You'd think he'd be proud.........

[banjosister]

My daughter phoned earlier to tell me she'd had a fight (verbal) with her Dad.

He wants her to leave school rather than stayin on till 6th form.

Her exams start tomorrow. He said if she doesn't get off the computer he's gonna smash it.

I think he's jealous of her intelligence as she can out argue him and he doesn't like it and ends up being abusive.

He told her that he didn't even want her before she was born.

How cruel is that?

;(

Bb xx

[paulsmummy]

hi, thats awful, thats about the worst thing a father could say to his little girl, are u and her dad together, or apart, if apart wheres she staying, cos if its with him, id have to ship her straight out, the ignorant pig.......

[cazzz1975]

does she live wth him? (I would be concerned)

Sounds like he feels insecure and threatened, I hope she stays on the 6th form, there is nothing out there for a young person without some skills.

she should ignore his outbursts, he is probably feeling very down and is verbally hitting out at the people closest.

that said its a horrible thing to say to your offspring

[banjosister]

Hey guys ;)

She's been with her Dad for the last four and a half years. She lives about 165 miles away from me. I am looking into exchanging my place for one near her.

All her friends are there. If it is necessary she can come down here to do sixth form.

I get the feelin he's had enough of being 'responsible'. He split from his long term partner just under a year ago - she did most of the parenting - and this is the second strop he's thrown.

Words fail me.

Bb xx

[cazzz1975]

I would move her now, friends or no friends, she can still contact them via msn/facebook, if she does 6th form she will make new friends, the worry is if this kind of belittling continues it will take its toll on her.

she is too young to have to deal with all that crap especially with school work to do on top, if it gets too bad she will probably quit 6th form because she cannot concentrate on it because of her miserable home life.

[paulsmummy]

that's sad, poor kid, like sixteen isn't hard enough already, that sort of remark can break a child into all sorts of trouble... it can throw them right off the rails.....

[pastafreak]

What a selfish ignorant thing to do and say...and on the eve of her exams. He really knows when to put the pressure on,doesn't he??? Get her out of there if you can.....no discussion-just do it!

[banjosister]

THanx guys for all your answers.

She's coping incredibly well and I am mostly guided by her attitude and how she is feeling.

Whilst she has my full support it gives her courage to deal with further issues with her father.

As usual with these things, it's a very long story...about 18 years in fact, I won't bore you!

I am so proud of her, she is so determind to get where she's heading and he is actually making her stronger and more determind by his attitude, as she does not want to turn out like him.

She will go a long way.

And as she told him tonight, he will be a very loney old man, his first too children have already given up on him.

Bb xx

[cazzz1975]

the point is banjo, she shouldnt be coping, she is 16, she should be having fun and enjoying life.

I would have her out of there.

[banjosister]

I agree totally Cazz

But as I say to her. It's not about what it should be

It's about dealing with how it is

She is old enough to make her own decisions and think of the consequences.

We have been discussing consequences since she went to live with her Dad.

She will decide when the consequences of staying with her father outweigh the benefits.

That's what life is about and the sooner you learn, the easier it is.

Bb xx

[logic]

Get her back with you.

[bensmum]

That's awful for her - she sounds pretty mature as if she had learnt to cope with this which she shouldn't have to do at 16. The exam period is only for another 4 or 5 weeks - if she can last out it is better for her to do the exams now. But I would seriously consider having her move a soon as she can - he sounds very insecure and immature to be treating his own daughter in such a way. I wish her the best of luck with her exams.

[puss_boots]

I do not know your circumstances but from what you say it is imperative that your daughter is removed from the situation she is now in. Your daughters friends will come and go and she is more likely to make lasting friendships at 6th form and uni she is at a very vunerable time and what happens to her now is vital. Please think of her future and do everything you can to ensure she is on the right path. Your ex husband needs and wants mean nothing, your daughter means everything. Good luck pussx

[TheEpsilon]

I notice all the comments are from a female point of view .
well speaking as a bloke , I think the father is an absolute prat
.

[banjosister]

Thank you all for your comments and I can see where you are coming from

I cant possibly go into all the ins and outs

at this time she is best where she is

until she decides its not

Currently we are both happy with that arrangement.

Bb xx

[cazzz1975]

yes just to add that although 16 year olds think they are wise beyond their years they are still only children.

there are learning lessons which is what life is all about and there is having a childhood that robs you of any fun by putting grown up problems on their shoulders to deal with when they are not mature enough to deal with along with some very important school years. (GCSE'S)

I would imagine this has taken its toll on her academically.

[wiggal]

Hey Bajosister,
Your girl sounds like a real tough cookie! Wish her the best of luck in her exams, and I do agree with what others have said.
Although I would say if she can stick with it whilst doing her exams and then move back with you when they are over for 6th form, as I think moving now will add to the stress of exams and everything else!

I do however have to disagree with cazzz on 'there is nothing out there for a young person without some skills'!!

[puss_boots]

ok only you know whats what, so why post this if you already know what you are going to do ?? What did you want us to say when you asked .......How cruel is that?

[banjosister]

She has learnt a lot over the years, she knows that I want the best for her and that her father wants the best for himself.

He has proved this to her time and again.

She is very strong and as I say will go far.

Thank you for your kind thoughts

Bb xx

[cazzz1975]

so why is she living with him? Its almost like its proving a point that he doesnt give a monkeys which isnt nice

I dont mean literally nothing wiggal, there is a lot out there!!

I think that she should be commended on wanting to continue her education

[Doc_Spock]

This is a weird post and I suspect a lot of the truth is missing.

Why did your daughter live with her dad since 12 years old.

A child at that age votes with their feet, I know.