It's so unfair!

[lorla]

Having trouble with the mother of my husband's daughter � I just don't understand why she's so mean! We haven't seen his daughter since early March and have been told we can't see her until end of April because she's 'made plans'. We have been having his daughter over every fortnight for years but if she feels like it, she'll pull a stunt like this and not let us see her. It's just so unfair � there's nothing to stop her. Last time she did this we applied for a contact order to enable us to see his daughter every fortnight regardless of the mothers silly games but it's still not been processed. This latest upset prompted us to call the court and chase the contact order � only to be told they have no record of one being submitted � grr!

It's just heart breaking hearing his daughter ask when can she see us next and having to tell her it's not for weeks yet � she gets upset and says she misses us.

What makes someone so disruptive and mean? The relationship ended because she was sleeping with someone else � it's not like she can be angry about the split still?

It's just not fair � his daughter is upset, my husband is upset but his ex just isn't interested in how anyone feels but herself.

[Hazel104]

I know this will not help now, but kids are not stupid so she will catch on to what her mum is doing, which no doubt she will resent and then there will problems between them.
Can your husband talk to his Ex and as diplomatically as possible try and point this out to her? Just try and get her to see form the little girl�s point of view and the damage it may be doing to their future relationship, it may make her think twice about doing it.

[Booldawg]

The plain and simple answer; Woman use children to hurt men. I've seen it so many times with mates of mine etc. Thats why men dress up in spidermen outfits and climb historic buildings in London.

[angel21]

Ah I'm sorry to hear this. My ex had the same problem.

In the end he got the courts involved and they set up a specific visiting schedule which couldn't be broken and if it was broken obviously it went against the grain in court for the person who broke the agreement.

I think you are doing the right thing and you just need to stick with it. Its frustrating about them saying they haven't received the application I can understand how annoying that must be but what else can you do apart from keep trying.

Good luck!

[Beanmistriss]

sadly Booldawg is right. many many women use their children in ths way. And I believe that some of them don't even know that they're doing it. They can convince themselves that anything is "in the best interests of their children" :(

[shanilisa]

It is sad in divorce situations that both mothers and fathers use children as weapons - mothers by witholding access, fathers often by witholding child support. The best I can offer you is to do this "by the book" and get an order of the court in place whereby if she pulls a stunt like this again she is in violation of the court order. I realise that it is hard and the next few weeks will be trying, but by doing this the correct way you will benefit in the end. Make sure she knows that you love and miss her.

[lorla]

Thanks all for your responses. Agreed then - the legal route is the best one - just so dis-heartening to hear we're back to step 1 because the court lost our forms. We'll just have to re-submitt and be patient.

So true, many woman use their children as weapons. When we put this to her once she denied it fiercely so agree they probably don't even know they're doing it.

In the meantime we'll make sure his little girl knows we love and miss her lots.

I am a firm believer in karma and I think someone as mean and cruel as my husbands ex willl surely get her come-uppance one day. I've never met anyone so hell bent on causing pain and upset. She must be a very sad individual.

Thanks all.