The best for my child is

[shannon1101]

I want to join the military to better my son and i's live. to beable to support him and provide for him the best way i can. Problem is his dad. He supports me 100% about the military. But i am not married and a single mother. The military does not allow single parents in.
I would have to give up full custody of my son. His father has no job lives on the floor of his mom and dads barley can pay his truck payment, has child support for two other children that he dosent pay. He is a wonderful father when he is around. I have my father and my grandmother who would love to take care of my son while i am away. they can provide for him everything that he needs and wants. and the money i would send for child support would go into a savings account for my son. But his father refusses to agree with that. He wants our son if i go. But he cant support himself let alone a 2 yr old. What should i do??? Please help I am desperate.

[Buenchico]

Hi Shannon,

I'm not sure whether you realise that the Answerbank is based in the UK. (The timing of your post, together with some words in it, suggests that you're on the other side of the Atlantic). So you won't get many immediate answers because it's approaching 5am here. If you'd rather post on a US-based board, try one (or both) of these:
http://www.answerbag.com/
http://answers.yahoo.com/

However, families and relationships are basically the same throughout the world, so I'll give you my opinion:

You say that you want to better your son's life. Ask yourself what he really needs right now. I'd suggest that the answer isn't 'money'. It's not 'more toys'. It's not 'smart clothes'. The two things he really needs right now are love and a secure, stable family environment. Even though your father and grandmother would give him all of their love, it could probably never match what he's come to expect from you. Equally, children need security. Your son is used to living with you and expects you (and you alone) to be there when he needs you. Your father and grandmother could never truly replace you. Further, as well as the disruption to his young life that your departure would cause, there's the possibility of him getting caught in the middle of a 'tug-of-love' struggle between your father.grandmother and your son's father. That's going to put him through a great deal of stress and confusion, which would only be made worse when you reappeared, and then left again, during your leave periods.

If you leave your son (even with the best of intentions) you'll be stealing from him. You'll be stealing his security, you'll be stealing his confidence and, worst of all, you'll be denying him the love of the one person who's most important to him.

04:58 Fri 23rd Jan 2009

[shannon1101]

but i cant support him that well right now. Hell i cant even pay our bills due to my work hours are cut down to 15 hours a week. If i go he would have health insurance security he would know who i am and be told why mommy is not there but he would have the stablity that he deserves. besides that after boot he would live with me where ever i am. but what should i do about his father. is my problem i am affraid while i am in boot camp he is going to take my son and run.

[Velvetee]

Joining the Military, when you are a mother is a very big step to take. You will probably have to be away from your son for long periods of time and to me, it sounds like a drastic thing to do. Also from what you say, your son's father sounds very irresponsible. Do you really think you will be able to concentrate on your Military career, if you are worrying?

There are thousands of other jobs, which do not rely on giving up custody of your child and where there is no need to spend time away.

I don't know if education in the US is subsidised by your Government, but perhaps you could do some training, so you can get a better job that pays reasonably well and doesn't mean you will have to lose your son or your life.