Caution affecting husband career?

[foxyroxy141]

Don't think this is really the right category but I am so upset could do with some advice please. Last year my husband beat me up quite badly. I informed the police who arrested him and wanted to charge him with ABH. I said i didn't want to press charges though (stupid I know....) and he got let off with a caution. The police said they were gonna inform his employer (RAF) so it would be placed on his work record but since then he has heard nothing about this.
He has now decided that he wants to try for his officer commission and has started going through the selection process. He is now furious with me though because on one of the application forms it asks for details of convictions, cautions etc and blames me for 'ruining his career'. If he hadn't attacked me though he wouldn't be in this situation would he??? Does anyone know how seriously the RAF would take this - he reckons he could be demoted/sacked but I personally think he's just trying to make me feel guilty. Thanks for any advice x

[B00]

Why do you care?

He beat you up for God's sake! If I were you i'd be praying it bu88ers up his career!

[leelapops]

You didn't ask for judgement, foxyroxy, I know, but he sounds as if he's being incredibly selfish.

I think that what he did would be frowned upon, although as you didn't press charges, perhaps not as seriously as otherwise. Sounds like a guilt trip on his behalf, and if he's the one who hit you, you have no reason to feel bad.

I think someone who can't control his temper and had to resort to lashing out at you should rethink his desire to become an officer anyway: in that role he has to set an example, and a good one at that.

I hope you are safe, foxyroxy
x

[libertie]

Well as far as I'm concerned anything that stops this neanderthal from becoming an officer can only be a good thing, as he does'nt even seem able to accept that his behaviour was totally unacceptable in the first place!!

[bigmamma]

Do you live in forces accomodation or did this attack take place off base ? Had the forces police been involved his CO would have been informed and it would be on his records .

[tattoo1094]

Hello foxy, sorry to here that youve had to put up with this.
My father was in the R.A.F served his full time, he was quite violent to us kids, but we loved him so much it was all forgiven and forgotton untill later years. That was part of growing up in a forces back ground, and you will find it happens alot in the police force as well.
To answer your question , im not too sure in this day and age, it probably wont if he only had a caution, and very lucky he was too to get away with that.
If he doesnt get the promotion on his merits then thats his fault and he needs to own that one.You didnt make him hit you, that was his choice,it has nt ruined his career.
I wonder why the millitry police didnt get involved because usually they keep there problems with there own.
Hes making you feel guilty because thats what abussive people do.You need to let him know that this is not acceptable or if you have other friends wifes or husbands in the raf then try to talk to them if you can, i understand how difficult it must be for you.

[mandimoo]

if he fails to get this promotion, regardless of the reasons why, are you certain he wont blame you anyway? i hope he has learned a lesson, but i feel that your comment that he is furious with you for ruining his career, doesnt bode well. please stay safe. xx

[Surreylass]

tell him to apply for an enhanced CIB check for himself to see if anything is on the file before applying.

doubtful that there is

[Surreylass]

Sorry i meant enhanced CRB check

http://www.criminalrecordchecks.co.uk/services -costs.htm

[raysparx1]

All i can say is Bollox to him, he should never have hit you, hope he gets chucked out, what sort of bloke does that.,

[888sally888]

Your right there Ray - no man (or indeed woman) should get way with this.

[rugeleyboy]

he doesnt deserve his promotion and he certainly doesnt deserve you!!!!!!!!

[Hellyon]

Foxy he is a loser who is trying to blame his inadequacies on you. You have no need to feel guilty it's his problem not yours.

[Octavius]

As said, making you feel guilty is one way of controlling you and your behaviour and demeaning you to be a submissive, gibbering, dependant wreck.

You haven�t ruined his career. He did that himself, the day he raised his fists to you.

Frankly, I am disappointed that the assault wasn�t taken further as I find such people abhorrent � and I�ve known a few � he does not deserve to be in a position of authority where he can bully people, demean them further and abuse the position with which he been privileged. It seems to me that whatever goes wrong, or even if he just has a bad day, it will all be your fault and only a matter of time before he raises his fists to you again.

[foxyroxy141]

Thank you all for your comments. Everything you've said is true I know. I'm annoyed with myself for being like this but I've been blamed for so many things that have gone wrong I tend to feel guilty about everything these days! I know he deserves everything he gets, wish sometimes I'd had it in me to give evidence against him. Thank you all xx

[joannie10]

just curious and sorry if it has already been mentioned but are you still with this guy?

[joko]

i would laugh in his face.

i would also tell him to be grateful that it was only his career ruined and not his ability to sing tenor... if you get my meaning...