play dollys, wash clothes play teaset and make and hair/dressing up.

[Sparkles3]

TopCat, I really feel for you, we have a similar situation in our house, but the reaction is on my husband rather than me. Neither of my children (20mths and 3) are happy if he is changing them, reading to them, getting up with them in the morning etc. if I am there - although quite happy for Daddy to do it all if I am not there. They will say 'I don't like Daddy' and 'I only like you' to me - which is horrible to listen to. It is heartbreaking for him and for me, as it makes me push them away when they run away from him to me, as I try to make a stand with him to stop them 'being silly'. Like you say, I don't think we react to it and we certainly don't encourage it and I don't know how to stop it. The only thing that I have noticed that improves the situation is when my husband has spent 'quality' time doing cooking or painting or blocks etc. with them - rather than watching the TV or rough and tumble playing, which are his preferred options! Also my husband doesn't naturally do the 'warm' things like spontaneous cuddles and shows of affection with them very often and I wonder if that has a bearing.

I once saw on 'House of Tiny Tearaways' a couple in a similar situation (although their's was rooted in divorce and step-parent issues) with their little girl. The (favoured) dad was told to tell daughter to apologise to her mother for being unkind and then when she didn't, he cuddled the mother and said when she apologised, they could all cuddle together. It was a massive turning point, as she saw that she could not come between them anymore. For what it's worth....!

I don't know what to suggest (else we'd be doing it!), but I have no doubt that she loves you and don't give up on her, I'm sure she'll come round. Good luck.

[andy-hughes]

Believe it or not, this is perfectly normal behaviour!

Your daughter has learned the noble art of male manipulation at about the right age, it will stand her in god stead for the rest of her life. I'm not being flippant here - as babes in arms, girls learn how to lower their lashes and smile at Daddy, and watch him melt and wrap himself around her little finger!

You are quite right - you do all the hard work and discipline, he has all thee fun and attention. What you need to do is get your husband on your side. When he is cuddling with your daughter, ask him to include you, so that she knows his attention belongs to both of you. She will kick up a fuss at first, but gradually, she will learn. In tandem with this, he must learn to toughen up and join in with the discipline. What seems like cute attention-seeking now from your little one will evolve into serious manipulation in the future - she will play you off against your husband.

Don't worry this is all a part of learning her personality, all childreen do it - the level of success she achieves is down to you two as adults, you have the control - if you take it away from her.

Finally, mum always has the strongest bond, and other people, even dad, as a nice distraction, are a novelty for a time, but her love for you will always come first, don't ever doubt that. Your daughter loves you, but she can't manipulate you, so make sure the other adults don;t make you the bad guy all the time.

Try to make sure you have some time for fun with your daugther - give Dad some of the household tasks while you take her our, just the two of you. Talk to her, cuddle her, have fun, and the bonding you want will start to grow. I know, I;ve got three daughters, and i had to learn to be harder - it's worth it. Your daughter won't stop loving you because you don't please her every minute - remind her Dad of that fact as well, while you think about it!

[unruliejulie]

My son is all Daddy too, perfectly normal. However, if he hurts himself, he only wants me. I'm sure your daughter is the same.When push comes to shove, so to speak, i think you'd see a difference in her behaviour.How can a little girl of her age NOT love her Mummy?Its just you are the disciplinarian and Daddys the fun one.I was the same with my Daddy when i was little. I hero worshipped him. Don't worry about something that is completely natural. She'll get over it! Good luck, sounds like you're doing everything right anyway.It won't last forever.

[spudqueen]

Sounds like me when I was that age! From what has been told to me I was a complete and utter Daddys girl, yet now I remember nothing of it and wouldn't say that I loved my Mum less than my Dad.

[Paige_x]

Sorry to hear this, but it was the same for me when i was a little'un ! I was a mummys gal but loved my dad just the same, why dont u say to her. or even ask ur hubby 2 do some disapline so u can be a bit more laid back and maybe do some more fun things with her.

Good LukXX

[TopCat1]

Thank you so very much for all your comments. Most of the time I just get on with things and not let it bother me, but for the past few days its been getting me down. So a big thank you to everyone.

[lou 26]

HI Topcat

It really is down to her age. My daughter was exactly the same at that age, favoured everyone but me! and it does hurt even though we know that theyre not old enough to understand the affect it has! My daughter is only 3 now but shes going through the "I love you mommy stage" and tells me about 20 times a day! So believe me, it does get better! My daughter favours me at the moment, but sometimes when shes getting her own way with her grandparents Im still totally out of favour! But if she hurts herself or shes tired shes all mommy. Your daughter does love you be assured of that one, but they get soo used to us being there all the time and doing everything for them that I think we get taken for granted!!!! 6 months time shes will be totally different! Keep smiling and good luck xxx

[hammerman]

My daughter....who's now nearly 8 has been like that all her life.....and i love every minute of it. Can't offer any advice i'm afraid.

Good luck