Loneliness etc

[lovefoolb4u]

Hello,

I feel like a bit of an outcast. People in my uni seem to be revolving a lot of their time around getting drunk, and a lot see it as the best way to make friends and have a good time. It's having a huge psychological effect on me, as I would rather stay in and have an early night than go out EVERY single night.

At the same time, I really really want to make friends. I've joined clubs, but even the clubs seem quite alcohol-oriented, with constant pub-crawls etc.

It's starting to make me feel like a really dull and boring person, because at school my group of friends had a great time just meeting up and chatting, we never went out to get drunk except for the VERY occasional party. That was the way I liked it! And I always felt like a really interesting person. But now I feel obliged to be a party animal, and it's just not me. I'm finding it increasingly harder to come out of my shell.

Do you think this unwillingness to go out all the time will reduce my chances of finding that special someone? I feel totally lost.

[yogasun]

Don't worry too much. It can be a difficult time as you may feel pressurised to party 24/7.
You will get to know fellow students a little better over the weeks and will find that there will be more than a few who feel just like you except they too are afraid to speak up for fear of appearing boring party poopers.
Just be yourself and eventually you'll make some great friends.

[andy-hughes]

You are experiencing one of the most common problems with settling into university life - fitting in.

The reason why all the people around you are drinking so much is to mask their inhibitions and make themselves feel like they fit in - because inside they feel exactly like you!

Stick to your guns, and wait for the intial heady nonsense of being away from home with no-one telling them what to do to wear off, and it will, quite quickly.

In the mean time, do socialise, and ignore the entreaties to drink if you don;t want to. Secretly people will actually envy your stance, but be too shy to admit it. You will find like-minded people and build up a circle of genuine friends who enjoy compnay and conversation instead of personality by-passes and early morning vomiting fits.

Hang in there, and be strong - which is what you are, and let the waker ones go their own silly way.

You will be glad you stuck it out, promise.

[andy-hughes]

Cross-posting there with yogasun, but obviously we agree with our advice.

[monkeyeyes]

Aren't there any Societies that look appealling to you ?
This is usually a way to meet 'like-minded' folks..............
Book Soc.
Swim Soc.
Chess Soc.
Drama Soc.

as examples...........

[justmetoo]

I agree. Just be yourself. Not everyone wants to go drinking all the time, there will be plenty of people like you, and you will meet them.

[lovefoolb4u]

Hey, thanks for the great answers. I'm definitely going to stick to my guns and try to just relax and get used to the whole situation.

Yeah, there are quite a few clubs and societies I want to join, but all of their meetings seem to end up down the pub for a drink "to get to know the other members", so when they say that it obviously makes me feel obliged to drink with them! It's all very alcohol oriented.

[andy-hughes]

Just go and have soft drinks, then you can be sociable, and still feel part of the group.

Be careful though, some people think it's 'fun' to spike the drinks of non-drinkers, so only accept drinks off people you know, and don't leave your drink out of your sight at any time.

[coccinelle]

Lovefool, which university are you at just out of curiosity. It's just I have niece in very much the same position as you and now in her second year and if you were at the same uni. ....

[lovefoolb4u]

I'd rather not say... in scotland?

[brenda]

When they run out of cash as they will, you may find that their social life changes quite a bit.

Go to the clubs you want to go to, stick to soft drinks and don't leave your drink unattended ever.

Good luck

[luckyman]

i personally would put an ad on gumtree or some other site..for friends to go out with ....no harm in that and u would get gils and guys in a similar position...