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I need help!
50 Answers
Seriously! I need help from someone who doesn't know me!
Just give me advice... and I will listen.. (I won't argue).. But give the advice politely at least... :o)
I fancy a guy who is married as you know. I have liked him for a year and nothing has ever come of it. A year ago he was just a guy I worked with, who I thought was nice but really knew nothing about. 6 months ago he was a guy I worked with, spoke to a fair bit but other than interaction at work, nothing else was going on. Maybe some light flirting and we'd buy eachother sweets and stuff now and then.
Now.... he is someone I work with, but spend most of my working time with as we are now working on some projects together. We go on lunch together at least once a week. He will stand at my desk for ages and ages chatting away to me. He prepares me little lunches sometimes, I do the same. We buy eachother things when we go on lunch.. but nothing has happened.
Last week I had invited a few people from work, out to celebrate my birthday.. (we celebrated it last Saturday night). I never invited him because he lives about an hour drive away so I knew there would be no point. Then at the last minute on the Friday I emailed him and invited him. He said he was already out in the town I was going to and I should give him my number and we can meet up.
So Saturday came and I was out with the girls. I got a text from a girl from who used to work with us, telling me which pub she was in with her friends so we finished our drinks and went and met her. When we got there, he was there too... on the next table with his mates. He called me over and we all got chatting and me and my mates, ended up spending the whole night with him and his mates.. well from about 10pm - 2am. His mates came to the same club we were going to and he was very flirty and pervy with me and my mates.. not the same guy I know at work but it didn't stop me liking him.
Just give me advice... and I will listen.. (I won't argue).. But give the advice politely at least... :o)
I fancy a guy who is married as you know. I have liked him for a year and nothing has ever come of it. A year ago he was just a guy I worked with, who I thought was nice but really knew nothing about. 6 months ago he was a guy I worked with, spoke to a fair bit but other than interaction at work, nothing else was going on. Maybe some light flirting and we'd buy eachother sweets and stuff now and then.
Now.... he is someone I work with, but spend most of my working time with as we are now working on some projects together. We go on lunch together at least once a week. He will stand at my desk for ages and ages chatting away to me. He prepares me little lunches sometimes, I do the same. We buy eachother things when we go on lunch.. but nothing has happened.
Last week I had invited a few people from work, out to celebrate my birthday.. (we celebrated it last Saturday night). I never invited him because he lives about an hour drive away so I knew there would be no point. Then at the last minute on the Friday I emailed him and invited him. He said he was already out in the town I was going to and I should give him my number and we can meet up.
So Saturday came and I was out with the girls. I got a text from a girl from who used to work with us, telling me which pub she was in with her friends so we finished our drinks and went and met her. When we got there, he was there too... on the next table with his mates. He called me over and we all got chatting and me and my mates, ended up spending the whole night with him and his mates.. well from about 10pm - 2am. His mates came to the same club we were going to and he was very flirty and pervy with me and my mates.. not the same guy I know at work but it didn't stop me liking him.
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He told us all his wife was boring and she had been for ages (she is pregnant, but he meant before that).
He danced with all of us and at one point me and him were dancing hip to hip for a good few songs and he told me he was getting a hard-on! I laughed it off. At about 2am when we left the club and went for food, he was suggesting we all go back to his mates house (where he was spending the night) but me and the girls decided to go home. Plus I knew he had been drinking for about 12hrs and I was noway going to give him a reason to say to me on Monday at work "Saturday night was a mistake"!
So Monday came round and we went on lunch together, nothing was awkward. Been chatting away all week together. Giving eachother food at work. Having little flirty jokes. Got to go and view a venue together on Tuesday for our Christmas party... so we get to go for a drive in his car! We went up the pub with another guy after work yesterday and he made some sexual comments about girls and about having a boys night with the lads and I say there thinking 'You are a bit of a kn0b' but I still can't help liking him!
My friends aren't impressed with him at all. From what they gathered on that night out, he is a married man, 9yrs older than me, he knows I like him (and he does know), he flirted with all my friends but mostly did it when I was looking (so my friends say)... and he slagged off his wife!
Why the hell do I like him?????? HELP! I really need help! I can't stop myself fancying him! Just tell me I shouldn't... I am hoping I listen!
He danced with all of us and at one point me and him were dancing hip to hip for a good few songs and he told me he was getting a hard-on! I laughed it off. At about 2am when we left the club and went for food, he was suggesting we all go back to his mates house (where he was spending the night) but me and the girls decided to go home. Plus I knew he had been drinking for about 12hrs and I was noway going to give him a reason to say to me on Monday at work "Saturday night was a mistake"!
So Monday came round and we went on lunch together, nothing was awkward. Been chatting away all week together. Giving eachother food at work. Having little flirty jokes. Got to go and view a venue together on Tuesday for our Christmas party... so we get to go for a drive in his car! We went up the pub with another guy after work yesterday and he made some sexual comments about girls and about having a boys night with the lads and I say there thinking 'You are a bit of a kn0b' but I still can't help liking him!
