Wanting to leaving overseas - relationship strain

[marryme]

Hi there,

My relationship is under strain, I'm highly stressed and am feeling depressed about this situation. Quite simply, I feel heart broken. I currently live in Cape Town with my fiancee of 4 & half years. We were in UK for 18 months before coming back to SA in December 2007. She has a job, but is earning half of what she did in UK, and works longer hours. I have struggled to get work, but have been self employed since June doing bookkeeping from home until now, as I earn more this way, than a permanent job. I am earning less than I would have in UK too. I want to go back, but she doesn't, she refuses to go - says she's not ready to go back, and says I should go, and get set up. This does not work for me - if I go, I want her to go with me. Her family lives here and I personally feel they manipulate her, and mine is in the UK for now - they plan to go to US, but I do not intend going to live with my family, but to work in London, earn a good living and make a life for us. Am I wrong in wanting a better life financially for us? I do love her dearly- I'm really unhappy at my current situation in South Africa, as I do not see a bright and positive future here, we have even been broken in to with someone standing next to our bed in the middle of the night!! Yes, the UK might not be the best weather wise, but there are far more opportunities to see the world from there... What do I do? I'm so torn - I desperately want to go, but I love her and don't want to leave her behind!! My life feels like it is crashing down around me. I live for this girl... and have for the past 4 & half years!!

[lil75]

Ok, it sounds like you have reached a point where everything in the relationship has settled down, including yourselves in cape town, and you have come to the realisation that this is not the life you want, you have to explain to your partner that living over there is making you feel like a failure thus not making you happy anymore and you have to discuss where you go from there. If she loves you as much as you love her she will be happy to make a compromise! I understand from her point that her family are there, but she has to take into consideration your feelings too if you are to make any kind of life together...best of luck!

[lil75]

Forgot to add, also you say you live for this girl and have done for the past 4 and a half years...isnt it about time you started living for yourself or both of you as a couple!!!

[happyone2]

sometimes i think love is not enough.............

sometimes, however much you want to be together, the timing is just not right and the circumstances just arent going to make it happen.

is this the situation with you and your partner ??

i truly believe it wont work if you just try and accept what you know really you cant accept.....you may become depressed.

Perhaps its better to part as friends and come back, find peace and perhaps the same love from someone who is from this country...........................

you may not want to accept this, you want her to compromise but you both want different things..............

perhaps its time to be brave and leave before you destroy yourself and possibly her as well