8 year old lacks confidence

[xanderma]

My almost-8-year old boy is having a few problems lately which I'm putting down to lack of confidence, but would welcome your thoughts.

Until he was about 6, he always had a problem with new places, situations etc, refusing to join clubs, swimming lessons, even friends' parties. He 'freaked' a few times when on holiday in new places, either throwing tantrums or becoming withdrawn. Gradually, we worked to reassure him about these things, and he joined a swimming group, Beavers, football at school etc. We always tried to make him comfortable in new places on holiday, making sure he got a tour of the villa or whatever and leaving nightlights on so he didn't get disorientated.

This all seemed to pay off, yet over the last couple of months we seem to be back at square 1. He had a huge tantrum at school last week, because he didn't want to stay at an after-school club despite the fact that he'd asked to join, and it was with his classmates and a teacher he knows well. He's refusing to go to swimming lessons, although he's been going for a year now. He's sulky and picking on his sisters and moody with us. He burst into tears at a friend's house when he went for tea, despite knowing the whole family well, and had to be brought home after only 20 minutes.

I can't get any sense out of him about his feelings, or why he doesn't like things he was enjoying before.

There's so much more I could say about things he's done but this will take all night to read as it is. Anyone got any advice, I want to help him as he seems so sad, but can't seem to break the surface. (BTW, I'm sure he's not being bullied at school, I've spoken to his teacher and there's no sign of this behaviour in school)

Many thanks.

[peeriesooky]

I would speak to your health visitor about this problem and see what she can advise. Is he doing well at school? It could be a number of things but start with talking to her.

let us know what happens x

[Mikeyd2]

This sounds very like how my Daughter behaved at that age . We could never get to the bottom of what the problem was for quite a while . Then eventually through the School and related agencies we got an assesment by a child specailist at the hospital and found out she suffers from Aspergers Syndrome (part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder /ASD).
It was a shock at first as we had no idea of the problem . With some support and meetings with other parents of children with syndrome we were a little clearer with how to understand what the child is going through and deal with it to a certain level.
It still isn't easy sometimes but when the actions are explained etc . it becomes clearer what your Son is going through.
Good luck . (Do a search on Google etc for more info.)

[xanderma]

Thanks for both of your replies. I was thinking of medical advice, but didn't think of my HV (duh!), so will start there.

Thanks again
x

[Hellion]

xanderma it is always worth getting these things checked but sometimes it can be something simple like tiredness. I too have an 8 year old boy. All us playground Mum's have noticed unusual behaviours - tantrums, clingyness, weepyness etc often happen towards the end of term times. I suspect they just get tired and want to stay at home but don't know how to articulate that so they behave in a way they do know.
Lets face it we all have days when we just don't want to go and would rather stay at home!

Hope it does turn out to be something simple.