My friends aren't impressed with him at all. From what they gathered on that night out, he is a married man, 9yrs older than me, he knows I like him (and he does know), he flirted with all my friends but mostly did it when I was looking (so my friends say)... and he slagged off his wife!
Why the hell do I like him?????? HELP! I really need help! I can't stop myself fancying him! Just tell me I shouldn't... I am hoping I listen!
I don't know! I don't know what I want... But I do know I need to do something because it's gone on for a year now and it's getting worse. I am getting deeper and deeper in the sh!t!
Plus I don't think it's my choice if I want anything from him. He has been with his wife since they were 16 and he is now 31. They met at school. I am not just saying this but it is a time bomb waiting to go off... but it doesn't mean I want to be the trigger!
Plus I don't think it's my choice if I want anything from him. He has been with his wife since they were 16 and he is now 31. They met at school. I am not just saying this but it is a time bomb waiting to go off... but it doesn't mean I want to be the trigger!
You know what I'm going to say - it's written between the lines of your Question, so I'll say it out loud, and then a non-judgemental stranger has said it for you -
Stay away, this is only going to end in tears. Treat it as a harmful work-based relationship, and find yourself some more friends outside work to take your mind off him. Another relationship with someone more suitable for you will have you wondering what on earth you saw in him.
This is a crush, and it does hurt, but he may take advantage of your feelings, just because he can, and everyone looses.
Leave it alone - you know it's best.
Stay away, this is only going to end in tears. Treat it as a harmful work-based relationship, and find yourself some more friends outside work to take your mind off him. Another relationship with someone more suitable for you will have you wondering what on earth you saw in him.
This is a crush, and it does hurt, but he may take advantage of your feelings, just because he can, and everyone looses.
Leave it alone - you know it's best.
Thing is Andy, I know how right you are! I do.. but come Monday we will be back in the office and it will be a whole new week! I will be flirting with him all over again and I can't stop myself! It's like a natural instinct!
I have loads of friends outside work and millions of people to take my mind off him.. but I don't know any guys who I like as much as I like him. I'm not stopping myself looking at other guys because I like him... I look.. believe me.. but I just don't feel that any of them are worth my time! Not saying he is.. but just saying I like him far more than them!
Oooooohhhhhhhhamsmdndejwjf ioejcfkdnfv sxndsjfnid!
I have loads of friends outside work and millions of people to take my mind off him.. but I don't know any guys who I like as much as I like him. I'm not stopping myself looking at other guys because I like him... I look.. believe me.. but I just don't feel that any of them are worth my time! Not saying he is.. but just saying I like him far more than them!
Oooooohhhhhhhhamsmdndejwjf ioejcfkdnfv sxndsjfnid!
Well said andy - I could wag my finger & type out a long lecture from the wife's point of view but I won't.
You've answered your own question, you don't know what you want - so do the strong thing & step away....you'll be a better person in the end for doing it.
You're not thinking ahead & there's no reason why you would if he was available. But he's not.
Even if they split & you became a long term item, I doubt he'd hesitate to do the same to you as he's doing to her. I've seen it happen. And, god forbid, what if something happened to his wife after the baby's born (hopefully healthy)? Or she decides she doesn't want to bring her up alone? Would you really want him and his child too?
Listen to your friends - they can see what he is.....
You've answered your own question, you don't know what you want - so do the strong thing & step away....you'll be a better person in the end for doing it.
You're not thinking ahead & there's no reason why you would if he was available. But he's not.
Even if they split & you became a long term item, I doubt he'd hesitate to do the same to you as he's doing to her. I've seen it happen. And, god forbid, what if something happened to his wife after the baby's born (hopefully healthy)? Or she decides she doesn't want to bring her up alone? Would you really want him and his child too?
Listen to your friends - they can see what he is.....
You're right... I know... you are all right! I need to stop thinking about him..... and you can be bl00dy sure as hell that the second I walk away from him, he will sense it and he will pull towards me! I will need to be careful I don't get sucked back in and turn this into a big emotional game of 'push me, pull you'! Right.... I am listening to some empowering music... I am off out to Uxbridge tonight and I am going to forget about him! Even if I manage it for just one night only it would be an achievment on my part!
Also I spoke to his wife on the phone when she called the office and she said she was his wife and I said hello and said her name and she was shocked I knew her name.. You can bet he doesn't talk about me much to her!
Also I spoke to his wife on the phone when she called the office and she said she was his wife and I said hello and said her name and she was shocked I knew her name.. You can bet he doesn't talk about me much to her!
Well he's hardly going to talk about you to his wife now is he!
I think you already know deep in your heart that you shouldn't touch him with a barge pole, unfortunately you are obviously attracted to him and I realise that this cannot always be helped , but there is basically something bad about a married man flirting with and obviously 'up for' a new woman without seperating from or divorcing the current partner first. Remember what they say if he can do it to her then one day you'll be her and he'll do it again!
I think you already know deep in your heart that you shouldn't touch him with a barge pole, unfortunately you are obviously attracted to him and I realise that this cannot always be helped , but there is basically something bad about a married man flirting with and obviously 'up for' a new woman without seperating from or divorcing the current partner first. Remember what they say if he can do it to her then one day you'll be her and he'll do it again!
See don't get me wrong... I'm not thick... Naive.. but not thick.. but I have never believed the 'Once a cheat, always a cheat' line! I'm not just saying this because of him.. I have always thought this. If he is with his wife now and has been for 15yrs, only person he has ever been with then perhaps it has run it's course and he will cheat on her and if it's not with me then it will more than likely be someone else. But if he gets with someone else and it feels right, he might spend the rest of his life with them and never ever cheat! I am not basing this on him... just saying that's what I think when it comes to relationships... sometimes they run their course and it's time to move on.
Hello Ruby,
First rule. Never mix business with pleasure.
Secondly?
Please don't hurt this pregnant woman.
Supposing she found out about you and him, if you did have an affair?
Supposing the shock caused her to lose their child?
He sounds like a right ****** anyhows.
Go out and date a single guy. Not another womans.
and truly? You just need to get laid by the soundof it lol....
First rule. Never mix business with pleasure.
Secondly?
Please don't hurt this pregnant woman.
Supposing she found out about you and him, if you did have an affair?
Supposing the shock caused her to lose their child?
He sounds like a right ****** anyhows.
Go out and date a single guy. Not another womans.
and truly? You just need to get laid by the soundof it lol....
isis4691 - I hope you are wrong but I think I know you are right! I would be saying the exact same to my friends right now! But it's harder to see it when you are on the inside trying to look out!
My auntie got caught up with a guy who had a girlfriend a few years ago. He was with this woman for 15 years when my auntie met him, no kids though and not married. I gave my auntie the advice she is giving me now but she didn't listen then and I am not listening now!
The other day I asked her 3 Q's and told her I only wanted Yes or No answers. I asked: Did your friends tell you he was just using you? She said yes. I said: Did you tell them it wasn't like that and this was a different situation? She said yes. Then I asked: Do you regret any of it? And she said 'I will never regret what we had but I regret the hurt we caused people'... He never left the other woman for my auntie in the end. She told him he had to make a descision and when he took ages to make it, she walked away from him as she wasn't going to spend her life being the other women. He now has a baby with his long term partner but he still texts my auntie and says he regrets not leaving to be with her! She doesn't encourage him.
My auntie got caught up with a guy who had a girlfriend a few years ago. He was with this woman for 15 years when my auntie met him, no kids though and not married. I gave my auntie the advice she is giving me now but she didn't listen then and I am not listening now!
The other day I asked her 3 Q's and told her I only wanted Yes or No answers. I asked: Did your friends tell you he was just using you? She said yes. I said: Did you tell them it wasn't like that and this was a different situation? She said yes. Then I asked: Do you regret any of it? And she said 'I will never regret what we had but I regret the hurt we caused people'... He never left the other woman for my auntie in the end. She told him he had to make a descision and when he took ages to make it, she walked away from him as she wasn't going to spend her life being the other women. He now has a baby with his long term partner but he still texts my auntie and says he regrets not leaving to be with her! She doesn't encourage him.
When I was in my twenties I fell in love with a married man and narrowly managed to not have an affair with him, he said that his marriage was breaking down etc and all the usual stuff and thank God I came to my senses and didn't actually go past the flirting,besotted stage.
When I was in my early thirties and my own marrige was over I met him again by chance and he was also divorced, we started to date and were together for four years before realising that it wasn't working. I often think that if I had had an affair it would still only have lasted that amount of time, so I do really empathise with you but be strong and try to keep out of his way socially, thats what worked for me.
When I was in my early thirties and my own marrige was over I met him again by chance and he was also divorced, we started to date and were together for four years before realising that it wasn't working. I often think that if I had had an affair it would still only have lasted that amount of time, so I do really empathise with you but be strong and try to keep out of his way socially, thats what worked for me.
Beryllium... If only sex was all I needed! Haha. That's not something my life is lacking... well... the offer of it isn't anyway! I just can't stop. I have fancied him since the day I started at the company and he started a month before me so no-one really knew him. We didn't know if he was married or anything. He is a very private guy at work. I have known his wife is pregnant since about March because his boss told someone who told me. But no-one else really knew and then on lunch last week he told me. I told him I had known ages.
Also I didn't think he sounded that excited about the baby but then I thought that was just me reading into it but when my friends spoke to him, they said the same. Said he really doesn't seem interested.. I know this will change when the baby gets here but surely he should be happy there is a baby on the way? He said he just hopes it's not born on his birthday as his birthday is his special day!
Also I didn't think he sounded that excited about the baby but then I thought that was just me reading into it but when my friends spoke to him, they said the same. Said he really doesn't seem interested.. I know this will change when the baby gets here but surely he should be happy there is a baby on the way? He said he just hopes it's not born on his birthday as his birthday is his special day!
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